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-BabyMiracle-
When will my ship come in?
Member since 9/07 1056 total posts
Name:
J
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I could use some advice regarding a baby shower....
I just received a dreaded invitation to a baby shower. It is for my cousin, and it's in July. She is not actually my cousin but my mothers cousins daughter. We are not close at all but we see each other and family functions and we talk small talk only...
I was praying I would have real plans for that day but since I don't I am pretty sure I have to lie and back out and not go. I feel bad and kind of selfish but I honestly do not think I could go. I don't think I could handle it. You know why....
The problem is, I could make up a lie that I have something to do with my DH (I was thinking a party or something hosted by one of his friends that was previously decided on that we would go) BUT another issue is I would have to lie to my mother and sisters as well (they do not know about my IF issues yet). I assume that the day I do tell them, they will understand why I had to lie.
I am truly happy for my cousin and I would send a gift for sure. She is older than me by a few years. She deserves to be happy. It's nothing personal, it's all because of me.
What do I do?  What would you do? Part of me thinks that if it were a close friend or sibling I would be there but for a distant cousin....should I sacrifice my happiness? I should mention she has been to my bridal shower as well as both of my sisters...I did not make it to her bridal shower because I was legitimately out of town that day but my sisters went.
Please help!
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Posted 6/3/08 7:29 PM  |
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Jen2999
Baby girls & beagles rock!
Member since 8/06 10356 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: I could use some advice regarding a baby shower....
Maybe just say you have another shower for a coworker or something?
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| Posted 6/3/08 7:32 PM |
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-BabyMiracle-
When will my ship come in?
Member since 9/07 1056 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: I could use some advice regarding a baby shower....
Posted by Jen2999
Maybe just say you have another shower for a coworker or something?
I don't think finding a lie is what my issue is, I am sorry I did not make that clear. I was just wondering if you ladies think I am a horrible selfish person and what would you do if you were me?
Congrats to you BTW!!!
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| Posted 6/3/08 7:34 PM |
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babyquestion
So Thankful!!
Member since 11/07 4004 total posts
Name:
Lots of Sticky Dust, Please!
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Re: I could use some advice regarding a baby shower....
Posted by -BabyQuestions-
Posted by Jen2999
Maybe just say you have another shower for a coworker or something?
I don't think finding a lie is what my issue is, I am sorry I did not make that clear. I was just wondering if you ladies think I am a horrible selfish person and what would you do if you were me?
Congrats to you BTW!!!
You are NOT a selfish person - We all understand exactly how you feel. You do what you feel is best for YOU!!
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| Posted 6/3/08 7:35 PM |
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Jen2999
Baby girls & beagles rock!
Member since 8/06 10356 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: I could use some advice regarding a baby shower....
Posted by -BabyQuestions-
Posted by Jen2999
Maybe just say you have another shower for a coworker or something?
I don't think finding a lie is what my issue is, I am sorry I did not make that clear. I was just wondering if you ladies think I am a horrible selfish person and what would you do if you were me?
Congrats to you BTW!!!
oh no, you are def NOT a horrible crazy person!!!!!!
I had to go to a 1st bday party a few days after my failed IVF and I wanted to die the entire time. Its totally understandable!
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| Posted 6/3/08 7:43 PM |
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rose825
Best Friends
Member since 6/05 10228 total posts
Name:
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Re: I could use some advice regarding a baby shower....
I think we have all BTDT. You are not a horrible person.
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| Posted 6/3/08 8:04 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: I could use some advice regarding a baby shower....
Dotn go.
I missed almost every shower I was invited to for years... Its about self preservation. Send a gift. 
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| Posted 6/3/08 8:26 PM |
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-BabyMiracle-
When will my ship come in?
Member since 9/07 1056 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: I could use some advice regarding a baby shower....
I can't believe I am going to have to lie not only to my cousin but my MOTHER and SISTERS. I never lie to them. I feel horrible. But I have to do what I have to do.
Thank you so much ladies. I needed reassurance and I knew you would understand. 
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| Posted 6/3/08 8:31 PM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: I could use some advice regarding a baby shower....
