I am already dreading the holidays..if you have selfish family members too, come on in!

In this case it is my mother...

Each year she makes Christmas diffiicult for me. I live in VA, she is in NY. My husbands family for the most part is in NJ but his parents moved to AZ.

We are splitting time this year...the 23/24th at my moms, 25th and 26th at his sisters. Next year we will reverse it. I think its more than fair. Yet I know I will be told how important christmas day is to her and she never sees me enough... ( I Just went home with the baby for a few days as well as the beginning of october....DH"s parents saw him once).

My mom has made christening plans HELL For me as she feels we should do the party in NY and told me if it were in VA not to bother inviting her family (ummm hello they are MY family too!!??).

Can anyone else relate?? Its supposed to be such a happy time for me, yet she makes it all about her...Just upset right now

Re: I am already dreading the holidays..if you have selfish family members too, come on in!

Well now you know how not to act as a mother....sorry she is making things difficult

Re: I am already dreading the holidays..if you have selfish family members too, come on in!

I totally know how you feel being in CT and everyone is NY.

I have learned to ignore the guilty comments, the rudeness and selfishness, no matter how thick my family lays it on.

DH and I constantly say, we live in CT this is our home, we are not going to make things easier for you so you don't have to travel. I heard crap about the christening, baby shower, birthdays, and it's starting already with DD's 1st birthday.

Believe me, they get over it, if they want to see their grandchildren.

Stay strong, And DO WHAT"S BEST FOR YOU, DH and your baby!!

YOu will never be able to make everyone happy, the only that counts is your family-dh, you and little one

Good luck!

Re: I am already dreading the holidays..if you have selfish family members too, come on in!

Just thought I'd add that my parents and in-laws live ONE TOWN away and I still get a ton of grief. Nothing we do is ever enough for each side. They both seem to want us at the same time and just don't get that we can't be in two places at once. Now that we have a baby I think its only going to get worse. Its terrible to say but I'm dreading the holidays because I know there will be fights. So I don't have any advice, I just thought I'd say you're not alone!

Re: I am already dreading the holidays..if you have selfish family members too, come on in!

Perhaps you need to have a talk with you mother. You live in another state. You are raising your family in another state. She needs to begin to accept and respect that.
Your baby is being Christened where you live. If family cannot travel for the party, then they can't. That is not her call or yours. I would invite who I wanted and let them RSVP "no" if they cannot come. Many people enjoy traveling to family functions. Those who don't will miss them.
Maybe you should begin to consider staying home with for Christmas and then coming to NY afterwards. That way the holidays are not as stressful. Plus as the baby gets older you will want Santa to come to your house. Maybe now is a good time to start.

What I do for Easter is invite BOTH sides to my house. It is such a fun time for us. My house is FULL, yes. But everyone is together. Maybe you can do Christmas in VA and invite people to come down for it. If they really want to see you then they will make a trip.

I am sorry that people are making this wonderful time in your life so stressful. That is just not fair.

Re: I am already dreading the holidays..if you have selfish family members too, come on in!

Re: I am already dreading the holidays..if you have selfish family members too, come on in!

Re: I am already dreading the holidays..if you have selfish family members too, come on in!

We're in a very similar situation. I was born here, relocated b/c of divorce, but a lot of my family are still here. However, my mother and her husband live in AZ and my father and his wife live in FL. My husbands family is in OH. So we get alot of grief and we have alot of guilt too. B/c my mother moved my bro and I out of state as kids we spent all of our holidays traveling to see "family" but rarely had a holiday at home.

We just had our first child and I've decided i don't want that for my kids. I want them to enjoy the holidays and develop traditions at home. My DH, myself and the baby are our family. I have invited everyone else to come to our house and some of them are taking us up on the offer. But I simply can't get around to all of them and if I start alternating we'll never have any solid traditions and we'll never spend a holiday at our house. You have to do what's right for you, but keep in mind that the tables have turned somewhat. You have the grandchildren and that should be a tremendous motivator for your parents to come around. It has worked for at least some of the grandparents in our situation who have realized that they want to see their granddaughter and often and will travel to do so if necessary. We're doing our best to transition them into the idea that we're going to celebrate the holidays at home. So sorry you have to deal with this. I know exactly how you feel. It's very stressful. I feel it and I don't want to pass that on to my daughter. I want her holidays to be joyful and relaxed.

Re: I am already dreading the holidays..if you have selfish family members too, come on in!

Totally can relate. My parents went through a BITTER divorce. They hate each other and I have to always divide everything with them because - let's just put it this way almost 20 years since they have been divorced my father is STILL with my mother's former best friend. This year to complicate everything my brother is coming home for Christmas. So now I will have to have Christmas eve and Christmas day at my house because I don't want to be dragging my brother and my baby all around the island because these two idiots can't get over it. But now that means I have to decide what to do with my father's family because my mother doesn't want to be around them. So do I not invite them or do I and have my mother walking around with a HUGE attitude all day. Being a child of a messy divorce suxs!

Re: I am already dreading the holidays..if you have selfish family members too, come on in!

Not that I wish anyone were going through it, but its nice to know I'm not alone.

I forgot to add earlier that my parents had one messy divorce as well...just a few years ago so that complicates matters even more.

I just wish i didn't feel such GUILT when i make decisions. I am left feeling like a terrible, selfish person by the one person I was always so close to..my mom. I am one of 6 children and i know her family is everything to her, but now i have my own and am trying to accomodate everyone...DH's family, my family, my dads family and now..my own family (me, DH, and DS).

I just wish that one day of the year woudln't cause such hurt feelings. It isn't like i'm not compromising!! I've agreed to see everyone for 2 days at christmas.

I'm just feeling really sad because of it all...I should be happy right now...but my mom is making me very upset.