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I'm curious
Why someone venting on this board leads to ASSumptions of hating? 
I really don't think those of us spending thousands of dollars, making ourselves sick with meds and heartache would do all that b/c we hate children or parents.
As for those here by choice, I always hear about nieces and nephews or friends kids that they love and adore.
We all have frustrations and moments when someone NOT in our situation annoys us and we have the right to express it.
For those that vent about your spouses or kids (yes, we know you do this, *gasp*) do you want people making assumptions that you hate them, even if it's in a moment?
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Posted 1/21/10 11:02 AM  |
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SusiBee
. . . . .
Member since 3/09 8268 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: I'm curious
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:03 AM |
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KittyKatCopper
missing my handsome boy
Member since 3/09 1579 total posts
Name:
Kat - HamptonsBride (LIW)
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Re: I'm curious
Amen sister!! But it is easier to cast the assumption that we just hate everyone  People without kids are evil & contribute nothing to this society!
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:13 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: I'm curious
I'll take a stab at it cuz I am here and I assume you are not asking the CF since that would be more rhetorical
I think it has to do more with certain vents seeming to be very venemous and from some people they are and do. but it may also be from the concentration of kid complaints being soley on this board that lends it a sense of "anti kid". kind of like how sometimes the relationship board seems "anti husband" or "relationships are doomed"
I get this board though. I get what it's for and why it's here. and although sometimes I'll read something that I feel is filled with venom, I don't respond or defend parents b/c I get that NO ONE wants to here the other side...they just want to vent and say their peace and move on.
I DO think that certain people have a chip on their shoulders for whatever reason, but most times I think that people post vents on this board as part of a bonding thing...that is just my perception and is mostly why I don't think anyone hates kids here. they just want a space to get away from them.
I also really liked your point one day on one of these debate threads about posting on here with your beautiful child in your avatar. I agree that for people who are trying and have yet to get their wish, it can be very hard to see.
anyway, please enjoy your board girls..and to the moms..cut them some slack too. we all need a place to *****.
I still reserve the right to respond to dirty blonde's posts though 
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:14 AM |
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Re: I'm curious
Posted by KittyKatCopper
People without kids are evil & contribute nothing to this society!
Sorry, I forgot 
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:16 AM |
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SusiBee
. . . . .
Member since 3/09 8268 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: I'm curious
It just makes me really sad that this entire board is viewed as "us vs them".
I am part of a family of two, soon to have the addition of a pet.
I've experienced heartache, I've experienced illness, I've experienced the death of my mother and MIL. I've planned weddings, surprise parties, baby and bridal showers. I've bout a home.
Just because I have not experienced childbirth, does that make me different from anyone else ?
eta : I meant forum, not this board only 
Message edited 1/21/2010 11:30:48 AM.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:18 AM |
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Re: I'm curious
Posted by Ophelia
I still reserve the right to respond to dirty blonde's posts though
What's to debate about bacon and gin?
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:19 AM |
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Re: I'm curious
Posted by SusiBee
It just makes me really sad that this entire board is viewed as "us vs them".
I am part of a family of two, soon to have the addition of a pet.
I've experienced heartache, I've experienced illness, I've experienced the death of my mother and MIL. I've planned weddings, surprise parties, baby and bridal showers. I've bout a home.
Just because I have not experienced childbirth, does that make me different from anyone else ?
Nope! Which is why we have all the other boards too, to discuss all the common ground.
Just like there is pregnancy and parenting, where those people, all in the same situation can get together and ask questions, discuss ideas and frustrations and possibly even make new friends out of their common bond. Just like we all hope to do here.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:22 AM |
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Nifheim
allo
Member since 1/09 5476 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: I'm curious
For me yes to not wanting to hear the other side on a vent. For me personally i don't want to hear it unless there was a quested posed why do parent/child do X? (and i do not want to sound mean saying it but its truthful.)
I don't hate kids, i really do love them. I put this whole reply up on the subway thing and just had taken it down because i knew it would be twisted into something bad. For me I just can't stand some parents thinking their time, their kid and their life is more important them mine. that is really it in a nutshell. I always wanted children until I started to work with parents who for the most part seem pretty unhappy (not all of them), i also work with SOME parents who are pretty self centered and think coming into work one-one and half hours late is okay because they have a kid - then they go into why they are late because of the kid and i really don't care. It isn't my problem, i don't care that your kid vomited my cat vomits, my husband vomits and i seem to be able to get into work at a reasonable time.
