I guess this is more of a long vent than anything. Thanks for reading.

My DH's former BFF broke into our house with whom he described to be "lesbian crackwhores" and ransacked my house. Trashed it. Went through every single drawer, closet, etc. They did all sorts of disgusting things (drugs, sex, you name it), of which they left evidence everywhere. We did not press charges b/c he is married with small kids. It took us days to clean up the mess and a ton of $ to have things cleaned and replaced. We never even got so much as an apology.

SD's BFF is the DD of this guy. His DD is the "popular" girl. Before all of this happened, I was not a fan of this kid. She is a nasty, mean bully. SD overlooks this b/c she's "popular". I remember those days very clearly so I understand my SD's POV.

Since the whole situation happened, I can not get over it. I just can't. IMO, I shouldn't have to either. I have never been so violated in my entire life. The problem is that SD wants to have the kid over my house all the time. I don't want her here. I know it's not right to "take it out on the kids" but I can't help it (there's a lot more to the story that I'm sparing - the wife didn't know about this incident at the time but she's no gem either). I just want to forget that these people were ever a part of my life.

DH thinks I'm being ridiculous and I need to just s*ck it up for the sake of SD. I think he should "s*ck it up" for my sake and for ONCE tell SD no. I think he needs to promote SD adding to her circle of friends.

Ugh I don't know what to do! I don't want to be a witch and keep SD from her friend but to this day, I cry when I think about it so I would rather not think about it. I don't need a constant reminder of a horrible time in my house.

Okay, I'm done. Thanks for reading.

Re: I guess this is more of a long vent than anything. Thanks for reading.

Sorry that's a whole lot IMO to try and S*CK up. I wouldn't feel very comfortable about my SD being around that girl either nor would I want her in my house. If she has to hang out with her maybe she should do it at BM's house

May sound mean but that's how I would feel

Message edited 10/9/2009 10:09:13 AM.

Re: I guess this is more of a long vent than anything. Thanks for reading.

Pardon my sleep deprived memory, how old is your SD again ?

Re: I guess this is more of a long vent than anything. Thanks for reading.

Is it too late to press charges? I know you don't want to because he is married with small kids, but if this guy is breaking into houses, trashing them, taking drugs, etc. maybe the fact that he is married with small kids is EXACTLY the reason you need to press charges.

Re: I guess this is more of a long vent than anything. Thanks for reading.

I am sorry but I would have pressed charges. Who is to say he won't do it again? And I agree with the PP, because he has small kids - I would have. And I am so sorry that happened to you especially by someone who is supposed to be a friend.

Also, it sounds like SD BFF has her own issues and that is why you don't want her in your home. I know there were friends of ours that if my parents did not approve of, we couldn't have them over, so you are not wrong in that. Your DH should feel the same way you do instead of telling you to s*k it up - that is not fair on his part.

Re: I guess this is more of a long vent than anything. Thanks for reading.

Re: I guess this is more of a long vent than anything. Thanks for reading.

I may step over the line here but IMO you and your DH need to protect your SD. She is 10 years old! Why is she allowed to hang out with these people? I am sorry but at 10 she might not be able to make the right decisions. What is these people get her mixed up in a break in and you get a call from the Police?
i think you should not get over this. This is a big wake up call to who your SD is hanging out with.

Re: I guess this is more of a long vent than anything. Thanks for reading.

The reason I asked the age of your SD is I was wondering if she has the maturity level enough where you can
" in an age appropriate manner" discuss the friends situation and why you do not feel comfortable with her spending time with this girl....

Is the friend a "bad kid" ? Your home may be a safe haven for this child
( though I am not saying that this is in anyway your responsibility to provide her with this)....For obvious reasons I would not allow my DD to go to her home, but her coming to yours could be different I suppose ( unless of-course this child is causing problems herself)....

What a tough situation....I do agree that you should not have to $uck it up however...This is a serious issue, hopefully it rectifies itself and your SD moves on !!!

Re: I guess this is more of a long vent than anything. Thanks for reading.

Wow... i have no advice. Just really sorry this happened to you and that you have to deal with this. It's very complex and i can understand why you feel the way you do. I would feel so violated

Re: I guess this is more of a long vent than anything. Thanks for reading.

WOW, I am sorry but if my DH ever said suc K it up or its not a big deal than his *** would be out on the street. I NEVER thinks its acceptable to get violated the way you did, even if it was my own family member. Sorry that is just unacceptable.

Re: I guess this is more of a long vent than anything. Thanks for reading.

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. I don't think I would have pressed charges either but, I would be done with them. I'm somewhat concerned that yr DH doesn't mind his DD hanging out with his BFF's DD. I wouln't want my kid being around someone's kid whos parents do drugs. Recreational or not. Maybe try bringing that to his attention.

Hugs

Re: I guess this is more of a long vent than anything. Thanks for reading.

This is awful!

I just hope that SD is NOT allowed in this girls house with this man around!!! That could be immensely dangerous!!

Does SD know what happened??

Having small kids or not is no reason to NOT press charges. I get you feel sympathy for the kids... but they also might be in trouble and pressing charges could save them. You don't know the circumstances they must be living in if their father is capable of doing these illegal and horrific things.

This is a lot to suck up and get passed. I'm with you on that. it's an awful awful thing and there should have been repercussions for his actions.

I would NOT want SD paling around with this girl. But it's VERY hard to pick the friends your kids want to have.

Re: I guess this is more of a long vent than anything. Thanks for reading.