How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

OK, so last night we went to dinner over at FIL's house. He lives with his girfriend and they have been together for about 10 years.

Pretty much every single time we go to eat there, she spends the entire time we are there cooking up a storm in the kitchen and either eats what amounts to a couple of bites of food or, like last night, nothing at all.

Now apparently DH asked her last night why she wasn't eating and she told him something about not wanting to eat the food because it wasn't healthy. Granted, she is not cooking the most healthy meals. She is making a lot of fried italian foods, sausage, lots of grease, cheese, etc. I personally feel as though she has an eating disorder because she is stick thin and has never really eaten much food around us.

DH was kind of mad about the situation. He feels that if she is cooking food that she doesn't think is healthy, then why is she cooking it and feeding it to her guests? He also feels like this is the food he is feeding FIL all the time and it can't be good for him.

What are your thoughts on this? Would you if you went to someone's house to eat dinner and they won't eat their own cooking??? Just looking for some other opinions.

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

Yeah, I find that really odd. However, my grandmother cooks fatty foods for my grandfather, but she then makes herself something healthy. It doesn't sound like that's going on at their house.
Her response is really odd. That's like saying, "Here's some poison to eat, but I know better, so I'll pass. But I'll give you a double helping!" With an evil laugh. Hahaha. I have a crazy imagination.
But yea, odd.

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

I would probably understand...I think I would understand if someone didn't want to eat w/fattening food...even if it was just once in a while. Plus, if that person doesn't eat that stuff and other poeple do, she is going out of her way to accomodate her guests which should be considered a nice thing no?


eta: if it were me I'd probably make it less obvious by cooking some healthy food too, and fill my plate with that rather than not eat kwim?

Message edited 11/2/2009 9:22:22 PM.

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

Posted by jerseypanda

I know, it's so bizarre! I even overheard her say to someone else that "I get the most pleasure out of seeing other people enjoy my cooking... but I don't like my own food. I would rather go to Taco Bell and get a DIET TACO."

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

Guess what! I do just that! It drives everyone nuts!

I spend so much time cooking and tasting what I have cooked, that by the time I sit down, I just don't feel like eating a plate full of food!!!

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

I know someone EXACTLY like this.

I think the person I know (bc I can only apply it to that person not yours since I don't know them....) LIKES giving these fattening foods to others...almost like haha look at them get fatter while I remain nice and trim.

Or maybe the person almost eats vicariously through those eating the fattening foods.

The person I know DEFINTLY has an eating disorder.

A 'healthful' person would make healthy foods and eat a portion.

This is all IMO of course...but the person I know does the same thing..and I personally love to eat PLENTY of the food prepared

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

I cook for my guests.. not myself.

Sometimes I will make something that I don't personally love because I know my guests will enjoy it.

I do, however, sit with my guests and take a plate. It might not be stuffed - but I do want to sit and eat and talk to my guests. I would find it incredibly rude if she cooked and then left you guys to eat without sitting and chatting over dinner. Even if it's just a small plate she should make an effort to relax with you.

She also may feel that you would dislike her version of healthy foods. My bf was Vegan for many years and would make chicken or whatever for us when we came over. We finally convinced her to just give us what she would eat and she was surprised and gratified to learn that we'd be willing to eat it!

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

MIL does this...she does it for attention though so it's not the same situation I don't think. She even makes a point of saying, after everyone at the table asks her to come sit down, "I never eat what I cook...it's just a thing with me". again.. Then people start asking her why and telling her how silly she is and how wonderful her food is and she says "oh really, you like it???" with a big shiit eating grin on her face. So irritating.

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

Is she at least a decent cook?

If she is a bad cook and the food is gross then who could blame her for not eating it

I know when we go to Christmas Eve at one of DH's aunts house she NEVER eats. But she says it's because she is eating all day while she is cooking the food So she is always full by the time the food is actually served LOL

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

i understand those who have said that they taste the food while cooking and then aren't hungry.

but this sounds as though she has an eating disorder. i have a cousin who admitted that she had one when in her 20s. this is the kind of stuff she used to do. she said that it was almost a sexual gratification to cook all that calorie-rich food and give it to the people she loved, but that it grossed her out to think of putting the food in her own mouth.

she also would have a million napkins next to her. she would chew her food and then spit it out into the napkin, so as to not swallow.

eating disorders are powerful stuff

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

I find it odd, but I also don't find it to be anyone's business. She may have some food issues, but thats her life, thats for her to deal with. As far as FIL is concerned, no one is putting a gun to his head to eat it. No one is putting a gun to your head to eat it. You can maybe broach to FIL that healthwise (and have info to back it up, IE medical data, resource books, pamphlets) that maybe he should be eating better, but I wouldn't outright come out and say she is feeding him bad food; to me that is insulting and he may have no problem with what he is eating. I mean, unless he's gorging on candy and pizza 24/7, he can choose to eat what he wants.

