I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

I'm the baby of the family, and I can tell that when I even mention how we'd like to try to have a baby in the next 2 years or so, my mother looks at me like she doesn't think I'm ready.....which is probably true for right now. Anyway, last night I had a dream that I was watching my baby cousin (who is 4) but I was trying to treat her like a newborn, just to see if she would listen to me or if I could do it?! Weird, I know. I guess I am insecure. I never babysat, never had much interest until now. I guess I'm a little scared and feel like the family baby at times.

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

I know exactly what you mean-- I am the baby as well.. and was really never around kids until recently (past 2 years)-- when my friends started having kids and my niece was born-- as well as a couple other family babies.

I actually told my mom this week that DH and I will start trying in 6 months. She was not excited- she was more liked shocked-- she just came up with things to make sure we are ready-- I am like mom, if we try in 6 months-- I am going to have this baby at 33, and be married for 3 years-- I am no spring chicken! And then she is like-- well, can you afford it-- kids are very expensive-- also by the time we had a kid-- I would expect our combined income to be a lot-- it's not shabby now. We would just have to adjust our spending is all-- and we have a lot of money in savings.

I too am afraid that I would not be able to care for a baby-- I never changed a diaper-- but, it's not rocket science. I think a lot of the stuff is innate-- and when the time comes-- you will know what to do. Plus- when you are prego you read a lot of books, takes classes, etc.-- which unless you were prego, why would you do that?

I am sure you'll be a great mom--I think aside from sleep deprivation-- the newborn is the easy part... I am dreading when my kids turn 13!

edited for typos

Message edited 12/29/2006 10:02:49 AM.

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

Thanks, Randi. Yeah...I have a lot of the same issues as you. I just turned 29.

And our mothers sound the same!

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

I will also say that my mother is a JUNKIE when it comes to my niece. She is obssessed with her-- it's crazy. You would think she would be psyched about another one-- especially from her daughter.

Also-- if my brother can have a kid-- I certianly can!

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

DH starts his MBA at Fordham next week; it'll be a busy 3 years. We said we would wait till he was done, but now I don't think I want to....

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

you do what feels right for you-- I thought I would be married for 5 years before having kids. Now, I can't stop thinking about it-- I really can't. It's weird-- it is totally like something just happens- te switch is flipped.

Is DH going to school FT?

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

well- wait til you are prego-- but, if you live close to family-- perhaps those two days are the days where you have some help from them.

It'll be tough-- but most of our parents were finishing up some form of school when they had us-- it's not impossible.

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

Aww Lana,
I wouldn't worry. I am the oldest so I can't relate. But I will say this, you have always been so hard working and responsible. When it is time for you to care for a baby, all of that will kick in. It will be more natural to you than you realize! You have achieved so much already, there is no doubt in my mind that you will be a great mom one day!
Christy

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

Posted by christy

Aww Lana,
I wouldn't worry. I am the oldest so I can't relate. But I will say this, you have always been so hard working and responsible. When it is time for you to care for a baby, all of that will kick in. It will be more natural to you than you realize! You have achieved so much already, there is no doubt in my mind that you will be a great mom one day!
Christy

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

Hey, Lana.

I think it's totally natural to feel the way you are feeling. A baby is a huge change for anyone and I think that most people are anxious about being able to care for one. I believe that being a Mom is a natural instinct though, and it usually takes a very short time to become comfortable in the role. I'm happy to hear that you and DH are thinking of a baby someday and I'm sure you will be a great Mama

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

Lana,

I think those feelings are natural. I am the baby of the family as well, but most of the time I'm the most grown-up. I used to think we'd wait to be married 2-3 years, but the switch has already flipped for me and we're going to TTC in the spring, married one year. My mom knows we're seriously thinking about it and she shows zero excitement, but that's her. For my wedding I did alot on my own and I feel like having a baby will be the same way - but I agree with others here that somehow it works out - you just know what to do and it comes naturally. You'll be a great mom when the time comes - I think its a very personal thing - so maybe your mom doesn't show she thinks you're ready but what matters is when you are ready. Good luck!

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

Lana, I am the baby too - raised in a house full of adults. I have teenaged nieces and nephews and it was truly a joy to have been able to tke care of them when they were babies. NOW they will be taking care of mine when the time comes. It is a very different thing when the child is yours. The responsibilities are endless, but you are a smart woman and you will rise to the occasion. Instincts kick in as soon as the lil one enters the world!

And just in case you forget:

The diaper goes over the butt - NOT the face!

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

thanks, guys!!!

i think i'm going to watch my little baby cousins more and hope for the best! ha ha!

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

Message edited 4/21/2007 10:53:28 PM.

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

Not really, but i do feel scared/scared about being alone sometimes. My ILs are deceased and my parents are going to be retiring within the next 2 years and moving to their house in Vegas full time. I feel like I will have no one to turn to and help out when I need it, not to mention having my parents so far away. We are very close and I know its going to suck.

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

I'm the baby too. I've never changed a diaper or even stayed in the same place with a child overnight. Tomorrow we are going to see DH's best friend and I am determined to change the diaper of their baby!! I'm scared to death that we don't know anything.

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

Thanks for posting!!!!!!

I have exactly same fears. I am also the baby of the family AND a selfish one!
Though my parents are the opposite of yours, pressuring me to have a baby since BEFORE we were even married, though I am getting my MBA and work full time- I am just so scared that I can't do it. Will I be able to put the baby first? will I be loving and caring?

It makes me feel better that others are scared too.. I am banking on those "mother's insticts" that everyone talks about!

We are going to try in 3 months, this is my last MBA semseter, and I really hope that I will shape into a mom. As my friend says "9 months have a way of getting you ready for a baby".

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

Please don't worry. Plenty of people don't have any babysitting experience and have babies.

You learn as you go, you ask questions. You will actually have more unsolicited advice that you can handle. A baby is really not that "fragile".

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

whew!

Re: I think I have insecurites about being able to care for a baby

I'm having my second baby and I have the same insecurities now as I did with the first: can I do this? How will we handle this financially? Will I be a good mother? What if I forget to bathe him/her? It's all part of the territory to have a few fears. And I agree with those earlier who say a lot of it is innate and just comes to you. I babysat a lot as a teen, but of course there are things that ONLY a mother can know/understand/do and I found very quickly that I could determine which cries were for hunger, pain/discomfort, sleepiness, etc....It all kind of happens and you just know. The times you don't, you call your mom or pediatritian and theyhelp you through it.