I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

I cannot freaking take this sleep bs anymore. I just can't. 2.5 years we went without any major sleep problems and now it's a freaking nightmare every, single night. I haven't had a good night's sleep in ages and I'm about to break. My husband is working an overnight tonight and I think I might lose it.
I've tried everything I've read in books, I've made my own sh-t up, I've asked you girls for advice and NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING is effing working. I cannot take it. She fights going to sleep, then she wakes up a million times a night screaming. I can't take it, I can't take it, I can't take it. She's up screaming now and I just can't deal. It's gotten so bad that I cannot even fall asleep at night because I just have so much anxiety over when she's going to wake up screaming. And sad to say, I'm already on a ton of anxiety meds. I can't do this anymore I just want my life back and my sleep back and my normal child back.

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

i can only imagine how absolutely horrible this must be....i wish i had some good advice for you! i know this is probably the most stupid question but have you tried just "ignoring" her? now i know she's not a little baby in a crib that you can do CIO with so it's not that easy.. but if she is not sick, not hurting, and is safe, is there a way you can tell her that it is nighttime and it's sleep time and that is that? let her work herself up til she realizes it's not going to work anymore? see, i think she knows the payoff of her behavior is possibly getting to sleep in your bed and/or simply getting attention. there is a response i think they are looking for and it keeps them going. you need your sleep-she does too. maybe it's time to just be brutally tough? i am so sorry i don't know...i am not an experienced mom by any means. i am just thinking that since you have tried everything else, maybe this could do it.
wishing you so much luck and lots of very very soon!

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

Thank you for responding. And what you said is exactly what I know I need to be doing. From day one, she's been a kid that needs to CIO, and eventually gets the hint and we have no problems. I don't know why I have this overwhelming sense of guilt these days that has caused me to give in to her. I guess I need to toughen up and stop sending her the wrong message about night time. Thank you so much for saying exactly what I needed to hear. It's just so hard to think rationally when you haven't slept much and your rock, aka husband, isn't even home

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

aw-i just feel so bad for you! not having your DH for support makes this that much harder. and i am sure your guilt and not wanting to be the bad guy stems from knowing there have been a lot of changes lately. i totally can understand that. i think it's time to take the bull by the horns for your own sanity. my DD did not sleep for the first 4 months and i will NEVER forget the effects and feelings of sleep deprivation. i was a mess-and anxiety was the worst part. i couldn't sleep either b/c i was waiting for her get up. it was awful. CIO was finally the answer once she was old enough. you have a smart and strong willed little girl who needs you at your best and who needs you to teach her to sleep independently again. it will happen. be easy on yourself. again, wishing you all the best to make it happen!

note the time i am writing this? i am awake by my own fault ironically and not DD's! pregnancy insomnia! hope you get some sleep!

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

I am at this point with DS and he is only 8 months......I can't got to sleep early because I always think he'll be waking soon. I wake around 3 am EVERY night even if he doesn't because he did for so long. Now he just wakes later so I am up ALL night


I have no advice, only because I can see you need it!

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

Yes its time to be strong and firm. Go Supernanny on her. Nightime is for sleep, let her cry, if she gets out of bed put her right back in no talking, no playing just right back in to bed. Will she respond to rewards? Have you tried a sticker chart or something like that? Its not easy I have been there.

Message edited 2/19/2009 6:48:35 AM.

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

We struggled with Rj and co-sleeping up until just before his 3rd birthday, at which point he was ready to go on his own...

I tried everything... CIO, moving away every 5 min, reading books... you name it, we tried it!

When he was ready he went on his own, and now bed time is a breeze... On the weekends (or some days after work) he'll lay with me in my bed or even stay the night and has no problem transitioning back to his bed the next day...

So basically, I have no advice.... but promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel...

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

My advice is limited but since DD was a baby, she has not been a good sleeper. I don't think in her 2 1/2 years, we have had her consistently sleeping through the night. For her and us, although we tried it for over a month, CIO doesn't work for her. She will cry for hours and hours night after night. At this point, what has seemed to start working when she is up in the middle of the night is talking to her and telling her that mommy needs to go to sleep. That works sometimes along with putting her sleepy time music on.

We went through a stage of nightmare or night terrors. What worked for those few months, was on bad nights...going and sleeping on the floor. It wasn't the optimal solution but it did allow for all of us to get some rest.

It is probably a stage and she will eventually grow out of it but it's exhausting and so frustrating when you are in the middle of it.

I hope Ava grows out of it soon.

