I feel like a failure

sorry I haven't posted much - but its tough at work since I sit in a very busy open area.

When I was on maternity leave they offered me a huge promotion. I told them we could talk about it once I got back to work. So I'm back and still so emotional/conflicted with working full time and having DD in daycare.

DD is doing great during the day, but doesn't nap and comes home an overtired mess. She's either asleep for the night as soon as we get home, or screaming bloody murder for hours until she passes out. I get no quality time for her the entire week and I just can't do this anymore.

So I asked my director/sr. manager (both working moms) to let me decline the promotion so I can have more flexibilty. I could totally see the disappointment/annoyance on their faces. I don't even know if I'll get the requested flexibility.

I feel like a failure at work and at home. I just can't make anyone happy and I'm trying to do this all on my own (dh works late hours)!!!

Re: I feel like a failure

It's so hard...I know how you feel.

Re: I feel like a failure

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You shouldn't feel like a failure. You need to do what is best for your family. I hope things get better!

Re: I feel like a failure

Do what you think is best for you and your family. Your not a failure. Your a new mommy trying to strategize your life. I know its hard bc I also have a dh that works alot. Its very hard to accomodate everyone and I think we have to learn this early on. Taking on the parenting role takes alot of twists and turns on your life. Make yourself happy and do what works for you.

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You have to figure out what's best for you and your family. If they're disappointed with that, well than that's too bad.

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Re: I feel like a failure

Re: I feel like a failure

I know how hard it is

Re: I feel like a failure

First, you are not a failure. You are trying to do it all and that is extremely difficult. You say that you can't make anybody happy. The first one you need to make happy is you. If you are stressed, unhappy, overwhelmed, tired and depressed, you can't possibly function as you need to. So, you have to make some decisions. You seem to have already made the first one and it was the right one to make. Your daughter is your first priority now and if the bosses don't understand that, then shame on them. Your life doesn't belong to the company; it belongs to your family. Also, remember, your daughter was only born 3 months ago. Your hormones are still in flux. It seems to me you know what to do. You just need more confidence in yourself. Step back and take an objective look around and you'll see that you are doing a fine job. You know the answers. You just have to believe in yourself.

Re: I feel like a failure

Awww, you are not a failure! As mommies our priorities with work and life in general do change, it's just that simple.
I know how hard it is. It is sometimes impossible to juggle everything we are expected to handle, just focus on your main priorities and know that you're doing the best for yourself and your family.

Re: I feel like a failure

Posted by pmpkn087

Posted by nferrandi

You have to figure out what's best for you and your family. If they're disappointed with that, well than that's too bad.

I was going to say the same exact thing. Your family comes first now

Re: I feel like a failure

It is OK- you cannot do everything...
we aren't all super human here- something has to give and you can't do everything...
we're here for you!

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Re: I feel like a failure

I agree with the above.

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failure? I feel like a failure compared to you..I have no idea how you are dressed and out the door each morning! I agree with the above..and mostly importantly, you are in no way possible a failure

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YOU are NOT a failure! Just by the fact that you turned down a promotion to be home with your baby more often signifies just how MUCH you have your priorities straight.

Its impossible to do everything. Just keep doing what you are doing- the best you can. I think you are amazing- Just going back to work took courage and determination.

Re: I feel like a failure

I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I got a huge promotion right before I told them I was pregnant. They didn't seem annoyed during the pregnancy but now that I am back and literally running out the door early every day to catch the train, I can tell that people think differently of me. But you know what, I know what I've accomplished career-wise (or could have accomplished) and I don't need them to validate me.

When I don't see my son at night, have no quality time, and when I am in a bad mood and frustrated from trying to do EVERYTHING and make EVERYONE happy (besides myself), I sometimes feel like a failure. But I would feel like more of a failure if I favored my career at the expense of my son, so I am going to ask for something more flexible as well (even though I know I won't get it in my position).

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Ohhh I can relate - and I know you know that from my various posts about my job situation. I always swore I'd never be the kind of mommy that would let having children get in the way of my career. What a reality check THAT was! We learn as working moms that almost every day we have to make certain compromises - for me, it was giving up firm life, for a job that offers more flexible hours.

As long as you can come to terms with the compromises you make, and in the end, family priority takes first role, that feeling will fade, and you'll realize you made the best decision for YOUR family.

That woman in our daycare who died really taught me that lesson - our jobs, our things, none of it matters. It feels like it does, but it doesn't go with you when you die. The only thing that lives on is people's memory of you, and most importantly, the memories that live inside your husband and children. Try to remember that

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I completely understand. I work for a very big company and the expectations are so high. I went for a job and luckily knew the hiring manager. I could have had the role but I couldn't handle the extra travel and time. The money and title aren't enough for me. There are women in my organization that don't respect me because of the choice that I made. Ultimately I will have to leave because I could never have the work/life balance that I want there.

Not saying that you are in the same boat .... but I understand. DS is 13 months and I had a hard year at work but I'm finally ok with my decision. I figure that I am young enough now that I can still get that promotion and nice office just not now....

You can't get this time back and if your little one means that much then be there....You are by far NO failure at all. You are actually very well grounded now just get comfortable with that.

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You are not a failure!!! You are holding down 3 jobs right now! Work, Wife, and Mommy! That is not easy work and I give you so much credit! I think you made a smart choice. You obviously know where you would rather spend your extra time and you made that clear! It isn't easy to do that when faced with opportunity sometimes. I think it makes you a stronger employee and an even greater mom!!!

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Jodi, you're not a failure, if anything, you're an amazing woman for doing what's right for your family. It's take a strong person to do what's right, rather than doing what's expected of them by other people. You should feel proud of your decision. You will see that as she gets older, it will become easier. You'll develop a routine and get into the swing of things and feel much more confident. Going back to work as a new mom is ridiculously hard, add a promotion to that mix and it makes it ten times harder. Take it from someone who took on a promotion 3 months after her baby was born. I'm at work before Ava wakes up and most nights don't get home until about an hour before her bedtime. I shovel dinner in her mouth, play for ten minutes, get her ready for bed, and that's it for the night. But, it's what I had to do to get by, so I did it. I'm happy that you chose what was right for you. In the end, all you have is yourself and your family, and those are the only people you have an obligation to.

Re: I feel like a failure

You have to do what is best for you and your emotional state. It seems like you want to spend more time with DD. I hope they are flexible with you.

Re: I feel like a failure

Not a failure at all! You will never regret putting your family first. There will always be jobs, but your baby is little for only so long! I know it sounds so cliche, but I think you did the right thing.

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I agree with everyone else... you are NOT a failure. The first few weeks are the toughest. I can guarantee you that things will get easier.