I will not be a mom, edited

Retrieval was today

after everything the doc tells me since they retrieved 20, he will not transfer, he will freeze all


I am done. i dont want a frozen transfer. i am having them discard the eggs. I will live without children. I cant take the pain of this anymore


Thank you for all your replies

Thosse that were wondering, the reason I am against frozen tranfer is because I had 2. This happened to me last retireval and I froze them, and both FETs I had ended in miscarriage. After immunologic testing, anatomical testing, thrombophilia testing, chromosomal testing, exhausted to the point where my RE swore there were no more tests to run, I got NO answers. So according to my RE I am simply supposed to assume that 2 chromosomally normal living things spontaneously died inside my body because, and I quote, of "bad luck."

So even though RE is convinced there was just a black cloud hanging over me, he did not suggest I go ahead with the 6 embies I have left frozen, he felt a better plan of action was to do a whole new cycle. So I said that I felt very strongly about him changing my protocol so that I could transfer fresh, and he did change my protocol. But those who read the previous 2 a.m. post will remember that my DH dropped my Lupron, so the nurse had me trigger with hCG... so because of that, now he fears I might hyperstim and wont transfer fresh.

So if I wanted a FET, I could have had one with the 6 that remained from last cycle. Since I have no answers as to why my FETs did not work, I just felt strongly about having this cycle be completely different. FETs dont work, lets try fresh. LAst time were 5 day blasts,lets transfer in 3 days. If there are no answers I have to make assumptions. I feel like having another FET (mind you in another 2 months when I have already wasted over a year of my life) Im just going to put them in and wait for them to die (sorry that sounds awful but its true.) And its probably not helping that today was my first due date (dec. 5th) and at least I thought Id be on my way again and now Im not.

Sorry for the long post, but as scrambled up as it sounds is how I am feeling. One minute Im teleling my DH that I want to pack up and move somewhere else and run away from everything. The next minute I want to run away by myself because after all, he is the one that dropped my Lupron and made all this happen. I dont want to blame him but part of me does. I did everything I was supposed to do, I went through it all and did it right, and all he had to do was be responsible enough to give me the injections. I should have just learned to do them myself.

Sorry again, Im all over the place....

Message edited 12/5/2007 8:16:38 AM.

Re: I will not be a mom

I'm so sorry things didn't work out. Why wouldn't they do the transfer - did you overstimulate?
I'm sure you are upset right now but maybe you shouldn't be making any rash decisions. What if you took a few days and then decided whether to discard them? I'd hate for you to regret your decision.

Best of luck to you and many

Re: I will not be a mom

OMG i am so sorry.. what happen? Can I ask why you won't do the frozen transfer?

I hope everything works out.. I am sure you will be a mom.. I know this is upsetting.

Re: I will not be a mom

I am so sorry, but please don't make any quick decisions, take a few days and think about it.

Good Luck to you, with whatever you decide to do.

Re: I will not be a mom

OMG Don't say that. You have done all of this to become a mother, don't back down now. Give yourself some time to absorb everything and then make your decision. Why won't he let you transfer some this time? Did he consider you overstimulated? Good Luck with all you decide to do.

Re: I will not be a mom

Take it from me...a frozen transfer is not the worst thing in the world.
Don't give up unless you really can't take it anymore. You have those embies, you may as well use them.

Look at me...I was totally not going to do it anymore and I ended up PG on a frozen transfer.

But, I do understand how you feel...just don't make a rash decision.

Re: I will not be a mom

I'm sorry you're going thru this. I found out a couple of weeks ago that my cousin's youngest child (all of them are here b/c of IVF- she has twin boys and another boy) was created using sperm that was 5 years old, and that he's chronologically the same age as his older brothers, even though he's 3 years younger. My cousin said that the day that her husband had to provide a sample that the dr said there was "nothing there" and she refused to leave the hospital until the procedure was done. So they used his frozen sperm and it worked.
I can't imagine how you're feeling. I'm doing IUI for the first time this month and am getting frustrated because things aren't happening fast enough. Please take time and think things over before you make your decision. We're all on this board because we so desperately want to be moms- I hope whatever your decision, you're 100% content in the decision that you make. We're all here for you.

Re: I will not be a mom

I am so sorry

I also agree with not making any rash decisions

LOTS of people get pg with FETs. Many people react better without all the drugs in their body...especially people that tend ot overstim...

20 eggs is amazing....

Re: I will not be a mom

Jeanna, please don't give up without taking some time to really think about it. There are women who got pregnant after a few YEARS of trying, please don't abandon all hope. I'm so sorry for your pain....

Re: I will not be a mom

I wish you would reconsider your choice. Give yourselfe time to think about it!

Re: I will not be a mom

Posted by Goldi0218

I wish you would reconsider your choice. Give yourselfe time to think about it!