I should add that going to bed is a breeze so my suggestions are only for the middle of the night wakings.

Message edited 2/19/2009 8:23:17 AM.

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

Message edited 2/19/2009 12:44:34 PM.

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

I think consistency and tough love are key here.

Alex started doing this as well in the past few months, and I've just had to toughen up with her.

If she cries when putting her to sleep, or in the middle of the night, I can't ignore her anymore, because she'll get up out of her room and come to me. So instead, I will walk over to her room, barely say a word, put her back in bed, and tell her it is time for sleep. I just keep doing that over and over - don't reward her with conversation, hugs, kisses or play, because that will give her incentive to keep doing it. I think you can go to her, which will calm her down before it gets out of control, but keep your voice down, barely say a word, only to say, "it's sleepytime Ava", put her back in bed and walk away.

I also use incentives with Alex. During weeks in which she acts out at night a lot, I will tell her that if she stays in her bed and doesn't cry, she can see her favorite show/movie in the morning. Or, in the altnerative, at night, when it's time to put her to bed, if she was good the night before, I'll read her one more book. I will remind her, before I walk out of her room, that if she gets out of bed at night, or starts crying, that she won't be able to see her favorite show in the morning, or that I won't read her an extra book.

For us, it does seem to be working - good luck!!

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

Rach,

I feel you. You know I do. When we have nights like this quite honestly, I bring Dee into bed with me. I tell her to go to sleep. If she won't then I put the TV on, on CNN and tell her to watch TV (if she is going to stay up she is going to learn something ) and then I roll over and go to sleep and she is usually back to sleep in 15 minutes (CNN to a 3 yr old is more torture then sleeping) and just sleep in the same bed and then move her back to your own bed once you get a couple of nights sleep back into you. Dee has no problem doing this. She just spent a couple nights in a hotel with us, co sleeping and went right into her own room last night. They are old enough now to be able to do this.

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

Posted by Jamie

Rach,

I feel you. You know I do. When we have nights like this quite honestly, I bring Dee into bed with me. I tell her to go to sleep. If she won't then I put the TV on, on CNN and tell her to watch TV (if she is going to stay up she is going to learn something ) and then I roll over and go to sleep and she is usually back to sleep in 15 minutes (CNN to a 3 yr old is more torture then sleeping) and just sleep in the same bed and then move her back to your own bed once you get a couple of nights sleep back into you. Dee has no problem doing this. She just spent a couple nights in a hotel with us, co sleeping and went right into her own room last night. They are old enough now to be able to do this.

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. We have had lots of sleep issues in this house as well. All of the ladies above have given excellent advice (I'm notebooking this for my future problems. ) I really hope it gets better for you SOON!!! I know how rough the days after little sleep are.

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

There's lots of good advice in this thread.

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

Oh Mama, I know how you feel!!! I'm seriously looking to get a sleep professional in here to help.

I feel like Im going crazy and am on edge all day waiting for bedtime.

I wish I had advice, but your not alone.

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

Thank you so much, girls. I know my post was quite frantic, but it was the middle of the night and I was at my wits end.
As for me being upset about the overnights, yeah, I am, but I'm not scared to be in my house alone with Ava. Not in the slightest. I feel very safe here, and quite honestly, JT used to work until midnight, anyway, so I'd go to sleep the same way I do now.
I just left her last night when she was crying and she eventually went back to sleep. She stirred a few times, but for the most part, she slept. I really think that for Ava, I need to just tell her it's time to go to bed and that she can cry and whine, but I'm not coming back in. She's so smart that if I give in to her even a little, she'll keep going and going and going until she gets her way, which is me in her room or her in my bed. I cannot sleep with her in my bed. She kicks and and she tosses and turns and I get even less sleep than if she's up screaming. So I'm going to try preparing her all day for tonight's new procedure. I need to be strong. But I have so much guilt that I need to put aside. I think that by going into her and trying to comfort her so much, I'm feeding her sense of insecurity. In fact I know I am. Ugg. Anyway, I'll let you all know how it goes tonight. And I really appreciate everyone's responses.

Re: I am at my freaking wits end. I've reached my breaking point.

I understand your pain, but you really shouldn't feel guilty for helping your child learn to be healthier. Do you have a video monitor? When I went through this thats what I needed so I could stop imagining what might be wrong with her that tempted me to go in.

Rent yourself a lighthearted movie that you love. Buy a box of chocolates to eat. Find a computer game to distract you. Do whatever you can to concentrate on something other than listening. It will be better in a week.