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

Honestly she is preparing a nice meal for guests, one that they will presumably enjoy. Why does she have to eat it if she doesnt want too?? I dont think it is wierd. Also your FIL is a big boy and your DH shouldnt get mad at her for cooking foods he likes unless he he has health issues prohibiting him from eating those foods. I think your DH is making something out of nothing.

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

If hostessing is her way to stay thin, then it's her business. I know people that smoke so they don't gain weight.

What I find strange is the "it's not healthy" comment. I would ask her to make my dad something healthy from then on.

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

Posted by greenfreak

Posted by DanaRenee

I would probably understand...I think I would understand if someone didn't want to eat w/fattening food...even if it was just once in a while. Plus, if that person doesn't eat that stuff and other poeple do, she is going out of her way to accomodate her guests which should be considered a nice thing no?

Agreed. I would be more apt to think that it was them being a good host, accommodating and nice rather than think negatively about it. I have a sister who is super healthy and may cook herself a different meal than everyone else or eats little of what we eat. She's thin but I wouldn't jump to eating disorder just because of that.

It's possible her DH likes that food or she thinks you do. Maybe you should make mention that you would like to eat healthier too and ask for her opinion. Then the next time you eat there, express an interest in her healthy cooking and she'll enjoy herself more too in the process.

Or if you don't care that much about how she eats, just slurp your food loudly and tell her how great it is.

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

Posted by jerseypanda

Posted by heathergirl

I find it odd, but I also don't find it to be anyone's business. She may have some food issues, but thats her life, thats for her to deal with. As far as FIL is concerned, no one is putting a gun to his head to eat it. No one is putting a gun to your head to eat it. You can maybe broach to FIL that healthwise (and have info to back it up, IE medical data, resource books, pamphlets) that maybe he should be eating better, but I wouldn't outright come out and say she is feeding him bad food; to me that is insulting and he may have no problem with what he is eating. I mean, unless he's gorging on candy and pizza 24/7, he can choose to eat what he wants.

I definitely agree with you that with FIL he is a grown man and if he wants to eat a healthier diet, he should be in control of that. In fact, that's exactly what I told DH. I think DH is a little extra concerned because FIL has high blood pressure and she is making food that is very high in sodium. He also doesn't have health insurance (something DH has tried to talk to him many times about but FIL doesn't seem overly concerned about it)

So I guess the major concern from DH is that she is cooking food she considers to be unheathy and not good enough for her to eat... yet that is what she cooks for everyone else. (and yes I get that nobody is putting a gun to our heads to eat it) I would just hope that FIL makes some better choices in his diet and if she is so health conscious I don't see why she can't change the way she cooks for the 2 of them.

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

Cooking elaborate meals for others and then not eating them yourself is a symptom of anorexia nervosa and i would be concerned for her.

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

I don't cook that much now, but I used to cook much more. I often ate/eat very little of what I make if I am cooking for others. Mostly for 2 reasons. One is that sometimes i snack as i cook and am not that hungry when the food is actually ready. the other is that i do cook on the very healthy side if i am cooking just for me (none or very little oil, fat free products, white meat turkey vs beef, etc). When I cook for others, i often cook to their liking and will use "fattier" products. It's not that it's unhealthy, it's just not as healthy as i would make it. and while i might eat the same stuff when i go out or eat someone else's food, if i put those ingredients in myself (like cream instead of skim milk), I just won't eat it--it's like a mental block.

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

Re: How would you feel about this... eating at someone's house who doesn't eat their own cooking?

I would find it odd, and I somewhat agree with other people's opinion about a possible eating disorder.

However, I know when I cook for company, I don't make 'low fat' meals because I want people to enjoy it! For example- I would prepare a ceasar salad for guests, when normally if it's just me and DH I would have oil and vinegar....... Or, if I was making ziti, I would use regular cheeses as opposed to fat free.

That said, I would definitely EAT what I cooked, especially since it's not like I eat that kind of food everyday... Perhaps she has a different view!