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I posted this on LIW, but figured I'd share it on here too, since its more apropos
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I posted this on LIW, but figured I'd share it on here too, since its more apropos
Let me know if you guys agree with me on any of this - I can't believe how much thought my brain is capable of generating on a Friday afternoon...
These are some things I have learned along the way. Maybe people have kids because they feel their relationships are lacking in some way, or they need a new hobby. Maybe they feel their relationships are strong enough and they are ready to have a baby. But babies grow into kids. Its a novelty being pregnant and having a baby, but the decisions you make affect a person for the rest of their lives....
I just want to share a few thoughts - we can call it "What I have learned so far at 9 mts of pregnancy"
- Thinking about having a child and actually having a child are 2 separate things.
- Nothing tests your relationship more than being pregnant together. But it doesn't happen right away. At 1st comes the shock, and the elation and the joy. If you are lucky. Or, someone will freak out and question what the hell just happened.
- Nothing magnifies deficits in your relationship than being pregnant together. If it is not strong before the blue line, it won't get any stronger after, unless you work hard on it. And at that point, you already have so much work to do, that it can be exhausting. So, the commitment begins way before the baby is born. At the same time, it could be a great time to fix things you never knew were broken.... And you are that much more stronger before the baby is born...
- Be prepared to discuss everything. Family traditions, religion, how often grandma will come and visit. Vaccinations. What the kid will eat. Discuss family dynamics, and who will be allowed to do what. Early on. because no matter how much you and DH gel, you will be shocked at how different your perspectives are when you bring another person into the mix that you are both responsible for. It can cause resentment and that feeling again of "good god, what did I do?" - that feeling won't go away unless you talk it to death and come up with some compromise. Before the baby is born.
- Your sex life will take on many different evolutions. Be prepared to evolve with it, or things will go sour really quick. Thats when you look at couples and wonder how they ever had sex to make that baby. Don't let that happen to you.
- Being pregnant together is no time to ignore or brush issues under the rug, because they fester quickly.... This is the time to talk things out, because no one will be able to do it with a screaming baby interrupting every 2 seconds.
- Think of how screwed up you are, and why. Think about that now, so you can best be prepared to avoid that happening to your kid. And then realize that your kid will probably still hate you and have issues with you no matter what you do.
- Having a baby is the scariest and most thrilling thing (well, so far being pregnant has been.) You will think more than you ever have, and your brain will hurt on a regular basis. But keep thinking.
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Posted 3/2/07 4:06 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Laura1
Fun in the Snow!
Member since 11/06 4512 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: I posted this on LIW, but figured I'd share it on here too, since its more apropos
Well Said.....
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| Posted 3/2/07 4:10 PM |
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alexlynn7
Big brother to be!
Member since 9/06 6314 total posts
Name:
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Re: I posted this on LIW, but figured I'd share it on here too, since its more apropos
great thoughts!! and i appreciate hearing the wisdom of someone who is much further along than i am. i will take all of these to heart.
the one that struck me the most was the "realize how screwed up you are" thought. i have been thinking a LOT about this - about what my individual issues and insecurities are, and about how i will prevent these from transferring to my child, or affecting my relationship with my child. i've also been thinking a lot about the ideals and values that i would like to impart to my child, and how i am going to model these for my child from day 1.
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| Posted 3/2/07 4:11 PM |
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Smileyd17
kids
Member since 5/05 20997 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: I posted this on LIW, but figured I'd share it on here too, since its more apropos
Very well said! 
You have pinpointed a lot of things that we all may have encountered, thanks!
