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pugmama
April already?
Member since 3/06 5297 total posts
Name:
Erica
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How would you handle - SIL situation
My brother and his wife have been married for two years but they have not been together much longer than that. My sil was bridezilla and demanded what she wanted and didnt care what others thought or the expense. My brother let her have her way and that hasnt stopped yet. They have a 9 month old son. She quit her high paying job to be a sahm - her choice...even though they cant afford the lifestyle she wants on my brothers salary.
Everytime we see them - which is not that often even though we are only 15-20 minutes away - my sil holds my nephew the whole time and if she doesnt he cries. While Sydney lets everyone hold her. They complain that when we all get together Sydney gets the attention and not their son - Matthew - but it is because they dont let us give him attention with her always holding him.
My brother's birthday is coming up and sil calls me to let me know that she is planning a surprise bday party for him. I said great - but then she says and there will be no kids there besides Matthew! I was like um excuse me what about his niece. She says - She is only 10 months old it is not like she knows her uncle anyway! My mom and my grandmother live near us so besides daycare and my neighbor for an hour they are the only ones who have watched Sydney and if my mom and my grandmother are at the party I wouldnt have a sitter. My grandmother has a live in nurse so my sil says that she can watch Sydney - meanwhile she is supposed to take care of my grandmother who will be at the party and what if she wanted to attend the party? I also tried to explain that since I work full time the weekends are the only time that I really get to see Sydney so I dont feel comfortable giving up my time with her since I had a weding last weekend and went without her and will be going way without her next weekend.
SIL felt that if she let Sydney come then she would have to let her friends who have kids bring their kids and that would take away the focus of the party. I didnt see her point since Sydney is family and she is 10 months old - not 3 and able to run around.
SIL calls me a few hours later and says since you were so upset about Sydney not being included I decided to include kids. She then this week tells my grandmother that because of me she will have 25 kids at the party!!!! Meanwhile these are her friends, not my brothers, and they are older kids not like Sydney who will be in a stroller or high chair the whole time.
She makes me so mad! 
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Posted 10/29/06 5:54 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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MatteosMom
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 1494 total posts
Name:
Carolyn
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Re: How would you handle - SIL situation
Wow, what a jerk!!!!
ETA: I'm not sure how to handle it. It's so hard to figure out how to deal with people like that. Is there a way you could let her know that you did not insist she invite all the kids, and that she could have just invited the children in the family?
Message edited 10/29/2006 6:04:20 PM.
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| Posted 10/29/06 5:58 PM |
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Samlove
Member since 5/05 4729 total posts
Name:
Shari
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Re: How would you handle - SIL situation
Well she is being really selfish. Hello family comes before anyone. Just because Sydney is there doesnt mean she needs to have her friends kids. A neice is different then a friends child at least I think so.
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| Posted 10/29/06 7:53 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you handle - SIL situation
I'm not saying this is how you should handle it if I were dropped in the middle of your situation now:
I would call my sister in law and tell her that it was completely inappropriate to tell my grandmother I caused her to invite 25 extra children. I would tell her that I asked her to accomodate family - and that it wasn't necessary to invite everyone else's child. Depending on how that conversation goes, I may even consider bailing out of the party altogether and telling my brother afterwards why.
I realize this is over the top. The thing is that while I believe family is one of the most important thing in my life it doesn't mean I have to take their bs if they are completely disrespectful & hurtful.
The truth is that if this were me, I wouldn't have called my SIL & asked to bring my child if it was clear they weren't invited. I would have arranged for a babysitter. At the party if anyone asked where Sydney was, I would say "She wasn't invited." I've had a similar situation with a family engagement party. I handled it the same way - and even though I didn't make a big deal of it at all - our side of the family were thoroughly annoyed with the groom's side.
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| Posted 10/29/06 8:47 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: How would you handle - SIL situation
I'm sorry. She sounds like a real winner 
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| Posted 10/29/06 8:51 PM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: How would you handle - SIL situation
Posted by nrthshgrl
I would call my sister in law and tell her that it was completely inappropriate to tell my grandmother I caused her to invite 25 extra children. I would tell her that I asked her to accomodate family - and that it wasn't necessary to invite everyone else's child. Depending on how that conversation goes, I may even consider bailing out of the party altogether and telling my brother afterwards why.
I agree with this. I would also tell your grandmother and mother that you are not the reason everyone else's children had to be invited - your SIL took it upon herself to not distinguish between family and friends.
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| Posted 10/29/06 8:54 PM |
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michele31
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3372 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: How would you handle - SIL situation
I believe that a niece or nephew should be included and that your SIL can easily tell any non-siblings that because of the size of the gathering she can only inc. the immediate family children.
A wedding, of course, I can see not allowing children due to the nature of the event but a suprise birthday party? That is silly and petty.
