I feel so bad....(a little long)

I have a 13yo stepdaughter and unfortunatelly she has been told by her mom that if she likes me it hurts her. Her mother is the type (and has done this) where she willl go out for a whole wknd drinking, gambling, whatever then send her daughter unprepared to school because she didnt want to pay for 6.95 book. Which as soon as my dh and I find out buy her.

For her b-day all she wanted was horseback riding lessons, so since her b-day is in dec.and she and her mom are moving to fl with her moms whole family in July we decided to give her the lessons one lesson every other wk, and we discussed it with her mom who agreed to get her the hat and boots. Well, we just found out, that she was borrowing her friends hat, and her mom told her that because we have 2 paychecks that we should pay for it. So, my sd told me that I was cheap and that she is my responsibility and her mom only has one ck when we have 2. So, I had to have the talk. I explained that she was her fathers responsibility and that whatever I decided to buy for her, or spend on her was a gift not an obligation. Needless to say, we decided to give her the helmet for easter, because one of us had to be responsible. I hate discussing $$ with her, but she needs to know that her father didnt have much before I came along, after his bills, child support and extras for her, so just because he married me and I make good $$ doesnt mean that the mother can now dump everything on us. I feel so bad for her. I feel the evil step-mom.

Re: I feel so bad....(a little long)

You should not feel like the evil step mom at all. She is lucky to have you in her life, especially since her mom is so extremely toxic. It's sad that now that thye are moving, you'll be even less of an influence over her. It sounds like she could learn alot from youabout how to be a responsible, proud, well adjusted lady.

Re: I feel so bad....(a little long)

Message edited 4/9/2007 7:29:47 PM.

Re: I feel so bad....(a little long)

You are NOT evil at all. And although you shound't "need" to talk to your SD about finances, her mother backed you into a corner and I think you handled it very well. The fact of the matter is, she's not your child. It's fantastic that you try to do nice things for her, but it is not your responsibility. And honestly, I think your DH needs to let his ex know that #1 it's not fair for her to try to play you out like that and #2 the fact that you make decent money is none of her business or concern and #3 she's not entitled to your hard earned cash.

Message edited 4/8/2007 8:02:36 PM.

Re: I feel so bad....(a little long)

I feel for you my cuz is going through this with his x wife. It's sad that these people who are supposed to be "parents" act this way.