I'm Back...with my thoughts

I took some time off from LIF when I was pregnant and unfortunately I miscarried again, a 3rd time. I was about 7.5-8 weeks. I've started a blog and I thought I'd share my latest with you girls...hang on it's a long one!!

I believe we all have a path in life and miscarriage has found it’s way to be a part of mine. I’ve been living with the pain of miscarriage for almost 11 months now. The scars from my last two miscarriages are still raw and very much new. I can’t possibly fathom having to heal a 3rd. It was less than three weeks ago that I heard those tragic words. “Your baby doesn’t have a heart beat.” It’s literally like a stab to the heart. I remember how my husband questioned it right away, “What?” Hoping it wouldn’t be true. I feel trapped. I feel the fear of uncertainty cloud hovering over my every step. I know these tears that fall will make room for something better. They say srength comes from an indominable will. I think my will was tested this weekend by meeting the first born baby in my family. I can’t help but think that should’ve been me. But, suprisingly I proved myself wrong. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I felt proud to be an Aunt to the most beautiful baby girl. I felt happy to see my brother and sister in law change into parents right before my eyes. I wonder if they know how blessed they really are. I think I should focus on my blessings now too. Thats what happens when you feel pain. You lose focus. I spoke to a very old friend today and although she’s never had a miscarriage, she’s felt pain-the kind that runs deep in your veins that takes over your whole being. Mine is the same. What I need most is compassion and time to heal. Healing doesn’t mean that I will ever forget. I feel like everyone gets the two mixed up. There is no closure with miscarriage. I can always plant a tree or put on a piece of jewelry that honors my unborn children. But, everydayI have to keep on living with this terrible feeling of a life not acknowledged. When your life changes the path you’re on after becoming pregnant, you then make changes to your life to adapt and start on a new path. It doesn’t matter how far along you are, 4 weeks carrys the same pain as a miscarriage at 8 weeks or 12 weeks. A miscarriage knocks all your plans away and leaves you grieving and feeling like you have no direction.

Message edited 1/6/2010 1:45:20 PM.

Re: I'm Back...with my thoughts

Im so sorry

I just had my second loss around the same time. I had a my second d&c only 2 weeks ago; right between my birthday and Christmas. I was 9 weeks this time

I literally feel exactly what you wrote. This time is so much harder then the first and the feeling of hopelessness is just scary. It shouldnt be this hard, No one should ever have to go through this type of pain.

Im seeing an RE now. Hopefully you are too. I hope this new year brings closure and blessings for both of us!! Im here to talk if you need me

Re: I'm Back...with my thoughts

I'm so sorry again for your loss. I blogged about my loss and found it to be very theraputic to get everything out and written down. I hope you find it the same. I'd love to read more if you want to share your site.

YOu post was very open and raw. nad 100% true. I am sorry you have to go through this again.

Re: I'm Back...with my thoughts

wow that really touched me and like everyone else here I am going through exactly the same feelings. Im so sorry this has happened...

Re: I'm Back...with my thoughts

I am so sorry for your loss

Your blog really put a lot of how I feel into words. I feel noone IRL understands the true and deep pain of a miscarriage like you girls

Re: I'm Back...with my thoughts

I am so sorry for your loss!!

Thank you for sharing! I def feel very similar after just experiencing my second loss last month.

Re: I'm Back...with my thoughts

Sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing. I feel the same way. It feels as though it was written for my experience. It really hit home. Thank you

Re: I'm Back...with my thoughts

I am so sorry you had to go through this again. Thank you for sharing this with us. It made me cry. So much of it I can relate to. I'm thinking of you

Re: I'm Back...with my thoughts

I am so very sorry for your losses. Thank you for sharing. Wow. Your words were beautiful.