How to tell BIL and SIL that we're pregnant? (a little long)

We found out when DS was about 1 that SIL and BIL have been trying to get PG for 4.5 years. They are very private so we had no idea. They did IUI and that didn't work so now they are on to IVF. They were supposed to start in March or April but we are all afraid to ask so we don't really know.

So I ordered a t-shirt for DS that says "I am going to be a big brother" and we are going to have him wear it on Mother's Day and that is how we are going to tell everyone that we're expecting #2.

We were thinking that we should tell BIL and SIL ahead of time so that they have time to digest the info, because I know they will be so happy for us but they will also be sad because of their own difficulties.

Do you think that it is a good idea to tell them early? I'm not sure what to do. We are so excited but a part of me feels guilty because we are going to have 2 beautiful children and BIL and SIL have to go through so much.

Any advice is appreciated.

Message edited 4/30/2009 7:04:13 AM.

Re: How to tell BIL and SIL that we're pregnant? (a little long)

I definitely think it is a good idea and very thoughtful of you to tell them ahead of time

Re: How to tell BIL and SIL that we're pregnant? (a little long)

I don't know what to say exactly, but I think telling them ahead of time is a very respectful thing to do, it will relieve the shock factor for them.

Re: How to tell BIL and SIL that we're pregnant? (a little long)

Posted by Mikismom

I definitely think it is a good idea and very thoughtful of you to tell them ahead of time

Re: How to tell BIL and SIL that we're pregnant? (a little long)

Posted by Mikismom

I definitely think it is a good idea and very thoughtful of you to tell them ahead of time

Re: How to tell BIL and SIL that we're pregnant? (a little long)

Definitely a good idea to tell them ahead of time so they don't feel blind sided.
I know that one of my GF's was trying for a year when her SIL and BIL got pregnant and announced it an Christmas. While she is thrilled for them she said she wished she would have been given advanced warning.

I think it is very respectful of you to want to tell them ahead of time.

Oh, and congrats!!!

Re: How to tell BIL and SIL that we're pregnant? (a little long)

Posted by Mikismom

I definitely think it is a good idea and very thoughtful of you to tell them ahead of time

Re: How to tell BIL and SIL that we're pregnant? (a little long)

Give them warning and show up on time or early. This way if they want to show up a little late and miss the big hoorah they can. I am sure you will understand if it is too painful for them to have to see everyone so excited. I am sure they are happy and excited for you but it is another reminder to them that they don't have a child. And if she is going through IVF she may have a whole bunch of drugs running through her that will make her very emotional. Or they may have just had a failed cycle. Or better yet they may be pregnant and plan on telling everyone the same day.
it is very kind of you to think of them and their feelings.

Re: How to tell BIL and SIL that we're pregnant? (a little long)

As someone who has been in the shoes of your BIL & SIL I think it is wonderful of you to give them some advance notice to get their feelings under control. Just keep in mind, even with the advance notice - they might still show some signs of being a little upset

Re: How to tell BIL and SIL that we're pregnant? (a little long)

Posted by Mere09

Posted by Mikismom

I definitely think it is a good idea and very thoughtful of you to tell them ahead of time

I completely agree.

Re: How to tell BIL and SIL that we're pregnant? (a little long)

Congratulations!

I agree with everyone - tell them in advance.

Re: How to tell BIL and SIL that we're pregnant? (a little long)

I am not a regular poster BUT I wanted to say I think it's so sweet and sincere that you are concerned with affecting them! I truly hope they see that and can appreciate and value the respect and love you have for them......there day will come....see how it goes and keep them as involved as they "want" to be. Itt may be hard for them and that's totally understandable! CONGRATS!

Re: How to tell BIL and SIL that we're pregnant? (a little long)

Re: How to tell BIL and SIL that we're pregnant? (a little long)

definately tell them ahead of time so they can digest it...

Re: How to tell BIL and SIL that we're pregnant? (a little long)

I think its a very good idea to let them know ahead of time.

Re: How to tell BIL and SIL that we're pregnant? (a little long)

Thank you all for your support. We are going to try to see them either this weekend or next and tell them before Mother's day. I am dreading it because I just don't want to hurt them.