How to decide...

For those of you who are in the process or have already completed the process....how did you decide where to adopt? Domestic or International? If international....how do you decide which country is right for you? There is so much information and I feel overwhelmed. DH and I have made a decision yet as to whether we will go with adoption yet....but I am trying to do my homework to be prepared when/if that decision needs to be made. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

Re: How to decide...

Hi Kim -

Our plans are put on hold for the moment since I'm doing an IVF cycle but I can share my thoughts -
Dh and I were considering domestic because we want a newborn. Usually with international the child is older (9 months - 12 months may be the youngest you can adopt a child). Some countries seem to have "fickle" governments, I'm pretty sure just recently there was a halt to all adoptions from the Ukraine.
The $ seems to be pretty similar in both cases, with international you also have to travel to the country and many have different waiting periods before you may adopt your child.
With domestic there are open adoptions where the birth mother is included in the baby's life through pics, etc. You usually have to pay for the birth mom's expenses too.

I know there's tons more of info out there and that the ladies on this board have more info than me. Good luck!

p.s. I know you were a spring 04 bride like me and some agencies want you to be married for two years.

Good luck Kim!!!

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Re: How to decide...

Thanks for the replies ladies.....I appreciate it.

Re: How to decide...

There are so many factors that come into this decision. Its totally personal and only you and DH can decide what path to follow. Beware of any agency or attorney that tries to steer your decision in one direction or another.

We did a ton of research and soul searching during the process. We took a look at the pros and cons of each option and made our decisions after much consideration. We went to our first adoption seminar in September 04 and signed with an agency in April 05. I would say the top things we considered were: average length of time the process took, finality of the process, health of the children available, age of the children available, travel involved.

Research, talk it out with your DH, talk to people who have BTDT, APC is a great resource for networking. Ultimately you may just have a feeling for one direction over another – and that’s your Mommy Instinct talking to you, so listen to it.

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I literrally had every brouchure from every agency in the US..I researched domestic vs. international and just happened to fall in love with two boys clear across the world..it just worked out that way. There are pros and cons..one thing to consider is fetal alcohol syndrome, this scared me BADLY..and Ethiopia rarely has this because it is a very poor country and alcohol is more of a luxury that they dont have..I also wanted my children to have been loved and cherished and not abandoned due to neglect..I was afriad of attachment disorder. Everyone can handle different things, so look inside of you and think about what you can handle and go from there. I also adopted older children, younger ones are easier if you get them at birth (for the attachment disorder issue)...so many options out there..you will find one thats right for you

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The Internet has so much on adoption. That's where I found almost all of my information. I also read a few books and asked my friends who have adopted some questions.

For me: I decided to adopt internationally because I would not be able to handle the "open" policy that seems to be the domestic trend these days. As much as I'd LOVE to say that I'd be open to that, I just couldn't personally handle it. I love the idea that you can get a newborn when you adopt domestically, but I think it would be too heart-wretching for me to take the newborn from the mother's hands that you've likely come to know (and possibly love.) My brother-in-law's sister just adopted domestically though and her baby is BEAUTIFUL and she has not had any problems.

I chose Korea because of the following factors:

1. You do not have to travel to the country (they bring the baby to you in the US) -- while I'd love to get to know and embrace Korea, I'd prefer to do that when our baby is old enough to appreciate it with us. Plus, I'd rather spend time off from work WITH my baby than waiting for him/her.

2. The health of Korean adoptees is incredible for the most part

3. The medical records of the birth mother (and sometimes birth father) and the baby/child you are adopting, are not only available, but very detailed.

4. Institutionalism and separation anxiety is low bc Koreans are not raised in orphanages (for the most part) but rather foster families.

5. The babies you get from Korea are MUCH younger than most other countries.

6. (not as important but true) -- I love the way Koreans look.

7. I couldn't find any reason NOT to adopt from Korea

8. I like the element of surprise with Korea -- more like a real pregnancy -- I won't know which sex I'm getting until the very end (probably a boy as there are more boy adoptees, but you cannot select a preference.) We almost adopted from China, where we'd be almost guaranteed (95%) a girl, which is great too.

I could go on ... can u tell I'm excited? (Read #7 again, heehee!)

Re: How to decide...

Posted by Susan



8. I like the element of surprise with Korea -- more like a real pregnancy -- I won't know which sex I'm getting until the very end (probably a boy as there are more boy adoptees, but you cannot select a preference.) We almost adopted from China, where we'd be almost guaranteed (95%) a girl, which is great too.

I could go on ... can u tell I'm excited? (Read #7 again, heehee!)

Re: How to decide...

Susan - is there any reason that there are more boys? I understand China has more girls because on the one child rule. Reading that made me remember an "Adoption Story" and it was a little boy from Korea. I think they got him at 6 mos and he was brought to them, the family got to meet him at the gate, it was so beautiful and heartwarming!!

p.s - I'm so happy for you because I can sense your excitement when I read your posts


Donna,

I wish I had a clear understanding of why there were more boys up for adoption in Korea. I've been searching for that answer myself. Maybe someone on the boards knows better than I do. The only thing I could find was in a book on Korea where they said more boys have been born than girls for the past couple of decades so the male generation is exploding. Strange, eh? I know in Korea they like to have one girl and one boy, so I guess if their second child is a boy they give it up for adoption if they already have a boy and they also give their third child up for adoption if they already have two. I'll continue my research. Thanks for the well wishes.

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Russia also has more boys than girls available. My sons group had 8 little boys 12 mo - 4yo when we first met him. When we went back to pick him up one little girl was moved into the group. I wanted to take them all. We were told that Russian families keep girls more often because the girls take care of thier parents/grandparents vs. the boys going off on thier own. I dont know how ture this is but thats what we were told.