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luvsbob4603
To a healthy 2013
Member since 5/05 21840 total posts
Name: To a brand new year to a healthier me
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I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!
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A WEEK AT THE GYM:
ONE MAN'S STORY...
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary:
For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 25yrs, ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr. Old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it, when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile.
Woo Hoo!!!!!
She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.
Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's Rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members.
Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds she gets this nasally whines that is VERY annoying. My chest hurts when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap too.
THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being thirty minutes late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to workout with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, and, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
FRIDAY:
I hate that ***** Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world! Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleading *****. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps!
And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me the*&%#(#&** barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the choir director?
SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the phone recorder. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife will choose a gift for me that is fun --like a root canal or a vasectomy.
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Posted 7/25/06 4:04 PM |
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Cookiegobbler
My little love bugs!!
Member since 9/05 5759 total posts
Name: Nicole
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Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!
That is hysterical!
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Posted 7/25/06 4:07 PM |
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kathleeng
Member since 5/05 3775 total posts
Name: Kathleen
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Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!
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Posted 7/25/06 4:08 PM |
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lilly
LIF Infant
Member since 1/06 313 total posts
Name: Lilly
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Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!
OMG, too funny!!
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Posted 7/25/06 4:25 PM |
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evnme
My little lamb
Member since 8/05 12633 total posts
Name: aka momma2b
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Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!
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Posted 7/25/06 4:28 PM |
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luvsbob4603
To a healthy 2013
Member since 5/05 21840 total posts
Name: To a brand new year to a healthier me
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Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!
i am glad you guys enjoyed it!
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Posted 7/25/06 6:34 PM |
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traceyd
Big Sister to Be!
Member since 5/05 3644 total posts
Name: Tracey
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Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!
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Posted 7/25/06 7:04 PM |
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MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.
Member since 5/05 26170 total posts
Name: MrsERod™®
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Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!
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Posted 7/25/06 7:08 PM |
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VirginiaDeb
Don't eat me, hippo!
Member since 5/05 9252 total posts
Name: Deb
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Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!
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Posted 7/25/06 7:19 PM |
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janet
WITH LOVE MY ANGEL MISS YOU!!!
Member since 5/05 12823 total posts
Name: janet
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Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!
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Posted 7/25/06 7:24 PM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name: Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!
well now I know what not to get DH for his b'day next week
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Posted 7/25/06 8:00 PM |
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