Re: I will not be a mom

I am so sorry that you are hurting right now. Like the others have said, don't make any harsh decisions. Wait until you have a clear head and then decide what you want to do. I wish you lots of luck in your decision. Don't give up hope!

Re: I will not be a mom

Jeanna I'm so sorry but please don't make any rash decisions without thinking about it. There are plenty of babies out there that are products of FETs.

Re: I will not be a mom

I am so sorry! I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better. I hope you reconsider.

Re: I will not be a mom

Oh Jeanna, I'm so sorry. Right now you are coming from a very hurt place. Do you think that maybe you would reconsider and freeze the embies so that you can make a calm, relaxed decision, maybe even in a few days?

I just don't want to see you give up your dreams of having a baby. I know how hurt you are...I've been there, too. I've wanted to throw in the towel a hundred times. I just hope you will reconsider all of this.

There are so many women that get pregnant on FETs. I just hope that you'll save all those eggs before you make a decision.

We're all here for you.

Re: I will not be a mom, edited

Re: I will not be a mom, edited

I am sorry you are feeling this way...

May I ask why you dont do a transfer right away and you wait for a frozen cycle?? is it becasue of OHSS??? If that is the case did you consider changing clinics?? if this happened to you before I would def go somewhere else....20 eggs is not a crazy egg number and I know many women with more that don't get OHSS with the right meds...just something to consider....

Also, if you decide to do a frozen cycle it is better on your body than a fresh one. My RE told me that there are some women that don't get pregnant with a fresh cycle (becasue of of the meds) but get pregnant with a frozen.....please don't give up, you have so many options....

Whatever you decide I wish you luck!!!!!

Re: I will not be a mom, edited

Now that you have explained your story, I can certainly understand how you feel the way you do. Experiencing loss hurts and even with everything science has to offer through testing and treatments, there are never any guarantees. When I had loss, I had moments when I didn't want to try again either. But my doctor and my husband helped me through those thoughts and kept me going.

Ultimately, you and your DH have to make this very difficult decision. I hope you can find some peace. I wish you the best.

Re: I will not be a mom, edited

Jenna,

First I know the frustration and sadness you feel. Not to keep harping on it but can you FM me or post the tests and results you have had. If you are with a traditional RE I can GUARANTEE you did not get all teh tests that are available to you. I may be able to help you.

Re: I will not be a mom, edited

but you are not overstimming right, he is just concerned you might? If so, it sounds like he is very conservative. can you explain your situation and agrree to sign something that you have evaluated the risk/benefit fo a fresh transfer now and are willing to take the risk. Maybe then he will allow you to proceed with transfer.

Re: I will not be a mom, edited

Re: I will not be a mom, edited

why wont your RE transfer any of the 20 eggs they retrieved??? Did they give you answers on that?

Why wont you also do a FET???
Not all FET end in a m/c, in fact my fresh cycle ended in one.
My boys are a product of a FET.

Maybe it is time to move on to another RE. Dont give up, I know trust me it is so frustrating, but it will work out

Re: I will not be a mom, edited

Jeanna, I am so sorry to hear this. I wish there was something i could do or say, but i know theres not. if you ever need to talk, im here.

also, remember, if you want i can give you the name of my friends dr...or my aunts...my thoughts and prayers are with you!

Re: I will not be a mom, edited

Re: I will not be a mom, edited

You poor thing.....I dont want to trivialize your feelings by saying reconsider....but I will say a few things and I hope they are not overstepping and I hope you know I think your a strong person regardless of your ultimate decision.

I had two losses too...devestating losses and I was blessed to have my son....Like Gerty said above, sometimes it DOES happen when you least expect it, but of course, sometimes it does not and if you feel you have reached the max of your pain potential maybe the right decision is to stop.

BUT...if you feel the what if's too strongly..I would suggest a few counseling sessions, just a few, get your mind back into this, get it ALL out to someone who will just listen and see if you are really done, so you knwo the decision wasnt a rash one.

Also...Your Dr. thinks you " might" hyperstim? MIGHT? Thats a big might. Did you fight to transfer?

Are you financially able to do another fresh cycle at another clinic and make your feelings known upfront?

I DID hyperstim ( midly though) and it was just properly watched...And I showed signs before transfer and they went ahead, so I feel surprised by your dr's thoughts unless your levels showed something indicating it was a very clear possibility.

Bottom line, without sugarcoating? You have a good chance to do FET's which are less tressful on the mind and body and carry to term. As horrible as it sounds...2 losses in the IF game are unfortunatly not the worst case scenario for many. BUT ...of course your feelings and handling that awful experience are the ultimate decider....

Think it through....

Talk it out ...

Then make your decision.

My prayers are with you.