Also i really would love to go on parenting and start posting at their vents. Maybe giving them a outsider opinion - but i won't. Just like when my guy friends vent about their wives/children and their "miserable lives" i do not comment I just sit and listen. Why? because that is all they want, no advice or look at it from the other person's perspective. They want someone to listen/agree with them if you get what they are saying and then move on. Kinda like I like to do. They walk away loving their families again and I walk away with some funny stories.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:43 AM |
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Re: I'm curious
Posted by Nifheim
For me yes to not wanting to hear the other side on a vent.
I'm so with you there. If I wanted a debate or outside opinions I would post on NFR or elsewhere. I agree that the CF folks should have this board to freely express themselves and vent as they see fit. But then again, people post private matters on infertility and people that lurk there feel the need to use that against them, so this is what we are dealing with I guess..... 
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:50 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: I'm curious
Posted by Nifheim
i don't care that your kid vomited my cat vomits, my husband vomits and i seem to be able to get into work at a reasonable time.
oh boy. see, this is where some arguments jump the shark.
do you REALLY and I mean REALLY think there is NO DIFFERENCE between a child, a cat, and a grown man??
this is a curiousity to me...b/c I've always believed...for 33 of the 34 years before I had my son (only 3 short months ago...believing my entire life before that) that a human child is one of the most vulnerable living things on the planet. it's actually NOT a belief but a fact.
a cat if it needs to can fend for itself. a child simply cannot their growth and development is much faster than a humans (hence the seven years to every human one) (especially an infant). a man...well, that is up for further debate but honestly, stuff like that IS hard to read whether you have a child or not b/c it's simply mind blowing.
annoyances are one thing. taking advantage is one thing. comparing a child to an animal is something...other. no matter how much YOU love them..biologically it's just not the same.
anyway...I am ruined now.  sorry.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:53 AM |
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Nifheim
allo
Member since 1/09 5476 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: I'm curious
my husband can't fend for himself when he is sick. I guess your lucky to have a man who is willing to clean up after himself because mine does not. (seriously your lucky!)
What i was getting at is some parents really take advantage of people and use their kid as an excuse.
My cat yea she can fend for herself but if its vomit what wait for myself to come home later to clean it up? I have to clean her up/the floor up etc.
Comparing a child to an animal can be the same for some of us. Perhaps it is something you can not understand, which is fine but for me I can.
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| Posted 1/21/10 12:00 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: I'm curious
Posted by Nifheim
Comparing a child to an animal can be the same for some of us. Perhaps it is something you can not understand, which is fine but for me I can.
the issue is NOT cleaning up, but preventing DEATH from dehydration.
no one wants to clean up barf, be it human or animal.
but while a cat could concievably jump up on the kitchen or bathroom counter and drink water from the drips in the sink or even the bathtub or toilet bowl if in a pinch (I know, I've seen my cat do it) and a man could crawl to the sink or frig to quench his thirst...and baby or small child cannot.
you are more than free to love your cat, dog, and turtle like your children. I think it's great. more power to you.
but whereas I would be ARRESTED and thrown in prison if I left my child alone, ever...let alone sick...no one would bat an eye if you forgot to turn your turtles lamp on.
so they simply cannot be compared, know what I mean.
I am not saying this to pick fights with you. it's just these basic bits of fact and logic are sometimes missing and should be thought of, I think it would serve to quell the disagreements.
ETA: I agree that no one should use anything as an "excuse" for lateness and if you are in a situation where it is a constant and this child is truly NOT sick, well that is something other and it would grate on my nerves too. my only "issue" is the idea that caring for a truly sick child is in any way similar to caring for a sick adult or pet.
Message edited 1/21/2010 12:26:31 PM.
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| Posted 1/21/10 12:15 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: I'm curious
I think the issue is the nature of how vents SOUND on here sometimes.
Its not just a vent -- when it turns into drama I think it stems from the vent seeming to be fueled with disdain...and when that happens, it can certainly p*ss people off who take it personal.
