I'm miserable and just need to vent (long)

I went back to week last Thursday after being on maternity leave since late Sept and it's been the worst week of my life.

My childcare situation couldnt be better but at work I am clearly being set up to fail. I was promoted 3 days before returning and Im starting to think it was really to justify how raked over the coals I'd be when I got back to work. Basically they're asking impossible things of me that there is no way I could do a good job with in the timeframes I'm being given. I work in finance and SO much has gone on the last 5 months that I havent even had time to catch up on and they already have a huge client meeting set up for me tomorrow to discuss them? They've had me so crazy the last few days that I still havent been able to read a single thing that's gone on.

I cry multiple times a day, feel like im being bullied when i try to say i cant do it, and am ready to quit. I think it's great that my company touts their great 4 month paid maternity and "transition back to work" but if you slam somebody as if they've been there all along, how does that help retain women? I'd have to work 24/7 and weekends to do this and I REFUSE to sacrifice time with my son. I've never thought I'd ever quit my job and I'm ready to move our family, change everything we know and move somewhere that I could be a SAHM. It is SO hard because I make a great salary and I know DH gets worried every time I suggest quitting and isnt very supportive of the idea so I just feel so STUCK. Since having my son, life was blissful so is this misery my payback? I just want to enjoy him and now I dont know what to do

Re: I'm miserable and just need to vent (long)

Re: I'm miserable and just need to vent (long)

I completely understand where you are coming from. I actually posted a very similar post a few weeks ago. I don't have any "real" advise for you other than to say that you should talk to your boss. I also wanted to give you some

Re: I'm miserable and just need to vent (long)

Posted by FelAndJon

I completely understand where you are coming from. I actually posted a very similar post a few weeks ago. I don't have any "real" advise for you other than to say that you should talk to your boss. I also wanted to give you some

Re: I'm miserable and just need to vent (long)

I think you need to give it some more time. There is going to be an adjustment period. You haven't even been back a week. Do the best you can, and if in a few months its an issue- you can check out your options.

A few months ago I was ready to quit this job. Now, things have gotten better. I've adjusted. Its still not the ideal place for me in the long run, but I'm not ready to quit anymore.

Re: I'm miserable and just need to vent (long)

just wanted to give you as i know how hard it is going back to work. esp being out for 4 months, you feel so out of sync withe everything that happened in the work world, give it some more time and def see if you can talk to your supervisor about maybe lessening some of the load from you

Re: I'm miserable and just need to vent (long)

That's so unfair. I don't have any real advice but I know what it's like to move somewhere to be a SAHM, we are in the process as we speak. Please hang in there and go with your heart. It's not worth being that unhappy and sacrificing time with your DC. There are other jobs.

Re: I'm miserable and just need to vent (long)

I had a similar experience going back to work - I was crying constantly, felt as if I couldn't say no to work they were piling on, etc, etc. It was severely disappointing because I truly LOVED my firm and the family oriented ambience. But, unfortunately I was the first woman in over 20 years to come back from maternity leave, and, to boot, I was one of only TWO female attorneys, and I was the only one with a child.

It all came to a head when the senior partner, about 4 weeks after I returned, came into my office, closed the door, and told me that the quality of my work, as of late, had been "uncharacteristic of me" and wanted to know what was going on.

I explained the situation - I had a newborn to tend to, had very little help from family, was dealing with serious sleep deprivation and a collicky baby. I assured him that I would find my "groove" soon and he would see improvements.

Shelly is right - within about 3 months I hit my groove - I settled a little, was able to find a routine that worked for all of us, and my work improved significantly. Things got better, until our firm was taken over by a huge, non-family friendly firm, at which time, I reanalyzed my situation, and decided to leave and started in a federal government position that is MUCH MUCH more accomodating for working mothers.

So, I have four suggestions - first, if you really believe their intent is to sabotage you, you must document everything.

Second, give it time - the first 3 months are difficult, even when you have the ideal job.

Third, talk to your boss about it. Ask how you can mutually work together to make this arrangement more satisfying for everyone.

Fourth, after 3 months if you are still miserable, start looking for another job.

Re: I'm miserable and just need to vent (long)

Sounds like they left the transition out of transition. Quitting is always an option, but I think if you work through this difficult period you may end up finding a balance with a little bit of time. Perhaps take this next week and really focus on work. I know it will be hard, but kinda forget about family for just a week. Have DH take up the slack, allowing you to come in early and stay late and really get a handle on work without trying to do it all (mom, wife, etc.) Then maybe you can get ahead on work, or at least get a handle on the new position, then slow down and find your groove. Just an idea. Many hugs though because I know its hard enough just to have to go back to work!!

Re: I'm miserable and just need to vent (long)

i don't have any advice but wanted to offer . Give it a little more time and do the best you can, things have a way of working out for the best...

Re: I'm miserable and just need to vent (long)

Re: I'm miserable and just need to vent (long)

It is hard enough going back to work and leaving your baby. I am sorry you are having deal to with even more right now.

Re: I'm miserable and just need to vent (long)

Re: I'm miserable and just need to vent (long)

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. Today I took my scheduled day off (part of my transition ) even though I should have canceled it so that i can try to catch up on work without having 10 more things piled on. My biggest problem is that they're throwing me in front of potential clients immediately and I WILL look like a FOOL and we will lose business. At this point, I dont know that I even care.

I guess I'll try to stick it out and take it day by day in hopes that it gets better.

Message edited 2/13/2008 10:37:33 AM.

Re: I'm miserable and just need to vent (long)

Although I am not in this situation I saw this happening at a law firm I worked at before getting pg. I don't know if it was intentional or not but I do know that most new mothers (and fathers) left shortly after returning from maternity/paternity leave. I too was making a ton of $$$. Now I'm a SAHM - I couldn't handle it It will work out - you just have to find the right fit for you in the long run - everyone is different in what they feel comfortable doing.

I always say that no one realizes how very hard it is these days to have a career and a family as a woman --- in many areas --- I am an atty but I see it happening in finance as well

Re: I'm miserable and just need to vent (long)

Posted by Salason

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. Today I took my scheduled day off (part of my transition ) even though I should have canceled it so that i can try to catch up on work without having 10 more things piled on. My biggest problem is that they're throwing me in front of potential clients immediately and I WILL look like a FOOL and we will lose business. At this point, I dont know that I even care.

I guess I'll try to stick it out and take it day by day in hopes that it gets better.