I am very torn about stopping BFing

Most of you know the ordeal I went through in when Miranda was born just to be able to BF her. Long story short I never got a real milk supply and basically nursed and pumped every 2-3 hours. Well almost 6 months later I still live at the pump it seems, although not as often as before but its still really tedious. The real dilemma is that slowly I have become a FT pumper because Miranda has little to no interest in nursing. Occasionally she will latch but its really just a few times a week.
I'm starting to feel so tied to watching the clock to get home and pump (I am still renting a hospital pump). I am also going to be working twice a week and being a pharmacist pumping isn't the easiest thing to do.
In the end I only make about 20-24oz of milk a day, there is never any leftover. We supplement with formula on the days that we need to.'
I always said I would BF until my child weaned whether it was 1 or 2 or whatever but this is not what I planned my BF experience to be. Its not helping me lose weight, honestly I am really stuck at 10lbs over my pre pregnancy weight and its a struggle to get the scale to budge.
I was going to go out and buy a breast pump and keep going but I don't know if I want to drop $300 on a breast pump. A big part of me wants to be done. I want to feel like we can come and go without restrictions (which we could do when she would nurse).
Part of me is OK with stopping and the other part feels extremely guilty for not giving my daughter what *I* feel is the best source of nutrition.
Any insight, opinions, alternative ideas?
My plan right now is to pump/nurse whenever and when my milk supply dwindles then its done and that won't take all that long if I am not diligent about moving my milk (at least I think thats how it will be).

Re: I am very torn about stopping BFing

I completely respect you for doing that for this long. I had been pumping 100% for the first 8 weeks of my son's life and have been weaning myself and supplementing for him for the last 2 1/2 weeks and I cannot wait to be done! Being tied to that pump, along with doing double the work, is the hardest part of my new motherhood experience. It is a very hard decision...this area caused a lot of anxiety for me- almost as much as the thought of having to return to work in three weeks. You need to do what you feel is best. You have provided your child with a great start but feeding a child formula is fine also. My brother and sister had 100% formula and were just as healthy as my brothers and I .If you are going to have another child maybe investing in a pump would be worth it.

Re: I am very torn about stopping BFing

Jen,

as we all know, BF is best for the health of your child. How healthy is it for mom to be thouroughly exhausted and frustrated and even apprehensive at times?? Not healthy.

You know I was devastated that Alyson wouldn't latch and I didn't seem to have the motiviation to push her and force her into it and we ended up on formula. My dr said ANY BM is better than NONE and you've done QUITE a bit. You've made SO many sacrifices to keep it up.

You are a GREAT mom and formula is perfectly healthy for your child to get nourishment from. Aly has thrived on it and even sleeps 5-7 hours a night since SuperBowl Sunday (whether it's due to formula or not...who knows).

I was a formula baby and I excelled in school, didn't have health issues, etc. Give yourself a break and go to formula. You'll have better mental health and Miranda will pick up on that!!

Re: I am very torn about stopping BFing

I know exactly how you feel. Since Jesse started solids, he has been less and less interested in nursing. He is 10 1/2 months now, and I had planned on nursing for a year (stopping when we switch to whole milk). Well, now he nurses 1-2 times per day at the most, and only for 3-5 minutes per side. I decided that I couldn't force him, and I wasn't going to drive myself crazy with not meeting MY goal of one year. I decided that any BM was better than none. Right now, I nurse/pump only three times per day. We mix with formula when needed. Shortly I will be down to two times per day, just because he is not interested anymore. I will feed him in the AM and then pump at night, and cut out the mid-day.

You've given your child a great start and whatever you decide to do will be fine. Maybe you can try something like I'm doing, just morning and night (or whatever times are easiest for you). At first I was upset about my situation, but now I'm looking forward to not having that extra responsibility. Do what's best for you and the baby. You've both already gotten health benefits from the BF you've already done, and if she wants to wean herself, so be it. IMO, it's not worth it to try to force her to nurse and then force her to wean when she doesn't want to. Whenever you've had enough of pumping, cut back little by little. It will also give you the chance to adjust to your decision.

Re: I am very torn about stopping BFing

I never would have lasted as long as you did if my daughter hadn't latched, you should feel great about yourself. What a supermom!!!

Your baby is going to be fine no matter what you decide. What is going to make you happiest?

I know very little about pumping... Is it possible to pump fewer times a day and supplement a bit more? Or once you decrease pumpings do they all go? I only suggest this as a way to ease your transition since you seem so torn...

Re: I am very torn about stopping BFing

Jen,
You have come so far - worked so hard - please don't make yourself feel guilty.

I had some guilt issues when I stopped - but to be honest - in a few days we were on our new routine with formula - and it felt natural too.

Talia is still happy, healthy, and well adjusted - so the guilt went away. You need to take care of yourself too!

A lot of us (myself included) were formula babies - and lived to tell about it. I have no hard feelings against my mom that she didn't nurse me, nor are we any less bonded.

It is ok to stop if you want to - guilt free!

