I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

All in all my mother has been very unenthused by my pregnancy. She is a very "me oriented" person & I am used to that, but I feel like this is the time I really need her to just be supportive & be a mom & she is so not interested.

She asks how I am feeling & stuff & then immediately goes into complaining about her job or the weather, or the colour of her couch. Like she only asks out of obligation.

Now that I am getting into really preparing for the baby, she is beginning to irritate me. We have the room colour picked out & MIL bought our crib. Well I guess my mother felt like a dork for not offering to buy the crib or bassinette or anything, so she offered to buy the travel system. It was out of stock for a while, so when it was avaliable again my sister (who works in BRU) told her to come down & get it & she would get the discount. She still has not gotten it & it is about to be discontinued for good with the season change. FINE.

Originally mom also said she would plan my shower, but now she is crying poverty & says she is "simply too busy" to run around & look at restaurants & get favors, blah blah & asked if we could have it AT MY HOUSE. W T F. um, no. My house is small & I guarantee I would do all the cleanup, etc. So I start to look at restaurants & work out a budget & schedule. I tell my sister that I am looking later & she tells my mom. She actually had the nerve to get angry with me over it. Then she mentions that she could not possibly pay for it all herself. Fine DH offered to pay as long as I did not have to plan. Well I guess that is also too much to ask.

In the next breath she asks me what baby names we are considering, so I tell her. She says, "oh, were those DH idea?" & rolls her eyes. Um, no actually they were mine, but thanks for being tactful.

DH has had a problem with her selfish attitude since day one, but now it is over the top. He went out today & ordered the travel system (which is again on backorder) and asked our friend to help with the shower. When my mom calls & asks about any thing baby, he says "oh like you care."
It is so stressful & really hurtful & disappointing that just this once she cannot just be supportive & do what she promises instead of saying what she thinks she should & then flaking out.
Thanks for letting me vent.

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

I'm sorry you have to go through crap like this at such a happy time in your life

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

I totally sympathize with you. We have similar issues with my mother and the shower to the point where all DH says now is we should have just thrown it ourselves. She always makes comments about DH and baby stuff and she's sooo competitive with his parents and thinks we treat her like a second class citizen. And the color of the couch comment really had me LMAO because my mom will go on for 45min talking about the exact same thing and all the work her house needs and how there's a dog pooping on her lawn.

I most often try and tune her out and just let her ramble on because I only get in trouble when I make a response. Apparently, I wasn't doing a good enought job, because we haven't spoken since Christmas because I apparently did numerous things to offend her. In my opinion, there is no win-win situation when it comes to parents like this. EVen if you have it out and express your feelings, your right back to where you were before a week later. That's just the way they are. So, unfortunately, I think the best thing we can do is suck it up and not try to have higher expectations and remember these lessons for how you deal with your DC in the future.



ETA If you're really like me, you'll hear later on about you ruined this experience for her

Message edited 1/17/2007 3:50:19 PM.

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

I'm sorry!

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

Vent away...

I feel awful for you. this is the time you most want your mom to be there for you and its gotta be really hard and hurtful to not have it.

Not that i have any advice to make her see shes being selfish and un supportive, but I do think your entitled to feel as you do and I would keep expressing how you to feel to her. Make her responsible for her actions , rather then taking it all on you.

As far as the shower goes. Make it the best it can be and who cares that you are planning it...It will then be so much more what YOU want.

Vent anytime!

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

Posted by kra5hnburn

ETA If you're really like me, you'll hear later on about you ruined this experience for her

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

Thanks everyone. I just know that so many girls do not even have their mother here to experience these things, so I should be grateful. It is just hard to feel so on the back burner.

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this now. It's great that your DH is helping you and able to do all of these things for you!

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

Posted by MsMBV

Thanks everyone. I just know that so many girls do not even have their mother here to experience these things, so I should be grateful. It is just hard to feel so on the back burner.

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

I totally agree with the above. Don't feel guilty. This is a special time and you want everything to be happy and perfect. There's nothing wrong with that.

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

Sorry

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

so sorry you are going through this. My mom has been awful in many ways too, so I know how hurtful it is. I just think about how lucky I am to have DH and how he and our soon to be baby girl are my family now. I know it sucks and is not fair, but I try to look at the good things I have in my life rather than let my mom (or anyone else) bring me down during one of the happiest times of my life.

Hope that helps you feel a little better!

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

I'm sorry! I hope that everything with your shower gets worked out, and that you don't have to do all the work. I can't believe that your mom wouldn't be excited and helpful with the coming of her grandchild!

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

I'm so sorry you have to go through this and have unnecessary stress during you pregnancy! Just keep giving DH big hugs too, he sounds like such a great guy!

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

Posted by Phoebee

I'm so sorry you have to go through this and have unnecessary stress during you pregnancy! Just keep giving DH big hugs too, he sounds like such a great guy!

Message edited 1/18/2007 9:18:24 AM.

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this - but it sounds like your DH has really stepped up and is doing a great job! Yay!!!

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

Sending you Glad you're DH is helping out!

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

i'm so sorry to hear! but i am glad your husband said what he said.

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

Re: I am whiny today & need to vent (very long, sorry)

to your DH for saying something because if she isn't going to do stuff that she says she's going to do then she needs to be reminded how it effects everyone else.