how to get dad to help at night

I am a new mom and am BF. I pump so dad can give him a bottle at night. But he has no patience sometimes when he is very colicy.He really likes his sleep. Help me

Re: how to get dad to help at night

Honestly-- just kick his butt out of the bed and tell him to feed HIS son!!! Mommy deserves to sleep too!!!

Re: how to get dad to help at night

oh i do. put it is the way he handle the baby. He lets him cry for hours sometimes and he says he'll just let him cry himself to sleep. That kills me, he is only 2 months. And he'll say oh come on buddy just go to sleep or start to talk loud and say ok ok i don't know what you want. and then he gets me and I put him to sleep. and he will go back to bed. so now I don't want to ask him anymore. It is crazy because he is so great during the day.

Re: how to get dad to help at night

7 months later and i still get zero help from daddy, so if you've figured it out, pls share!

Re: how to get dad to help at night

As a dad myself, I have a hard time understanding why dads don't spend every possible minute with their DC. I admit, DW gets up in the middle of the night more than I do, but I do get up as often as I can. I usually get up to help DD until about 1am. After that, DW usually gets up. This isn't a hard and fast rule, but it often works out that way. One way to look at it is, "An unhappy mommy makes for an unhappy daddy." DW is a SAHM, so I do expect her to do more with the kids than I do, but we both brought the kids into the world, so I need to help.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to change someone's underlying ideas. If he's not willing to help, I'm not sure how much you can do. You could bring the colicy baby into your bedroom, so if you and baby can't sleep, then neither can DH.... :)

Re: how to get dad to help at night

I made a list of all the chores inolving the baby...it came out to about twenty things I believe

every feeding counted as one chore, bottle washing, bath, diaper change, pajamas, preparing bottles, etc.

I told him to pick 10 and they were his no matter what...it worked for a while but he got the hint.

Us moms make it look so easy that when you really sit down and write it all out you can really see how much we do.


Sometimes they just don't get it

xxxxxxx

Message edited 2/9/2007 8:37:40 PM.

Re: how to get dad to help at night

thank you so much i will try that and i did talk to him and the last couple of nights he has helped a lot. He has the baby tonight.

Re: how to get dad to help at night

I guess I cannot complain because my husband really puts in way more effort that most fathers I know. It's different now because he works nights, but when she was first born, he didn't, so we worked it around his schedule. The nights where he had work the next day, I got up, the nights where he didn't have work the next day, he got up. So one week I'd get to sleep in 5 out of 7 days and the other week only 2 out of 7 days. It was great. Those were the days Now, not having my hubby around at night at all is horrible. If she wakes up, which she does lately I have ZERO relief. So, as annoying as it is that he won't get up, just be lucky that he's there at all if you need some support in the middle of the night. Even if you need to beat it out of him!

Re: how to get dad to help at night

oh - it's reverse in my house! DH is always the one getting up, I just can't do it.

Why not pull baby into bed with you. It's much easier to breast feed that way (or even have the bottle out before you go to bed and just reach over and give it to him) then you won't have to open your eyes and really wake up!

Re: how to get dad to help at night

I was the person getting up at night 99% of the time. My DH works as an electrician and the last thing I wanted was for him to be sleep deprived.

When frustration was at an all time high, coming home, feeding the baby, making & cleaning up dinner, washing bottles, pumping, getting everything ready for daycare in the morning, etc., I finally discovered that instead of asking him to help out more or give him something to do as his 'job', it worked better if every day I asked him to do something - even if it was the same thing. I asked like it was a favor - could you help me & just clean these pots. Finally his job was to read bedtime stories to the baby & put him down to sleep.

Now I can't complain (well I suppose I can). Now his job is to make dinner every night.