And again, its not just the CFers, it comes from BOTH sides, because if parents come over here with a nasty attitude as well, nothing gets accomplished, and a topic just turns into "CF vs. Moms."
Its like nothing can just be a normal conversation, it has to turn into a cat fight.
Shame on both sides.
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| Posted 1/21/10 12:22 PM |
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Nifheim
allo
Member since 1/09 5476 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: I'm curious
Posted by Nifheim
i also work with SOME parents who are pretty self centered and think coming into work one-one and half hours late is okay because they have a kid - then they go into why they are late because of the kid and i really don't care. It isn't my problem
i thinking my original comment was not made clear: it was really about parents who come in late to work because their kid spit up on themselves or they had a temper tantrum causing an hour to a hour and half lateness at work. I certainly would not ever think to compare a child to my husband/animal when it comes to leaving someone alone to fend for themselves. 
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| Posted 1/21/10 12:24 PM |
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stickydust
Now a mommy of 2!!!
Member since 4/06 3164 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm curious
I NEVER post here nor partake in any of the drama associated with this board. I just want to provide some insight as to why this board continually causes so much controversy.
The issue stems from the fact that many view this board as a forum to vent about anything you wish. Fine. Great. However, I do not think that the existence of any particular board should be used as a place to make offensive comments about others (whether they are a vent or not) and if such offensive comments are made then one should expect the opposing viewpoint to intervene. It is like if I created a board here for 1st generation americans and we all sat around and discussed how annoying 5th generation americans are or how much better it is to be 1st generation - I am sure there would be many that would be offended. However if we discussed issues pertinent to the challenges of being first generation then that would be entirely different.
The Parenting board is frequently brought up as an example. I think the difference lies in the content of the posts. If the majority of posts here where related to place you can vacation where there willl be no children or trips to costco where you can split the groceries then that would not be a problem. i think the problem is in the fact that many of the posts are vents about children or parents.
If the same situation were to occur on the parenting board i.e. instead of discussing reflux and milk allergies we started posting about how people without kids lead empty lives (not that I believe this- just an example) or how it is so stupid that people act like their children are pets...then I would fully expect other people to iterject and offer their $.2
So it is not about having your own board or not it is about the fact that if such comments were made on any of the other boards no one would expect them to remain drama-free so why would people think that the fact that they are posted here would afford them some kind of protection from alternate viewpoints?
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| Posted 1/21/10 1:21 PM |
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MeNBobs
*****
Member since 4/07 3765 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm curious
Posted by MrsPJB2007
I think the issue is the nature of how vents SOUND on here sometimes.
Its not just a vent -- when it turns into drama I think it stems from the vent seeming to be fueled with disdain...and when that happens, it can certainly p*ss people off who take it personal.
And again, its not just the CFers, it comes from BOTH sides, because if parents come over here with a nasty attitude as well, nothing gets accomplished, and a topic just turns into "CF vs. Moms."
Its like nothing can just be a normal conversation, it has to turn into a cat fight.
Shame on both sides.
BINGO!
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| Posted 1/21/10 1:31 PM |
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Re: I'm curious
Posted by stickydust
I NEVER post here nor partake in any of the drama associated with this board. I just want to provide some insight as to why this board continually causes so much controversy.
The issue stems from the fact that many view this board as a forum to vent about anything you wish. Fine. Great. However, I do not think that the existence of any particular board should be used as a place to make offensive comments about others (whether they are a vent or not) and if such offensive comments are made then one should expect the opposing viewpoint to intervene. It is like if I created a board here for 1st generation americans and we all sat around and discussed how annoying 5th generation americans are or how much better it is to be 1st generation - I am sure there would be many that would be offended. However if we discussed issues pertinent to the challenges of being first generation then that would be entirely different.
The Parenting board is frequently brought up as an example. I think the difference lies in the content of the posts. If the majority of posts here where related to place you can vacation where there willl be no children or trips to costco where you can split the groceries then that would not be a problem. i think the problem is in the fact that many of the posts are vents about children or parents.