Also a nurse who cares for your grandmother does not care for children...she is there to make sure your grandmother is safe and sound..she is NOT a babysitter. That was VERY rude of your SIL to suggest IMO.
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| Posted 10/29/06 9:02 PM |
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mommy2bella
Where does time go?
Member since 12/05 9747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: How would you handle - SIL situation
Posted by Karen
Posted by nrthshgrl
I would call my sister in law and tell her that it was completely inappropriate to tell my grandmother I caused her to invite 25 extra children. I would tell her that I asked her to accomodate family - and that it wasn't necessary to invite everyone else's child. Depending on how that conversation goes, I may even consider bailing out of the party altogether and telling my brother afterwards why.
I agree with this. I would also tell your grandmother and mother that you are not the reason everyone else's children had to be invited - your SIL took it upon herself to not distinguish between family and friends.
Barbara is right. How rude, selfish, and mean of her. I wouldn't want to go... It's a tough situation.
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| Posted 10/29/06 9:36 PM |
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oops123
LIF Adult
Member since 8/05 2509 total posts
Name:
michelle
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Re: How would you handle - SIL situation
It shouldnt even be a question that your daughter would be invited, its your brothers party & she is his niece...the other children are irrelevent-really, they are nothing to your brother.
i wouldnt have even questioned it, Id just ASSUME that your daughter was OBVIOUSLY an acception,being the neice-
I would have just said to her after she said no other children besides their son will be there.....
"hmmmm yeah, thats a good idea, but being that my daughter's his niece,Im sure he'd want her there,and im sure you wont have to pay for an extra plate, so....great! We're all looking forward to the party.. bye!" and hung up!
Haha!
If she still had a problem with it then id have the attitude "well if my daughter cant go, then neither can we".
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| Posted 10/29/06 9:47 PM |
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MrsBumbleb
it's me
Member since 5/05 11234 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: How would you handle - SIL situation
She is how she is Erica I don't think you'd get your message across if you didn't show, and I don't think your brother would confront her so just go and avoid her like the plague if possible.
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| Posted 10/29/06 10:10 PM |
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pugmama
April already?
Member since 3/06 5297 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: How would you handle - SIL situation
Posted by MrsBumbleb
She is how she is Erica I don't think you'd get your message across if you didn't show, and I don't think your brother would confront her so just go and avoid her like the plague if possible.
I know, it just infuriates me, and when we try and say friends and family are different she says, my friends are my family!- maybe one or two but not 15 with 25 kids!
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| Posted 10/30/06 8:01 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: How would you handle - SIL situation
Posted by pugmama
I know, it just infuriates me, and when we try and say friends and family are different she says, my friends are my family!- maybe one or two but not 15 with 25 kids!
No offense, because I adore my friends, but if this girl can't see the difference between true family and friends then she's pretty pathetic. It sounds like she's throwing this party more for herself than your brother.
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| Posted 10/30/06 8:23 AM |
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Freddie
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 1162 total posts
Name:
Freddie
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Re: How would you handle - SIL situation
She is obviously living a very negative life. She wanted an excuse to invite her friends kids, but she couldn't find the joy in doing so, so she used you as an excuse.
I would be telling everyone who listened the situation
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| Posted 10/30/06 8:23 AM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you handle - SIL situation
Posted by Karen
Posted by nrthshgrl
I would call my sister in law and tell her that it was completely inappropriate to tell my grandmother I caused her to invite 25 extra children. I would tell her that I asked her to accomodate family - and that it wasn't necessary to invite everyone else's child. Depending on how that conversation goes, I may even consider bailing out of the party altogether and telling my brother afterwards why.
I agree with this. I would also tell your grandmother and mother that you are not the reason everyone else's children had to be invited - your SIL took it upon herself to not distinguish between family and friends.
I totally agree with this. Besides your brother and I am sure your entire family would want your daughter to be there.
Message edited 10/30/2006 8:33:21 AM.
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| Posted 10/30/06 8:33 AM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: How would you handle - SIL situation
Posted by mommy2bellabean
Posted by Karen
Posted by nrthshgrl
I would call my sister in law and tell her that it was completely inappropriate to tell my grandmother I caused her to invite 25 extra children. I would tell her that I asked her to accomodate family - and that it wasn't necessary to invite everyone else's child. Depending on how that conversation goes, I may even consider bailing out of the party altogether and telling my brother afterwards why.
I agree with this. I would also tell your grandmother and mother that you are not the reason everyone else's children had to be invited - your SIL took it upon herself to not distinguish between family and friends.
Barbara is right. How rude, selfish, and mean of her. I wouldn't want to go... It's a tough situation.
I agree. What a selfish BEEEYOCH! I mean, who is she throwing this party for????
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| Posted 10/30/06 8:58 AM |
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