I think my nephew needs help

I just got back from visiting my family in Florida. I have a nephew who will be 4 years old next month. My mom and I have thought that he had a developmental delay of some type since he was about 2. We have mentioned it repeatedly to my brother but he says his son is fine.

Basically, he is almost 4 years old and he doesn't talk. We tried counting to 10 with him and he would repeat some of the words. For instance, I would say 1, he would say 2, I would say 3 and he would say 9. He thinks it is a game. However, he generally just doesn't communicate! He doesn't point when he wants something, he doesn't vocalize his needs, he barely even cries. If he wants milk, he walks to the fridge, grabs the milk and brings it to someone to pour for him.

He also doesn't imitate sounds when he is playing (vroom vroom, beep beep etc.) He does make eye contact with you when you talk to him but he is clearly not communicating back.

Can anyone recommend something we as a family can do to help? Is there anything I can say to my brother to get him to realize that his son needs help? He isn't potty trained and my brother can't put him in pre-school unless he is. I think if he were around trained adults, they would probably be able to recognize his issues and maybe help him.

Please, help if you can.

Re: I think my nephew needs help

I am not a professional but you just have to keep pushing. I know we went through it with my sister. She insisted it was his hearing. When his hearing test came back normal - months went by before she did anything else. My mother and I basically pushed her every time we saw her. We reminded her of what her older daughter did at that age, we pointed out other children in his age range, I sent her internet articles.

Honestly, we almost destroyed our relationship with her. Then, one day - a lightbulb went off and she agreed to have him evaluated. My nephew is now nine years old and has been diagnosed with autism, he still doesn't talk but has benefited so much from therapy.

Best of luck to you and your family Feel free to FM if you need to talk!

Re: I think my nephew needs help

You do appear concerned and well intentioned. BUT You CANNOT force people to do anything.

1/ they could be in denial
2/ they may have already seen a specialist and don't want to discuss it
3/ your nephew may not have any issues

It is not uncommon for some kids to not talk until they are 3 sometimes 4. Especially boys!!!!

Potty trained. 3 is usually the average. That means some kids will be trained early, some late. Again, not unusual.

Essentially they will have to face the "potential issues" at hand comes kindergarden. If he has issues past being just "a late bloomer", it will be a shame that they did not look into it and lost a lot of time when the child could have been helped. The younger, the better.

Re: I think my nephew needs help

I appreciate both of your responses.

Sophie, I do think they are in denial. They have not had him evaluated, I know this for a fact. He DOES have issues, there is no doubt about it.

It isn't a matter of just not talking. He doesn't communicate, period. His mannerisms and behaviors are NOT normal for his age. I know I can't FORCE them, that is very obvious. But are there any tools we can buy for my nephew? Toys? Videos? Something special that he can do?

Re: I think my nephew needs help

I went through this with one of my best friends. Her youngest son was delayed with everything. Didn't walk until 18 months old. Only a few words spoken at 3 years old. I kept telling her to get him tested, as did my Mom. I finally wrote her a letter explaining to her that I could no longer watch the little guy suffer so much with daily things and that I was willing to sacrifice our friendship unless she did something. She did. Her son was evaluated and he was put into OT and speech therapy shortly after his 3rd bday. Now he is 5 years old and getting ready to start kindergarten in September. My friend said it was the best "threat" she ever got.

Re: I think my nephew needs help

The only thing you can really do is talk to your brother about getting his son speech therapy. You can start by sending him a milestone chart for a 4 year old. I tried to copy one off another site.

There are also schools that will take a child who is not potty trained. Maybe you could call a few in the area.


Here is a milestone chart. HTH.

Play & Cognitive Skills
•Uses language in imaginative play

•Engages in detailed conversations

•Plays with other children, makes up games

•Remembers recent events and recalls important past events

•Improves with the game of memory

•Attends to an activity for at least 4 minutes

Language & Speech
•Child may stutter*

•Understands concepts hard/soft, rough/smooth, front/back

•Answers question forms, "What do you do when you're hungry? Sleepy?"

•Asks many who, what, where, why questions

•Uses four- to five-word sentences most of the time

•Imitates whispering

•Relates two events in correct sequential order

•Completes simple verbal opposites

•Uses verb forms is, am, are

•Uses possessives ("mommy's car")

•Begins using "because" as an explanation



Fine & Gross Motor Skills

•Cuts along a straight line

•Draws a cross and a square

•Traces simple lines and designs

•Begins to cut out circles

•Removes clothes completely

•Puts on own socks and shoes

•Washes and dries hands with little help

•Rides a tricycle 10 feet

•Stands on one foot for 5 seconds

•Jumps forward 30 inches

•Hops five times

•Holds a crayon with a tripod grasp (first two fingers and thumb

Other Skills
•Talks about time concepts such as “That happened yesterday”

•Can identify environmental noises (i.e “I hear a helicopter!”

Re: I think my nephew needs help

But are there any tools we can buy for my nephew? Toys? Videos? Something special that he can do?



You can try the signing time DVDs, flash cards, toys that don't make noise, etc... Honestly though, there are no magic toys, or videos. Kids that have delays need therapy, they don't just pick things up the way typical kids do... Eventually they are able to, but they need that push you know.

Re: I think my nephew needs help

I'm a crasher (b/f's son has autism)...
Could he just be lazy? My b/f son is lazy - in addition to the autism. If he points at what he wants and gets it, there is no reason for him to ask for it.

Does he go to daycare?

When DS was about 15 mos I thought he was a little delayed in speech. I bought him some first words flash cards. It seemed to help - but that was his only "delay" and 1/2 the docs and EI didn't think he was delayed. They said to wait to 18 mos. At 18 mos he was fine.

Hope your nephew gets the help he needs. The sooner the better.

I told b/f that since his son can't talk, he has to be his voice. As in demanding he gets the services he needs.

Re: I think my nephew needs help

Thanks again ladies, for taking me seriously. My nephew doesn't point to what he wants. He does grunt and sometimes he will say things like "What's up?" which will be intermixed with a LOT of garbled made up noises.

Another thing that worries us is that he has a peculiar physical habit that seemed "off". Basically, when he is excited, he will hold his hands under his chin and strum his fingertips against each other. It is hard to explain but he will stand in one spot and do this motion for 20 minutes at a time without moving, usually while watching the tv.

In the end, I know that when he goes to start kindergarten (or pre-k) that the teachers will discover his delays but it seems so sad that it is going to take that long.

Re: I think my nephew needs help

Posted by Superkat



In the end, I know that when he goes to start kindergarten (or pre-k) that the teachers will discover his delays but it seems so sad that it is going to take that long.

Re: I think my nephew needs help

I have an update for everyone. My original post was a year ago and since then my brother and family have moved to Texas. I now see my nephew much more often.

He is 5 years old now and shows even more delays. He is not fully potty trained but partially. He "flaps" his hands when excited or nervous, he lines up items in straight lines and get frustrated if you move them, etc.

We have continued to talk about it but my SIL thinks we are just mean. He started school a few weeks ago and the school told them that my nephew needs to be tested. My SIL thought the school was mean too.

Finally, through the preliminary testing, he has been diagnosed as autistic. He is going to go through even more additional testing and he is going to go to a different school. My brother does not have any medical insurance so we are going to see if Scottish Rite can help.

Re: I think my nephew needs help

Message edited 9/13/2011 8:00:11 AM.

Re: I think my nephew needs help