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Charly
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How would you handle this? Daycare/preschool related
DD is 3 and is daycare 3 days a week. She's in their preschool program. There's a boy in her class with some behavioral issues. Violent tantrums, hits, pushes, disrupts the class throughout the day, everyday. I spend more time there than I should and I've seen it first hand. Some child is always crying about something he's done. Activities are delayed while the teachers try to calm him down etc. They hired 2 special ed teachers to work in that room knowing his issues.
My DD has issues with anxiety. She is working with a social worker from the CPSC (EI for preschoolers) to help her. Same social worker is working with him.
My DD has been coming home lately saying he's been pushing/hitting her. That he scares her. That schools not fun anymore and she doesn't want to go.
I've had countless conversations with the director about this child. The teachers try to keep them at separate activities/stations but it's not working. She has suddenly started having violent tantrums. Same kind I've seen him have. She's hitting us and her brother. This all started this week and the complaining about him started a few weeks ago. Leaving isn't that easy. There are wait lists, but more concerning is her anxiety. She has friends there, she's comfortable there except for this one child. I don't want to pull her out and change her world because of 1 kid.
But what CAN I do? The school says their hands are tied. They gave the parents an ultimatium - get him evaluated or he has to leave. So after a year of "threats' they finally got him evaluated. He is receiving the bare minimum of services because the parents aren't cooperating and don't believe he has an issue. Now that he's getting services they have to give it time before they can ask him to leave. They said at least a year.
What would you do in this situation? While i'm happy he's getting help, its really upsetting the other 12 children in that room - but more important to me - he's really affecting my daughter's anxiety and her behavior. She's a GOOD girl, but lately she's very angry and violent. NOT a typical tantrum.
ETA: I went through the process of finding another center a year ago, and there's nothing else around us that has what we need. We live in Putnam and there's only a few centers locally. The only one we liked was out of our budget. I hate this. My poor DD. I wish I didn't have to work!!!!
Message edited 1/25/2010 11:00:16 PM.
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Posted 1/25/10 10:44 PM  |
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KateDevine
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Re: How would you handle this? Daycare/preschool related
Wow. What a hard situation
I don't know what you can do at this point, I guess take her out, but I completely understand why you do not want to that too
And his parents aren't cooperative with the school, so there is no reason why they would be with you if you contacted them, right?
Ugh, I'm sorry Jodi, that is SUCKY
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| Posted 1/25/10 10:47 PM |
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Charly
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Re: How would you handle this? Daycare/preschool related
Posted by KateDevine
And his parents aren't cooperative with the school, so there is no reason why they would be with you if you contacted them, right?
I KNOW way more about the situation then I should. It just so happens my DD's social worker knows he triggers her anxiety and we've had conversations about certain things. Very recently she was assigned to him. So now she can't really discuss anythign because of confidentiality, but it's already out there. She's signing off on DD because she feels she's doing better. However I have a meeting with her tomorrow about these new behaviors and want her to stick around a little longer.
It was explained to me that if the parents don't fight/request for the services the child won't get them. It took the parents a full year to agree to get him evaluated. They won't allow the SW in their home for the parenting training.
The school can't say anythign to me - everything is confidential.
Message edited 1/25/2010 10:54:39 PM.
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| Posted 1/25/10 10:51 PM |
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waterspout4
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Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
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Kelly
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Re: How would you handle this? Daycare/preschool related
Is there another class to switch to?
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| Posted 1/25/10 10:52 PM |
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Sweets13
Bella Bambini
Member since 5/05 9300 total posts
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Re: How would you handle this? Daycare/preschool related
Everywhere you go, there will always be that ONE kid in the class. This kid seems to be the extreme and since the parents are in denial, I would start calling around other daycare/preschools and put my name on some waiting lists. I see your point with the anxiety issue, but she can continue her therapy at the new place. It is not fair for your daughter and he may be contributing to her anxiety.
Good Luck:hug
Message edited 1/25/2010 10:56:51 PM.
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| Posted 1/25/10 10:54 PM |
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Charly
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Member since 5/05 12578 total posts
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Re: How would you handle this? Daycare/preschool related
Posted by waterspout4
Is there another class to switch to?
no there is only one class for the 3 year olds. I wouldn't want her to have to leave her other friends. She's been with most of these kids since she started daycare at 5 months.
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| Posted 1/25/10 10:55 PM |
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DancinBarefoot
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Re: How would you handle this? Daycare/preschool related
What a tough situation to be in. I *think* I would try to find another program for DC. If the school is telling you that have to give this other child a chance for at least a year, (when they already gave it a year) I don't see how you can continue to leave your DD in that situation.
I completely understand about not wanting to upset her world, and being completely torn between leaving her potentially in harm's way with this other chiild, and causing her further mental anguish by finding another setting.
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| Posted 1/25/10 10:57 PM |
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Sweets13
Bella Bambini
Member since 5/05 9300 total posts
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Re: How would you handle this? Daycare/preschool related
Posted by Charly
Posted by waterspout4
Is there another class to switch to?
no there is only one class for the 3 year olds. I wouldn't want her to have to leave her other friends. She's been with most of these kids since she started daycare at 5 months.
Right, but she may be better off in a new school with new kids. What good is it keeping her in a school with friends she has been with since 5 months if there is a boy who is adding to her anxiety and also hitting her? The issue won't get better since the parents are in denial. It will only get worse, IMO.
ETA: I pulled DS out of his original daycare last year because of a boy in his class who was out of control. I was upset and scared to be taking DS out of his comfort zone but I also was not comfortable leaving him somewhere that I knew he was not safe.
Message edited 1/25/2010 11:04:31 PM.
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| Posted 1/25/10 10:59 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
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Re: How would you handle this? Daycare/preschool related
Wow the same thing happened in our preschool class for months. They hired an aid etc etc and finally after all that time of him disrupting, touching, hitting etc he was pulled. I can tell you other parents were getting really upset and starting get on the director to do something about it....I would be totally honest with the director and say if more is not done you will have to look at other places. Are other parents just as upset??
Message edited 1/26/2010 6:44:29 AM.
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| Posted 1/26/10 6:43 AM |
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Re: How would you handle this? Daycare/preschool related
Just sent you and FM.
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| Posted 1/26/10 7:50 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
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LB
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Re: How would you handle this? Daycare/preschool related
I really think I would try and find a new center. At this point I would even consider a private daycare setting while I looked for a new pre-school. I know this is a really hard decision for you, but if she is being bullied by this boy and the center/director isn't doing anything about it, and now she's mimicking his behaviors, it's time to leave before it gets worse.
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| Posted 1/26/10 8:05 AM |
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