Re: I am very torn about stopping BFing

I didn't read the other posts..I am not sure what advise others are giving you. All I can tell you is this...I pumped full-time for 1 year. When I made 6 months I was shocked..I couldn't believe I did it that long. I was tired of pumping, yes but in some ways I was so proud of myself that I made it so far..with so many people telling me to stop and use formula. Honestly, after 6 months I felt that it got easier. It became part of my life and I never resented doing it. I work and just pumped when I had to. I didn't care..feeding Molly came before anything else.
As your baby gets older you can pump less. By 9 months old I was only pumping 4x a day so it was pretty easy.
If you want to do this you can. Getting a PIS is worth every penny and may help you because it is so much lighter and easier to move around.
You can get the car adapter plug and use that when you have to go someplace. I used to pump while Scott was driving..so that when we arrived at my parents etc..I was done until we left. Then I pumped on my way home.
Also getting the hands free bra was a life saver! $32 never made me so happy.
I also took it month by month. I never in a million years though I could make a year..I just set small goals.
If you need ANY support I am here. If you want to wean that is totally fine too. I can help you. DO NOT just stop. You need about a month to wean.

Re: I am very torn about stopping BFing

I'm with the others. Don't feel bad about this - you've done a great job & lasted longer than most. Yes, yes we all know that breastfeeding is better for the baby - but what about the stress hormones in the breast milk? What about you being able to feed Miranda & than play with her instead of pumping??

If you want to continue, yes - it's possible. You can drink fennel tea to increase your milk supply, pump every time you get a break at work.

If I were you, I'd call it a day. Start introducing formula more & more, cutting 1 feeding a day - until she's done. In the end, I was nursing 2x a day (am & pm) and not pumping. It took less than a month for me. Maybe michele31 has better ideas but this is how I did it.

Re: I am very torn about stopping BFing

Thank you everyone for the kind words and support. I am going to finish out the month (I have my pump rented until April 9) and just pump less frequently and see how my supply does. I really believe it will diminish rather quickly but maybe I'm wrong. If I could pump less I might survive a little longer.

Michele-I am not your typical BFing mom. I truly have a low milk supply. I did not produce enough mammory glands. I started out pumping 1/8oz a session at 2 weeks old so my 1oz and hour is quite an accomplishment. I never got engorged, leaked, or could feel a let down. So I doubt that pumping 4 times a day will ever be an option.


I am going to put a call into my LC and run things by her and see what she says. If I could get Miranda to latch on again then maybe I could stick it out but I think she has become very comfortable with the flow of the bottle especially now that she is on stage 2 nipples.

I am definitely proud I made it this long because I never thought I would survive 6 weeks let along 6 months I just want to be sure I make the right decision for us one way or the other because if I stop and dry up there's no turning back.

I'll keep everyone posted.

Re: I am very torn about stopping BFing

I have to tell you I felt the same way before I stopped and I was very aprehensive about stopping but you know all the issues we had as well and to tell you the truth Bryan was doing better on formula ( although I hated to admit it) because of his allergies and he finally started to gain weight. BRyan's gastroenteroligist actually pushed me a little to stop only because she could see how I was driving myself nuts over the crazy diet and she said that if I was stressed the baby wouldnt do well so that was it for me. I slowly stopped and tried not to dwell on it. Since Bryan has been on formula he has gained plenty of weight and his temperment has changed alot plus Im eating regular foods again and Im loving it- I will never regret what I did because I breast fed him for 6.5 months which is a lot longer than most and I gave him the best start I could- I would have gone the full year if I hadnt had all these issues but this what happened and Im fine with it- I though I would feel bad after it was over and my milk was gone but I never did, my baby was doing alot more at 6.5 months and I didnt dwell on the nursing relationship that we didnt have anymore I just developed new ways of bonding with my baby and it worked for us.

Re: I am very torn about stopping BFing

i agree....i bf my first for 5 months (stopped unwillingly then bc I got pg and mc, and stopped making milk) and this baby now, I am nursing, but mostly pumping and feeding bm in bottles - i just don't have the time or patience to bf when I have an 18 month old and it takes 40 minutes to do. I really feel the baby can sense if you are tense - bf should be a relaxing enjoyable experience, not a stressed out thing. I nurse in the morning before the other one gets up, maybe dinner time when dh is home to distract her, and once in the evening. Otherwise, she gets bottles. And 6 months is a good long time to bf and you should be proud. If I were you I'd stop, and I bet you will enjoy your baby even more without that constant stress.

Re: I am very torn about stopping BFing

Given the obstacles you have faced, I think it is amazing that you have been able to go this far. You have given her a great advantage, and should be so proud. I think slowing weaning off the pumping is the best option so you will be under less stress and have more free time.

I never produced large amounts of milk from pumping and would have to pump anywhere from 3-6 times a day just to have enough for the 8 hours I was at work. At 12 months I stopped pumping but I still BF in the morning and evening and much to my surprise my body adapted and I still have good supply in the morning and evening but do not have engorgement during the day........my point is that you might be surprised and maybe you can still maintain a morning or evening nursing session.

Re: I am very torn about stopping BFing