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| Posted 3/2/07 4:12 PM |
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Re: I posted this on LIW, but figured I'd share it on here too, since its more apropos
Posted by alexlynn7
great thoughts!! and i appreciate hearing the wisdom of someone who is much further along than i am. i will take all of these to heart.
the one that struck me the most was the "realize how screwed up you are" thought. i have been thinking a LOT about this - about what my individual issues and insecurities are, and about how i will prevent these from transferring to my child, or affecting my relationship with my child. i've also been thinking a lot about the ideals and values that i would like to impart to my child, and how i am going to model these for my child from day 1.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts... I think its important to be as conscious as you can about that, although I can't help but think that no one ever says, "Boy, I can NOT wait to rally screw this kid up!"
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| Posted 3/2/07 4:13 PM |
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MrsPJ
Joining Team Blue with Baby #2
Member since 5/06 1155 total posts
Name:
Tiffany
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Re: I posted this on LIW, but figured I'd share it on here too, since its more apropos
That was great! I 100% agree with everything you have said...I have similar "memoirs" I am keeping.
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| Posted 3/3/07 3:24 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: I posted this on LIW, but figured I'd share it on here too, since its more apropos
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Let me know if you guys agree with me on any of this - I can't believe how much thought my brain is capable of generating on a Friday afternoon...
These are some things I have learned along the way. Maybe people have kids because they feel their relationships are lacking in some way, or they need a new hobby. Maybe they feel their relationships are strong enough and they are ready to have a baby. But babies grow into kids. Its a novelty being pregnant and having a baby, but the decisions you make affect a person for the rest of their lives....
I just want to share a few thoughts - we can call it "What I have learned so far at 9 mts of pregnancy"
- Thinking about having a child and actually having a child are 2 separate things.
- Nothing tests your relationship more than being pregnant together. But it doesn't happen right away. At 1st comes the shock, and the elation and the joy. If you are lucky. Or, someone will freak out and question what the hell just happened.
- Nothing magnifies deficits in your relationship than being pregnant together. If it is not strong before the blue line, it won't get any stronger after, unless you work hard on it. And at that point, you already have so much work to do, that it can be exhausting. So, the commitment begins way before the baby is born. At the same time, it could be a great time to fix things you never knew were broken.... And you are that much more stronger before the baby is born...
- Be prepared to discuss everything. Family traditions, religion, how often grandma will come and visit. Vaccinations. What the kid will eat. Discuss family dynamics, and who will be allowed to do what. Early on. because no matter how much you and DH gel, you will be shocked at how different your perspectives are when you bring another person into the mix that you are both responsible for. It can cause resentment and that feeling again of "good god, what did I do?" - that feeling won't go away unless you talk it to death and come up with some compromise. Before the baby is born.
- Your sex life will take on many different evolutions. Be prepared to evolve with it, or things will go sour really quick. Thats when you look at couples and wonder how they ever had sex to make that baby. Don't let that happen to you.
- Being pregnant together is no time to ignore or brush issues under the rug, because they fester quickly.... This is the time to talk things out, because no one will be able to do it with a screaming baby interrupting every 2 seconds.
- Think of how screwed up you are, and why. Think about that now, so you can best be prepared to avoid that happening to your kid. And then realize that your kid will probably still hate you and have issues with you no matter what you do.
- Having a baby is the scariest and most thrilling thing (well, so far being pregnant has been.) You will think more than you ever have, and your brain will hurt on a regular basis. But keep thinking.
I hope you don't mind me commenting..I am not PG anymore, I had my son in September...but I wanted to applaud what you wrote..it is all very true!
Everything you discuss really comes into play once you have the baby as well..its important to remember that everyone has issues from their childhood and past-and however hard you work, you'll prob pass some of that on to your child. But all the frustration/tears that do happen at times are so worth it. There is nothing like having a baby, it is the best thing even if the beginning is a little rough. I would be lying if I said you come home and everything is perfect and amazing...it isn't. BUT you get over the hurdles and develop a system that works for you and your family and before you know it it all falls into place.
That's just my two cents!
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| Posted 3/3/07 4:00 PM |
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Re: I posted this on LIW, but figured I'd share it on here too, since its more apropos
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Let me know if you guys agree with me on any of this - I can't believe how much thought my brain is capable of generating on a Friday afternoon...
