How much influence do you think parents play ....

My dh and i alwasy have this discussion. If he hears about a kid turning out"bad' or obnoxious or selfish he always says its th parents fault. Now i agree to a point but then there does come a point where the kid makes his or her own choices. He swears EVERYTHING is sociological and that even the slightest thing can alter the way a kid turns out. My argument is how do explain when there are two siblings and one is normal , good job family man and such and hs sister is a low life basically
(talking baout my own family here).

He of course blames the mother in this situation. I really didnt know the cousin growing up so much becasue they lived miles and miles away on teh west coast.

I gues what i am trying to ask is how do you make sure or at least try you best to make sue they turn out rioght? Everone asks me if i am nervous about labor or taking care of anewborn and my answer is no its not the part of taking care of a baby tht scares me its when they get older how do you keep them on the right track, i know you try but there are no gaurentees?

Also do you think parenst are to blame when you hear about kids turniogn out bad or obnoxious or spoiled?

Re: How much influence do you think parents play ....

Can I answer as an outsider? I think it's both. As a teacher, I see kids and parents, separately and together. I see parents whose kids are monsters and I can see why. The parents take no ownership or responsibility for what their child does. The parents don't show consequences for bad behavior. The parents don't talk, don't interact, don't show that they care. Then I've seen kids who are amazing and I meet their parents and I understand that these children come from a good source. The moms are happy to see their kids when they are dismissed. They talk to their children, they are honest with their children, they are hands on. Granted, I've seen parents who are TOO hands on and that's another story.

Parents play a huge role, I think a bigger one than realized. I've seen 5 year olds expecting the hottest fashion and newest stuff because their parents encourage that. How many times have I heard "Let's go to the toy store" because they didn't want to go to the park?

So, as a teacher, I can say for the most part that parental involvement is key for good children. But then comes JHS (not japanese hair straightening) and this is when they really ultimately start making their own decisions and I guess this is when a parent just has to keep plugging along with keeping communication open and hoping that the kid is listening. Because now is when the choices are theirs.

I came from a divorced, very low income family with a long line of alcoholism. I had all the makings of someone whose future had a lot of potential $h!ttiness to it. But two things made me who I am today. My mom always talking to me about EVERYTHING and her trusting me to make the right decision. Her trust was heavy. But KNOWING she trusted me in a way made me, as an individual, want to do the right things. I was aware of my conscience. She was honest with me about money-today I know the value of a dollar and I have a work ethic. She was honest with me about drinking and driving -her biggest concern ever!!! and even at 28, her voice still stays with me on that issue. She was honest with me and talked with me and when it came time for me to make my own decisions, I always had her voice in the back of my head.

Sorry so long. I'm not a parent yet, but this is always in the back of my mind as a concern. I want more than anything for my future kids to just be GOOD kids. Good people with good minds and good intentions and good hearts. And I will try my best to see thta through.

Re: How much influence do you think parents play ....