I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

My parents watched DS for me today b/c I worked today. I only work 2 days a week. My parents left before I got home from work and went to my grandmother's house b/c my uncle ( I guess it's my great uncle since it is my grandmother's brother) is up visiting from Florida. I just called my mom on her cell phone to say thank you for watching DS today b/c I worked late and did not see them before I got home. My mom asked me why I had to work so late and as I was telling her I heard my uncle yell in the background, "Can you tell her to quit her job and take care of her child!" I dont know whether to be angry or upset. I only work 2 days a week and only went back to work after DS turned 7 months. DH watches him on Mondays b/c he's off and my parents on Thursdays...it's not like I am leaving him with strangers.

For a little background, leaving a child in daycare in my family is unacceptable. My mom and all of my aunts (my mom and dad's siblings) stayed home until my cousins and I were in school full-time and even then they were home from work before we got home from school. The only person in my family who has put their child in daycare is my step-brother and SIL...they live in NC and there is no family there to watch the baby. My grandfather is angry about it and all he talks about are the bad habits and diseases that daycares are filled with. DS is going to be 1 in April and I was thinking about working another day or two starting in the summer (at that point DS will be 15 months) and thought putting him in a daycare would be beneficial to play with other kids, he will be walking and starting to talk by then so he won't be so fragile and I won't worry so much...well even the mention of it to my parents or family and you would think I killed someone. And now hearing my uncle say this makes me feel worse...meanwhile I work 2 days...2 f*cking days a week to get out of the house and feel like a person again.

Today is just not my day!

ETA: I just wanted to clarify so I dont upset anyone, what I said about daycare is not my opinion...it is how my family members feel about it and the opinions they have expressed to me. I knew when I had children that it was expected for me to stay home and not work...obviously I can make my own choice and I did, but then I decided it was time for me to go back to work and planned on slowly working my way back to full-time. But how do I do that with no support from anyone?

Message edited 1/24/2008 9:43:29 PM.

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

im sorry! i hate people sometimes! family even more!

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

people need to mind there own business!

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

wow im so sorry he said that about you! i dont think youre doing anything wrong, you know youre not doing anything wrong.. so let people say what they want..

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

It's 2008 and your uncle needs to shut his trap. He doesn't live in this century and you need to do what is best for your family and if that is working (even if it is just for your mental well being) then so be it.

Please don't stress yourself out by it It is so hard these days to make it happen on oen salary that I think somethings the older generations just have no idea. My great aunt couldn't believe I worked while I was pregnant.

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

that was uncalled for

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

Some older ladies at my previous job did not know why I had still working until I gave birth. They kept telling me to take time off. I told them the rule of FMLA and wanted to take care of DS after birth. Just because that's how they did it.

Whatever your family DID in the PAST is their business. I don't think it's fair to expect you not to use daycare or go back to work because nobody else did in your family. Sorry but I find this totally absurd.

It sounds like you great uncle is rather rude, inconciderate and plain selfish. Like that "interfered" with the plans. I don't think he cares about you working late but rather that it was an inconvenience to him with DC's grandparents having to watch him.

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

Your uncle needs to shut it. He needs to mind his own business and know it is 2008 where women can do what they want. On the whole day care thing. I know you will not have your family's support but this is YOUR child and you know what is best. They have NO CHOICE

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

I'm so sorry you have to listen to that kind of rubbish.

I actually just heard someone at work say that women should stay home with their kids and not work I love DD but I need my part time job so I can get out of the house and use my brain and my college degree.

Don't sweat it. The generation gap makes people say stupid things. You are actually doing a good thing for your DC by going out to work. Anything that makes you a happier person, makes you a better mommy. And you probably value your time with DC more after being away for a few hours.

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

Tell him to get back in his cage...also tell him that XXX(insert person who he admires name here) was the child of a working mother and look at how well they did...

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

I'm sorry that happened to you. I think b/c of their age it's just what they were brought up to believe is the right thing at their time. I actually have the opposite with my family. I stayed home after my second was born (I have three now) and my family is always asking me when I'm going back to work so I can help my DH make money! I guess your da**ed if you do and da**ed if you don't.

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

Don't worry...call him...tell him you thought about it and if he gives you the extra cash you bring in to stay home you def will...
then tell him to f off.

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

I don't think a lot of the older generation quite gets what it takes to run a household today...or to even purchase a home. Most of us do not have the luxury of buying a home and paying every other bill on one salary. It's hurtful what he said, but you just have to ignore it. You are doing the best thing for your family, and that is awesome!!

I can relate b/c although my family wasn't quite as harsh, I would get comments throughout my pregnancy like "If you can, you should stay home..a baby should have it's mother home with them". I would reply by saying "If we can make it work I'll be home and if not I have no hesitations about daycare".

Ultimately I stayed home but we are in an apartment and pretty much paycheck to paycheck..daycare will be around the corner and I think it will actually benefit DS..the socialization factor is very appealing!!

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

it's definitely a generational thing. back then, mothers stayed home - there was no debate about it. I think they have a very hard time understanding how much times have changed (especially on LI)!

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

I am sorry that they made you feel that way. However, this is your life and noone elses. Times have changed as well. Many people have careers and pu ttheir children in to daycare. YOu have to do what is best for YOU so you dont lose yourself that is number one and what is best for your son.

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

Your great uncle is from a different generation. He just doesn't get it. It's not his place, and it sure ins't any of his business what you do.

Was he rude and wrong? In my opinion yes. But tough noogies for him. This is your family, and you do what's best for them. You decide, not anyone else.

Easier said then done? Yes. But you are doing the right thing for you and your family.

And congrats to you for going against the norm in your family and stepping outside of the the "what's expected" box.

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

I would say to your uncle what I said to anyone who asked me why I was putting my son in daycare at such a young age....

I will gladly stay at home with him if you are willing to pay my salary. If you don't have that money to give up, then neither do I. Thanks anyway...

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

You need to focus on the decision(s) that you and DH have made for your family and not let others' comments get to you. People will always have something to say, sadly you'd think a family member would be more supportive but honestly many members of the older generation just don't get it. My own mom said to me at one point "can't you just stay home" NO MOM. I CAN'T. If it's any consolation you are right, daycare definitely has many plusses. In the end you gotta do what's right for Your family and try not to take people's comments to heart!

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

It's definitely a generational thing... Some of my great aunts have made disapproving faces because DS is in daycare.

You have to make decisions based on your family and your life in 2008, and not based on what others expect of you, even if they are family. It's hard - I know.

As you know - I work in they city 4 days a week and I work from home on Fridays. I work mostly because I have to, BUT I do know now that I would not be completely happy as a SAHM either. DS is in a great daycare, and in my opinion, he is thriving there.

I'm so sorry you are hurting!

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

If it comes up, I would simply say, when you pay my bills and contribute to my savings as we face a possible recession, then I will take your advice.

My mom worked in the 60's and 70's - he is more than behind the times and he should be the one feeling bad about hurting your feelings.

on a totally side note - kids learn SO MUCH in daycare! It really is a learning explosion - don't rule it out.

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

Re: I am shocked and hurt by what a family member just said to me

I love it when men, especially those who are not in the child rearing stage, can make unsolicited opinions on topics they know abosolutely jack sh*t about!

I am so sorry you had an awful day due to this guy.