I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

For no reason other than to just get it out. I'm feeling so overwhelmed with this situation with my father. His health is getting worse and worse, and he's so stressed out about selling his house, packing everything up and finding a new place in Philadelphia that he failed his last stress test and is on sedatives and totally out of it. I'm depressed as it is just to know that he's so sad and lonely, but on top of it, I'm feeling so much of a burden to help him. I've been going to NY every weekend to keep him company and help him sort through his things which of COURSE I'm going to do because I love him and I'm his daughter, but it's taking a toll on my work and on the time I spend with my husband and daughter. But, to add insult to injury, the whole reason why he's moving, during the most fragile time of his life healthwise, is because my selfish egotistical mother decided that right now was the time to get a divorce. She's demaniding her share of the house, which he can't afford, so he's selling it. So, she's basically wiping her hands clean of the entire situation and shifting the burden of taking care of my father all on my shoulders. So now I have to help him pack, clean out the house, find a new apartment for him in Philadelphia. When he's sick, I'll be there, when he has a doctor appointment, I'll be there. I do it because I love him, but it's just so much to take in. I have two brothers - one who lives in philly and he's helping out, to a degree, but my other brother lives in VA and wants nothing to do with the situation. He visits my father maybe once every 8 years, and I just dont know how he continues to have a conscious knowing how sick and fragile his father is, and yet doing nothing about it. And why in the world does he and my mother think it's ok to leave this entire burden on my shoulders? It's just not right... I'm so overwhelmed, I'm so angry, and I'm so depressed. I'm at the point where I just want to cut them entirely out of my life for being so selfish and consumed with themselves, and not caring about what their actions are doing to me

Message edited 11/3/2006 10:45:20 PM.

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

I'm so sorry you are going thru this. Your dad is very lucky to have such a loving, caring daughter

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

Wow...it totally stinks being a mature person with love amongst some selfish people who are acting immature. You are doing the right thing. Your father would do the same for you...this makes you the amazing person that you are.

It's hard to be a parent to your children while trying to also be a parent to your parent...there is only so much your father can expect of you. With Alex, the new house, and a job search...I can only imagine the toll these weekly trips are taking.

It won't be forever...and do only what you can physically and emotionally handle. Because if you go outta commission, that's a whole new ball of wax...and it won't be pretty.

Just look in the mirror and see what an wonderful mom, daughter, wife, attorney you are. One day at a time...
and make sure to take at least 20 minutes a day to whatever...scream, cry, laugh, veg out...vent...

We're here...



I admire your strength.

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

Posted by mommy2bellabean

Wow...it totally stinks being a mature person with love amongst some selfish people who are acting immature. You are doing the right thing. Your father would do the same for you...this makes you the amazing person that you are.

It's hard to be a parent to your children while trying to also be a parent to your parent...there is only so much your father can expect of you. With Alex, the new house, and a job search...I can only imagine the toll these weekly trips are taking.

It won't be forever...and do only what you can physically and emotionally handle. Because if you go outta commission, that's a whole new ball of wax...and it won't be pretty.

Just look in the mirror and see what an wonderful mom, daughter, wife, attorney you are. One day at a time...
and make sure to take at least 20 minutes a day to whatever...scream, cry, laugh, veg out...vent...

We're here...



I admire your strength.

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

Posted by Bxgell2

Posted by mommy2bellabean

Wow...it totally stinks being a mature person with love amongst some selfish people who are acting immature. You are doing the right thing. Your father would do the same for you...this makes you the amazing person that you are.

It's hard to be a parent to your children while trying to also be a parent to your parent...there is only so much your father can expect of you. With Alex, the new house, and a job search...I can only imagine the toll these weekly trips are taking.

It won't be forever...and do only what you can physically and emotionally handle. Because if you go outta commission, that's a whole new ball of wax...and it won't be pretty.

Just look in the mirror and see what an wonderful mom, daughter, wife, attorney you are. One day at a time...
and make sure to take at least 20 minutes a day to whatever...scream, cry, laugh, veg out...vent...

We're here...



I admire your strength.

Thank you...

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

Posted by mommy2bellabean

Posted by Bxgell2

Posted by mommy2bellabean

Wow...it totally stinks being a mature person with love amongst some selfish people who are acting immature. You are doing the right thing. Your father would do the same for you...this makes you the amazing person that you are.

It's hard to be a parent to your children while trying to also be a parent to your parent...there is only so much your father can expect of you. With Alex, the new house, and a job search...I can only imagine the toll these weekly trips are taking.