If the same situation were to occur on the parenting board i.e. instead of discussing reflux and milk allergies we started posting about how people without kids lead empty lives (not that I believe this- just an example) or how it is so stupid that people act like their children are pets...then I would fully expect other people to iterject and offer their $.2
So it is not about having your own board or not it is about the fact that if such comments were made on any of the other boards no one would expect them to remain drama-free so why would people think that the fact that they are posted here would afford them some kind of protection from alternate viewpoints?
The only problem I have with this is that no one from here (LIF) was personally being attacked. Some one b*tched about strollers on the subway (which is annoying as some mom's have poined out) and that got translated into HATE. Alternate viewpoints, although this isn't where I would post for them, are not problematic. It's the jumping to conclusions that is. Maybe I will never get it as I don't visit the boards that don't pertain to me as I really am not interested in what goes on there.
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| Posted 1/21/10 1:39 PM |
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Re: I'm curious
Posted by MrsPJB2007
I think the issue is the nature of how vents SOUND on here sometimes.
Its not just a vent -- when it turns into drama I think it stems from the vent seeming to be fueled with disdain...and when that happens, it can certainly p*ss people off who take it personal.
Guess I don't see why it should be taken personally. No one has been called out by name.
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| Posted 1/21/10 1:40 PM |
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LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
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Re: I'm curious
Posted by MrsPJB2007
I think the issue is the nature of how vents SOUND on here sometimes.
Its not just a vent -- when it turns into drama I think it stems from the vent seeming to be fueled with disdain...and when that happens, it can certainly p*ss people off who take it personal.
And again, its not just the CFers, it comes from BOTH sides, because if parents come over here with a nasty attitude as well, nothing gets accomplished, and a topic just turns into "CF vs. Moms."
Its like nothing can just be a normal conversation, it has to turn into a cat fight.
Shame on both sides.
Yahtzee!!!!!
This is exactly what I was saying the last time the whole CF v. Breeders debate came up.
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| Posted 1/21/10 1:42 PM |
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stickydust
Now a mommy of 2!!!
Member since 4/06 3164 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm curious
Posted by BaseballWidow
The only problem I have with this is that no one from here (LIF) was personally being attacked. Some one b*tched about strollers on the subway (which is annoying as some mom's have poined out) and that got translated into HATE. Alternate viewpoints, although this isn't where I would post for them, are not problematic. It's the jumping to conclusions that is. Maybe I will never get it as I don't visit the boards that don't pertain to me as I really am not interested in what goes on there.
While no onewas singled out specifically - there are obviously LIFers here w/kids who live in the city. They, undoubtedly, have had to take strollers on the subway. For those of us who do not we can still be sympathetic especially in the case of someone who was not being oblivious or inconsiderate.
As to why people come here who do not "belong" here - come on, this board always has great fodder for drama
Its better to PMS here then on your DH
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| Posted 1/21/10 1:45 PM |
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stickydust
Now a mommy of 2!!!
Member since 4/06 3164 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm curious
Also, I don't understand why people are surprised that drama ensues - this is LIF. We can create drama out of icicle lights!!
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| Posted 1/21/10 1:47 PM |
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Re: I'm curious
Posted by stickydust
As to why people come here who do not "belong" here - come on, this board always has great fodder for drama
Glad my life is so amusing for others. I'd like to see what would happen if I posted that stance on parenting or pregnancy?
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| Posted 1/21/10 1:52 PM |
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Re: I'm curious
Posted by stickydust
Also, I don't understand why people are surprised that drama ensues - this is LIF. We can create drama out of icicle lights!!
As I have said before (as have others) it just has to do with asking for some respect here in a little corner of the world for those of us without kids.
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| Posted 1/21/10 1:53 PM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: I'm curious
When I saw the subway post I KNEW it was going to start drama.
Let's be honest with one and other. People write things that they KNOW will infuriate others and then look around like "WHO ME?"
BOTH sides, parent and non, have *PEOPLE*, who instigate the trouble and others who keep the butter a churnin..
face it, if some people did not get a thrill our of giving the parent a dig that will set them off or vice versa givingthe CF person a dig that will set them off, we would not have a problem.
None of these threads get heated by mistake.
Message edited 1/21/2010 2:04:18 PM.
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| Posted 1/21/10 1:59 PM |
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