I miss my father so much

The pain I am feeling right now is similar to how I felt when I lost him, almost two years ago.

My dad and I were so incredibly close, and he was such a wonderful person. He died at 59 of a sudden heart attack. He was in perfect health. He was an avid runner and a health nut. Nobody could believe it.

he died 3 months after I got engaged, and exactly 11 months before my wedding date. In the Jewish religion, 11 months is the official mourning period. It was bizarre that our wedding day was supposed to be the day that we officially end the mourning period. My dad loved my husband.

Now, I am pregnant, and we just went into contract on a condo. Everything is great - everything I want out o life................. but I miss my dad so much. It hurts.

It just makes me so sad that he isn't hear for all this, it would have made him so happy.

And, this is going to sound so terrible -- I get so jealous of my sister sometimes, because he was at her wedding and the birth of her first child. He died when my nephew was 3 months old. He was so happy to be a grandfather.

DH is out tonight, I am home alone and can't stop thinking about my dad.

I know father's day is triggering it. I just feel so miserable and needed to vent to someone.

Also, tomorrow, my whole family is having dinner with my grandfather - my father's father. It is so miserable. When he says "it should have been me" I agree inside. It should have. He's in his late 80's. I feel like such a terrible person sometimes.

Oh, and I do see a therapist, and I haven't been this miserable for the entire two years. For the most part I am OK - I love my husband, I am excited to be pregnant and to buy our first home together, but tonight it is hitting me like a ton of bricks.

Thanks for listening.

Re: I miss my father so much

I am so sorry you are in so much pain. Everything you have said is SO understandable. Dont ever feel bad for the way you feel, those are your feelings and you miss him dearly.

I hope it starts to get a little easier for you. When your baby arrives, you will definately see a piece of your father in your childs eyes. I strongly believe in those who have passed, hand us our babies..they have held them first. Hopefully that thought will comfort you a little bit.

Vent anytime!

Re: I miss my father so much

Thank you Noreen for your beautiful response!

Re: I miss my father so much

Re: I miss my father so much

Your feelings are normal and understandable, and you should never feel like you need to apologize for them or explain them. I bet that your dad is proud of the life you've built and all that you've accomplished. You have a great life, and it's so ntural to miss him more now. I'm glad that you have so many good people and things to help you along.

Message edited 6/22/2009 8:35:26 AM.