If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

Do your kids not see DH during the week?

DH usually gets home around 9. He leaves before 7am. Lucky for him, both of my kids are on very late schedules and go to bed around 10 so he gets to participate in some of the bedtime routine and see them. But, starting next year, DS will have school in the mornings instead of the afternoons so, he will need to be sleeping by 8:30-9. I know this is a few months off now but, I was just discussing it with DH and he is very upset that he probably won't see the kids during the week all that much. But, really, I can't put him to bed so late that he is getting less than 11 hrs sleep!

What do you do if you are in this situation. I feel terrible for my DH and the kids!

Message edited 6/12/2011 12:50:43 PM.

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

My DH comes home way later then that usually around 11...unforunately for us my DS waits up for him right now but lately we have been putting him aon a schedule so he only sees him in the morning before he goes to work and sometimes on the weekends

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

DH is a correction officer and works "on the wheel" so there are some weeks DD sees him for only a few minutes. She has a major attachment to me now (she's 2 1/2) and he feels sort of left out sometimes. I feel bad. But I keep to her schedule, I just can't keep her up later to see him .. I don't think its fair to her. All I try to do when he has his days off is have her spend lots of time with him, sort of push her on him so they get their time together. he'll take her out, or I'll "disappear" so she can't be all mommy all the time.
Its tough no matter what. You'll work it out. Good luck!

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

he spends the morning/early afternoon with them ......from like 8 to 1 pm

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

Yes, he is usually home after they are asleep. He sees them for about 15 minutes in the morning before going to the train. He makes up for it on the weekends that he isn't working. No way I'd adjust their sleep schedule.

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

DS is only 6 months, but DH works until 8-9pm every night. He spends a little time with him every morning before work and then we have the weekends. It definitely isn't ideal... DH absolutely hates not seeing him at night but unfortunately, it's the nature of his job.

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

My DH has crazy hours that change every week. This week due to some circumstances he left Wed. night & hasn't been home since. Usually he'll see them in the morning for 15 minutes b/4 I leave w/ them or on certain nights he'll see them for 2 hours. It's hard though.

We just try to make up for it when he is home & do something as a family. He also is home Mon-Wed-Fri afternoons so he sees them.

Message edited 6/12/2011 12:45:46 PM.

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

usually he spends time in the morning or weekends. There's only so much you can do, and being home with 3 kids who get cranky at night, I am not going to keep them up so he can kiss them goodnight.

Usually when he gets home late he goes in and kisses them all good night and sometimes they wake up for a second give him a hug or kiss and go right back to sleep.

He works on an alternating schedule so sometimes he's there at night and sometimes not so we can't mess up the routine for the time he's not.

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

Dh works till 5 then comes home for a half hour then goes to school till 9pm so dd gets to see him for a half hour mon-thurs.

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

No only some days. Depending on if DH is going to the office or court - if he goes to court he leaves earlier - so sometimes he is gone before they get up. If he is still home it is usually only for about 30 mins in the morning and the girls are trying to eat and get dressed so it isn't really "visiting" time if you kwim.

DH usually gets home between 930 and 10 recently and is extending his hours even more now. So the girls are in bed by the time he gets home. Occasionally when he DOES get home around 8 which is now rare I disappear downstairs and let him read to them and put them in bed (they are showered, teeth brushed and in PJs already so he has to do is lay them down and read and say good night.

Weekends he doesn't see them as much either - he brings home a few hours of work - so we try to do some family things, then we have errands and things to do around the house - so it is tough.

Etd to add - you just kind of adjust and you spend time when you can - weekends, vacations as a family (we took 3 vacations a year and my parents always took me when they traveled this was our family time). When I was young my father worked for a huge NYC firm and he would get a car service home at 3 am or sometimes later only to basically shower and go right back to the office - he also was working at least 6 days a week - and would bring work home. You do what you have to do.

Message edited 6/12/2011 9:17:53 AM.

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

This is our issue. If Liam is awake, he reads him a bedtime story so they get special snuggle time. In the AM Daddy is on. He gets up first with Liam and they have a little morning breakfast routine. It's cute.

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

when DS was little he did work long hours. I would get home around 630 w/ DS, let him take a nap so that he could stay up later. he would sleep around 10 30PM, but since he was with inlaws it was ok bc they made sure he slept a lot during the day. the people upstairs had the same situation, child same age as mine, and her DH would walk in at the same time as my DH and there kid was also up till 1030 and took looooooooooooooong naps during the day.

your DC will be starting school so you can keep DC up later now but a couple weeks before school starts change up his schedule.

I felt I HAD to keep DS up bc my DH would be visibly upset if he was already sleeping when he got home.

Message edited 6/12/2011 10:09:12 AM.

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

Dh sees ds for about a half hour a night, and same in the morning. They spend all weeked together. I NEVER change ds sllep sched for dh. The only times he changes is for holidays and birthdays when we will be out later.

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

Four nights a week he comes home after they are asleep but he does drop-off at daycare in the morning so they see him then.

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

My dh has crazy hours, sometimes he only sees them for about 1/2 hr in am, other times at night for a few hours, sometimes he only see them during the day.

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

DH works really late some days, and I know its mean of me, but I make him get up with DS and have his coffee while DS has his milk. Force them to at least stare at each other for a few minutes

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

DH is out of the house until after 9 or so each night. We are all up in the morning getting ready for school, work, etc. so DH sees them each morning. My 5 year old is asleep when he gets home, my 7 year old may still be up, but getting ready for bed.

The only good thing, which isn't really a good thing because he works weekends, is that DH is home during the week, usually all day Tuesday and until noon on Wednesday. So he gets to see them, just on a different time schedule than normal. I do have to say that DH working weekends, even if it is just 11-4, sucks royally!

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

Yes, DH leaves while we are all sleeping and comes home after they are in bed. He is all about the kids on the weekends.

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

DH has a crazy schedule mixed with 24 hour shifts. One day DS asked me if his daddy still lived with us I told DH and it broke his heart. I haven't changed my kids' schedules at all because it works well for them (minus seeing DH). Instead, any free time DH gets, I make him spend it with the kids. DH also tries to call around bed time to read them their stories. He's memorized the books by heart and "reads" it to them while they flip through the pages.

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

That used to be me for almost 3 years! I would work so much and my mom was terminally ill at one time so there was one time I didn't see him for almost 2 weeks straight. The time we spent together back then was very intense. I didn't want anyone around when we were together except DH and even then I wouldn't let go of DS. Now life is much better...delayed gratification payed off! Our relationship is very strong. But it is also very strong with DH and my MIL also who did most of the work.

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

My hubby's schedule changes every week...some weeks, the kids only see him on Sat. AM before DH goes to work, then if its not too late Sat night, i'll let DS 1 stay up around 9 to see him...DS 2 is only 3 months and knocks out at 7-8pm...

Sundays DH is off, so they spend almost the whole day together going to swim class, then hanging out with his dad outside to do the lawn, while DS will play out there with him and watch him!

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

Re: If your DH works long hours and comes home 8pm or later...

Dh doesn't get home until 9 sometimes 10, so dd doesn't really see him.at night unless she is awake. She sees him for about a 1/2 in the morning. It's really hard, especially on dh because he feels like he is missing out constantly.