I'm at such a loss (long, sorry)

DH's father is dying. I've posted here before abouthis brain tumor, but we recently got even more bad news. His surgeon expects that he has about 3 months to live.

I watch my husband come home from work every day at 4:00 and for two hours he's fine. After that, I can see him just sinking into sadness. Nothing I do seems to bring him out of it. Every day I watch DH go from ok to...just so sad. He wants to go away for a couple of days in January for "us" time, but I'm afraid it will be the same thing wherever we go.

I truly do not mean to sound selfish in any way...but, we've only been married for 2 months, I feel as if we've been robbed of that "newleywed bliss". I don't resent him or his father for that, I just feel that our marriage is suffering because of it. I understand that the impending loss of his dad is a tremendous weight for him to carry, I just feel like I can't make him happy for just a little bit.

I needed to vent for a little bit. Thank you.

Re: I'm at such a loss (long, sorry)

Believe it or not, as horrible as this experience has been, it will make you both much stronger and solidify your relationship. It's awful timing in terms of the "newlywed period" but I am a firm believer that you're never given more than you can handle. Getting married, losing someone extremely close to you are both HUGE life altering experiences. Focus on the good and try to be upbeat. Your husband is obviously quite upset because of what is father is going through. You will come through this if you both work together and work through the sadness and giref. Perhaps you both do need a few days away... he might still be sad but it might also relieve tension/anxiety Good luck

Message edited 12/15/2006 8:07:18 AM.

Re: I'm at such a loss (long, sorry)

as some one who got engaged the day my Mom died- I understand the way you are feeling- you are feeling robbed of something you feel other people have

but while it may not be all roses and candy right now- getting thru a time like this will make you stronger as a couple and will lead to that stuff down the road

losing a parent is never easy-

Re: I'm at such a loss (long, sorry)

My mom died 10 days after we were married. We were on our honeymoon and I know my husband had to deal with everything you are going through. I won't lie and say it is easy and I am not the same person I was when we first got together. Losing a parent changes you in some ways.

I will say we came through this stronger and I have a whole new appreciation for my husband. He had to go through this with me again when my borhter died earlier this year. He didn't sign up for a life with so much grief but by him being available (when I wanted him to be) we have grown as a couple.

Please FM me if you need to chat.

Re: I'm at such a loss (long, sorry)

Believe it or not you are making your husband happy by just listening to him, about his father, his past, growing up, and know he will be without his bestfriend, just give him all your love and be greatful you found the love of your life.

Re: I'm at such a loss (long, sorry)

Message edited 1/30/2009 10:42:05 AM.