These are some things I have learned along the way. Maybe people have kids because they feel their relationships are lacking in some way, or they need a new hobby. Maybe they feel their relationships are strong enough and they are ready to have a baby. But babies grow into kids. Its a novelty being pregnant and having a baby, but the decisions you make affect a person for the rest of their lives....
I just want to share a few thoughts - we can call it "What I have learned so far at 9 mts of pregnancy"
- Thinking about having a child and actually having a child are 2 separate things.
- Nothing tests your relationship more than being pregnant together. But it doesn't happen right away. At 1st comes the shock, and the elation and the joy. If you are lucky. Or, someone will freak out and question what the hell just happened.
- Nothing magnifies deficits in your relationship than being pregnant together. If it is not strong before the blue line, it won't get any stronger after, unless you work hard on it. And at that point, you already have so much work to do, that it can be exhausting. So, the commitment begins way before the baby is born. At the same time, it could be a great time to fix things you never knew were broken.... And you are that much more stronger before the baby is born...
- Be prepared to discuss everything. Family traditions, religion, how often grandma will come and visit. Vaccinations. What the kid will eat. Discuss family dynamics, and who will be allowed to do what. Early on. because no matter how much you and DH gel, you will be shocked at how different your perspectives are when you bring another person into the mix that you are both responsible for. It can cause resentment and that feeling again of "good god, what did I do?" - that feeling won't go away unless you talk it to death and come up with some compromise. Before the baby is born.
- Your sex life will take on many different evolutions. Be prepared to evolve with it, or things will go sour really quick. Thats when you look at couples and wonder how they ever had sex to make that baby. Don't let that happen to you.
- Being pregnant together is no time to ignore or brush issues under the rug, because they fester quickly.... This is the time to talk things out, because no one will be able to do it with a screaming baby interrupting every 2 seconds.
- Think of how screwed up you are, and why. Think about that now, so you can best be prepared to avoid that happening to your kid. And then realize that your kid will probably still hate you and have issues with you no matter what you do.
- Having a baby is the scariest and most thrilling thing (well, so far being pregnant has been.) You will think more than you ever have, and your brain will hurt on a regular basis. But keep thinking.
I hope you don't mind me commenting..I am not PG anymore, I had my son in September...but I wanted to applaud what you wrote..it is all very true!
Everything you discuss really comes into play once you have the baby as well..its important to remember that everyone has issues from their childhood and past-and however hard you work, you'll prob pass some of that on to your child. But all the frustration/tears that do happen at times are so worth it. There is nothing like having a baby, it is the best thing even if the beginning is a little rough. I would be lying if I said you come home and everything is perfect and amazing...it isn't. BUT you get over the hurdles and develop a system that works for you and your family and before you know it it all falls into place.
That's just my two cents!
Thank you so much for sharing - I am always looking for advice from new moms!!!
I am anticipating a lot of learning, and I'm anticipating this being extremely difficult, but I hopefully will make the best decisions as a new mom... I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared sh*tless of whats to come....
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| Posted 3/3/07 4:35 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: I posted this on LIW, but figured I'd share it on here too, since its more apropos
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Let me know if you guys agree with me on any of this - I can't believe how much thought my brain is capable of generating on a Friday afternoon...
These are some things I have learned along the way. Maybe people have kids because they feel their relationships are lacking in some way, or they need a new hobby. Maybe they feel their relationships are strong enough and they are ready to have a baby. But babies grow into kids. Its a novelty being pregnant and having a baby, but the decisions you make affect a person for the rest of their lives....
I just want to share a few thoughts - we can call it "What I have learned so far at 9 mts of pregnancy"
- Thinking about having a child and actually having a child are 2 separate things.
- Nothing tests your relationship more than being pregnant together. But it doesn't happen right away. At 1st comes the shock, and the elation and the joy. If you are lucky. Or, someone will freak out and question what the hell just happened.
