How would you feel if . .

Your mother or father (divorced) gave you a wedding gift - a check and told you not to cash it until after the honeymoon (they needed funds to clear) and then when you got back from honeymoon, he or she said to wait another week. Then you decided just to rip it up - because you know that parent was having major financial problems. Would you be offended that they wrote a bad check or would you think no big deal, I want him or her to keep the money - they are literally "poor" right now. Would you feel hurt?

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If it was my family and they were literally "poor" I would feel so bad about their situation that I think that my wedding gift would not even be a second thought.

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I just have mixed feelings about this one, I am hurt that is was never brought up again or anything, it has now been 2 years, It has nothing to do with getting the money, it is more like I keep getting disappointed by my own family. I feel don't even give the gift if it isn't good.

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It sux, but something that one gets used to. I have a close family member (wont say who) that said they were gonna give us an amount as our wedding gift. When the wedding came and passed, there was no card from them. I asked about it, and they said that their date held it by accident. Then they said they were going to mail it to me... I'm still waiting for it...

I think that if someone has to come to many excuses to give someone a gift, or return a loan, then they need the $ more than I do. Unforunately, I've been burned by this person before... and I'm ok with it now, because I know they need it more than I do and I'm not hurt by that. You live & learn, but I sympathize cause they're family.

Message edited 5/24/2005 4:15:00 PM.

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It seems to me that if you have a good relationship with your family and love them a gift or lack thereof should not be an issue

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I would feel like slipping my parent money every time I saw them if they were ever that poor. Imagine, them wanting to give you everything but not having the means to.

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Thank you all for your responses, I have given "them" money over the years - lets say lots of it and saw a little of it back, I guess I was hurt, not by the $ perhaps, but this is a constant thing. Promises, Promises even promises to come and visit - nothing.

I appreciated all your responses and outlooks, I have to learn to accept what I can not change.

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I have a similar situation, but my family member is by no means poor or hurting financially. My brother, a musician, guilted us into getting a band instead of a DJ and promised to pay $1k towards the band as our wedding gift. Wedding came and went and no gift, no card, nothing. In the few months since the wedding, he has purchased a brand new guitar, brand new drumset, and took a 2 week trip to Paris. If he was really financially strained, I wouldn't think twice... but, the fact that he's not, and that he didn't even honor our wedding by giving us a card, that's another story

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I would feel bad and if I knew it was legit I would hold on to it.

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on my dh side we had a family member who was in the wp give us a check and asked us not to cash it just yet and she will tell us when it will be ok well we where first shocked that she did it because we told anyone in the bp not to second we just mailed it back to her with void on it. and wrote her a nice little note! and said thank you for standing by our side on our special day! that was all the gift we needed! you did right by ripping it up!

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hmmmm, that's a tough one.

I think I would prefer to NOT receive a check as opposed to being told to hold off on cashing it.

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At my wedding one of my mother's closest friends gave us a check and told us to wait to cash it. I know that she has such a good heart and only wants to give to others but doesn't have the means to. We decided to rip up the check. It was truly the thought that counted...even though she had so little she wanted to give to us!

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One of my friends who I worked with and went to school with since preschool asked us to wait. I totally forgot about it. I told him and he was going to write us a new on but I told him not to worry about it. It wasn't about the money.

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I think you are my sister, we must share a dad. He did that to me. It was a substantial amount too.

We said, $crew it, we need the money and he hurt me so I'm taking it. He promised it me 2 years ago, its not like he didn't know the wedding was coming. We were just lucky to know enough not to count on it to pay for the wedding.

Sounds like you actualy love this parent, so the situation is different. My (our) dad left us with nothing, my mom came through and is better off without him.

I wouldn't rip up the check, you also don't want to offend your parent.

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Nora - you are funny, I don't have a sister, you can be mine if you like !