It won't be forever...and do only what you can physically and emotionally handle. Because if you go outta commission, that's a whole new ball of wax...and it won't be pretty.

Just look in the mirror and see what an wonderful mom, daughter, wife, attorney you are. One day at a time...
and make sure to take at least 20 minutes a day to whatever...scream, cry, laugh, veg out...vent...

We're here...



I admire your strength.

Thank you...

Just imagine what a role model you are for your daughter...even when she sticks that devilish little tongue at you

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

Wow, that is a lot on your shoulders. I would be really pi$$ed at my mom and brothers if they were not helping out. It may be a lot to handle, but in the end your dad NEEDS you right now. I feel so sad for him

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

I'm sorry you have to deal with this Beth. Caring for parents is such a huge burden and I'm sorry that you have siblings and still have to carry the brunt of it. I'm not sure if it's financially doable but can you hire someone to help with the packing so you can maybe go every other weekend? I used a girl off Craigslist when we moved to help pack for way cheaper than movers would be.

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

Posted by julz33

Wow, that is a lot on your shoulders. I would be really pi$$ed at my mom and brothers if they were not helping out. It may be a lot to handle, but in the end your dad NEEDS you right now. I feel so sad for him

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

Posted by julz33

Wow, that is a lot on your shoulders. I would be really pi$$ed at my mom and brothers if they were not helping out. It may be a lot to handle, but in the end your dad NEEDS you right now. I feel so sad for him

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

Posted by monkeybride


I'm sorry you have to deal with this Beth. Caring for parents is such a huge burden and I'm sorry that you have siblings and still have to carry the brunt of it. I'm not sure if it's financially doable but can you hire someone to help with the packing so you can maybe go every other weekend? I used a girl off Craigslist when we moved to help pack for way cheaper than movers would be.

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

That's such a sad situation. Hopefully it makes you feel a little bit better to know that you are doing the right thing and that your father appreciates more than he will be able to show.

Maybe just try to focus on the immediate things and don't try to take in the whole situation at once - it's a lot and I can see why it's overwhelming.

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

You have every right to feel the way you do....I would want to cut all the selfish people out of my life too. You are doing this because you are a good person and I bet your father is more grateful and appreciative then you know


It will be easier once he moves closer....he is so lucky to have you in his life to depend on

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

wow.. I am so sorry to hear about this situation! I am sorry you ahve to deal with such selfish people!! I am sure your dad truly appreciates everything you're doing. You are very strong and I agree with the other posters, try to get some help from movers if you need to!

you and your dad are in my thoughts and prayers!

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

I know it is a lot to handle, but I think it is great that he is moving close to you, ( well, not the divorce part though) b/c if he stayed in NY & you'd probably still be the one taking care of him & it would that much harder with all the travel. I think once he moves you should try & get you brother that live near you to help out more.

I've seen my father go through this with both of his parents --not that his siblings didn't want to help, but his sister who lives near his parents was sick & passed away right after his mother did, & their brother lived in GA, so it was up to him to take care of his father who lived 4 hours away.

Message edited 11/4/2006 9:59:44 AM.

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

I am so sorry and can fully understand the burden you feel.

My Dad had a very severe stroke 9 years ago which overnight left him partially paralyzed and unable to ever live on his own again. I had to move back into his home (I was 27) and assume all responsibility. My mom died when I was young and while my brother can handle reheating leftovers that's about it.
For the past nine years I handled all doctor's appts, banking/investing, home improvements, estate planning, everything

Yes, there were times it was overwhelming and I can't imagine what I would have done if I was married and had a little one.

I am so sorry the rest of your family members are ditching their responsibility to your father. It's really awful as I'm sure he's done a lot for them. I've dealt with that as well from my Dad's siblings, all retired and living on LI yet, they only see him 3X a year and never offer to help out.

If you ever need to vent or if I can offer advice in any way please feel free to FM me.

Remember, take it one day at a time

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

i'm in a similar situation but thankfully my parents are well and together, but the burden is all on me.

Please FM if you want to chat. You are doing the right thing. Try not to be angry because I've learned it only hurts you.

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

Beth, I am so sorry that you have to take this all on yourself. Your father is very lucky to have you.

Re: I'm just so upset, and I need to vent...

Beth you are such and angel for everything you are doing for your dad, plus taking care of a baby and working full time amongst other things you have to get done. Just remember that once all the packing and moving is over with, your dad will be nice and close and you won't have to trek back every weekend.