- Nothing magnifies deficits in your relationship than being pregnant together. If it is not strong before the blue line, it won't get any stronger after, unless you work hard on it. And at that point, you already have so much work to do, that it can be exhausting. So, the commitment begins way before the baby is born. At the same time, it could be a great time to fix things you never knew were broken.... And you are that much more stronger before the baby is born...
- Be prepared to discuss everything. Family traditions, religion, how often grandma will come and visit. Vaccinations. What the kid will eat. Discuss family dynamics, and who will be allowed to do what. Early on. because no matter how much you and DH gel, you will be shocked at how different your perspectives are when you bring another person into the mix that you are both responsible for. It can cause resentment and that feeling again of "good god, what did I do?" - that feeling won't go away unless you talk it to death and come up with some compromise. Before the baby is born.
- Your sex life will take on many different evolutions. Be prepared to evolve with it, or things will go sour really quick. Thats when you look at couples and wonder how they ever had sex to make that baby. Don't let that happen to you.
- Being pregnant together is no time to ignore or brush issues under the rug, because they fester quickly.... This is the time to talk things out, because no one will be able to do it with a screaming baby interrupting every 2 seconds.
- Think of how screwed up you are, and why. Think about that now, so you can best be prepared to avoid that happening to your kid. And then realize that your kid will probably still hate you and have issues with you no matter what you do.
- Having a baby is the scariest and most thrilling thing (well, so far being pregnant has been.) You will think more than you ever have, and your brain will hurt on a regular basis. But keep thinking.
I hope you don't mind me commenting..I am not PG anymore, I had my son in September...but I wanted to applaud what you wrote..it is all very true!
Everything you discuss really comes into play once you have the baby as well..its important to remember that everyone has issues from their childhood and past-and however hard you work, you'll prob pass some of that on to your child. But all the frustration/tears that do happen at times are so worth it. There is nothing like having a baby, it is the best thing even if the beginning is a little rough. I would be lying if I said you come home and everything is perfect and amazing...it isn't. BUT you get over the hurdles and develop a system that works for you and your family and before you know it it all falls into place.
That's just my two cents!
Thank you so much for sharing - I am always looking for advice from new moms!!!
I am anticipating a lot of learning, and I'm anticipating this being extremely difficult, but I hopefully will make the best decisions as a new mom... I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared sh*tless of whats to come....
Don't worry too much of the what ifs. Its funny though...I was one of those people who was around babies my whole life, could not wait for a baby of my own. And the first two weeks home I found myself crying here and there...most women go through it, and it is NOT permanent (just wanted to mention that!). It was a little harder than I thought at first but we fell into our groove, the baby gets bigger...starts smiling...starts sleeping through the night...and then before you know it those first few hard weeks are a blur. I ran off a "high" for a few days after having him, but I was surprised to find myself so weepy at times.
Everyone is nervous, everyone is scared of the unknown. But just remind yourself that women have done this for years...and you have the best prize at the end!! It really is amazing, and beleive me....you will have your baby and not be able to imagine life before him or her!! It is the most rewarding thing in the world and I'm so excited for all you first time moms!!!
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| Posted 3/3/07 6:03 PM |
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Re: I posted this on LIW, but figured I'd share it on here too, since its more apropos
Don't worry too much of the what ifs. Its funny though...I was one of those people who was around babies my whole life, could not wait for a baby of my own. And the first two weeks home I found myself crying here and there...most women go through it, and it is NOT permanent (just wanted to mention that!). It was a little harder than I thought at first but we fell into our groove, the baby gets bigger...starts smiling...starts sleeping through the night...and then before you know it those first few hard weeks are a blur. I ran off a "high" for a few days after having him, but I was surprised to find myself so weepy at times.
thank you... 
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| Posted 3/3/07 6:37 PM |
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