Posted by rose825
I think we have all BTDT. You are not a horrible person.
ITA. I have not gone to a baby shower in over a year. I don't care who it is (w/ the exception of my SILs)- I wouldn't go. It definitely DOES NOT make you a selfish person. It's what you have to do right now to survive mentally... and you are entitled to do that and NOT FEEL GUILTY!!!! In fact, you owe it to yourself to not go and not feel guilty. 
Depending on where it's at (if it's at someone's house and they won't be paying a per person fee) I would act as though I'm going and then say you're not feeling well the morning of and either have DH drop your gift off or give it to your mom. This way they'll be no questions and no- "why are you picking a friend's event over family?" - KWIM?
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| Posted 6/3/08 8:45 PM |
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LI-Joy
Member since 10/07 2910 total posts
Name:
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Re: I could use some advice regarding a baby shower....
I would definitely make up a lie. Also, do not feel guilty, especially since you aren't close with her.
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| Posted 6/3/08 8:53 PM |
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BA2008
Need to find some hope!
Member since 2/08 2485 total posts
Name:
Beth -Ann
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Re: I could use some advice regarding a baby shower....
You have to do what is right for you. And if going is going to cause you extreme stress then you know the answer already. Just get sick maybe the day before (hint hint-stomach flue or something).
I know the stress. My friend's shower is end of June. It's actually far for me to go to and she's already told me (since we were dealing with our IF issues together) that I dont' have to go and that she totally understands. But, I haven't decided what I want to do. I don't even know any of her friends or family. We used to work together. I think right now I'd be fine going, but once I'm there I wonder how I'll feel. I know I am stubborn person and that I would go just to prove to myself that I can do this without it bothering me. Isn't that stupid. I mean I hate traveling off LI in the summer time.
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| Posted 6/4/08 10:14 AM |
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babyfaith
Onward and Upward!
Member since 2/08 3210 total posts
Name:
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Re: I could use some advice regarding a baby shower....
Posted by dm24angel
Dotn go.
I missed almost every shower I was invited to for years... Its about self preservation. Send a gift.
I feel the same way. I send gifts.
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| Posted 6/4/08 10:48 AM |
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juju
Welcome to the World!
Member since 5/05 6747 total posts
Name:
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Re: I could use some advice regarding a baby shower....
Don't feel obligated or guilty. It's called self-preservation. ON the day of, just say you are sick and send the gift with your Mom.
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| Posted 6/4/08 10:50 AM |
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kmac
Two under two!
Member since 5/07 3703 total posts
Name:
Kris
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Re: I could use some advice regarding a baby shower....
I personally don't really have an issue with these sort of things. I dislike showers in general (bridal, baby, etc.) but when I'm invited I go if I can. I guess b/c I know my time will come I don't let it get me down.
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| Posted 6/4/08 3:44 PM |
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justshir
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/05 692 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: I could use some advice regarding a baby shower....
you're not being selfish! you're going through something really personal. it's great that your cousin gets to have baby through traditional means but unfortunately for us, we have to go through extra steps to achieve having a child. while i was going through the stages of ivf, i've recieved a few baby shower invitations. ugh! sometimes i would go. but for those that i did not make it to.. it was okay. no one was mad. but i did send a gift. so don't worry. you reserve the right to decline.
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| Posted 6/4/08 9:02 PM |
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Donna
1 year already!!
Member since 5/05 3360 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: I could use some advice regarding a baby shower....
Posted by -BabyQuestions-
What do I do? What would you do? Part of me thinks that if it were a close friend or sibling I would be there but for a distant cousin....should I sacrifice my happiness? I should mention she has been to my bridal shower as well as both of my sisters...I did not make it to her bridal shower because I was legitimately out of town that day but my sisters went.
Please help!
Do whatever is going to make you happy. If you want, respond yes and then like another PP said, if on the day you don't feel up to it then skip it and send the gift.
Just to share - the day my nephew was born was after one of my BFNs and being told that IVF was my only option, well I skipped visiting my SIL and nephew their entire time in the hospital, DH understood and covered for me by saying I had a cold.
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| Posted 6/4/08 9:59 PM |
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