im really feeling sorry for myself right now (LONG)

so i apologize if i sound like a whiny baby.

ive been on my bed crying for 2 hours. i dont know if this is because of the stupid hcg shot or not but im a mess.

i feel like crap. im sore from the iui (makes me wonder if it was timed poorly and thats why it hurt so much), my stomach hurts from the injection, i have bloating and cramps and i have bad nausea. i cant stop crying, im scared and to top it off my son is a clingy whiny mess too because he is sick.

im absolutley petrified to have another iui tomorrow. i dont want to do it. i am petrified im taking these fertility drugs and i cant even take the stupid aspirin im supposed to take with them because i have such bad nausea and stomach pains.

im crying because im thinking about how nervous i was before the IUI today and how it was hurting when they were trying to put the catheter in and im looking at my dh with tears in my eyes and he is just looking at me like what do you want me to do. he pisses me off because he is so cut and dry about it. very "suck it up".

i just dont know what to do. i keep thinking in my head well if i dont do the iui tomorrow and just bd then maybe it will work because i took all the medication this month and maybe that was a reason too it wasnt happening for us before. i just dont know if i can do it.i know alot of you think this is a walk in the park and i do feel ashamed that i am being a baby, but ive never been scared like this in my life and so confused. its like i dont want to give up but im so nervous im letting myself give up

and im so confused with the monitoring too. the size of my follicles. should i have gotten the iui today.....i dunno.
it makes me think i already have a beautiful son, maybe im forcing something thats not meant to be for me. and if thats the case why am i putting myself through all this?

Re: im really feeling sorry for myself right now (LONG)

First of all, I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

Secondly, I seriously think you need to get some answers...right away. You need to write down all your questions and either call them and demand that you get a return call or make sure that someone is there to answer your questions tomorrow - IUI or not.

As far as the pain from the IUI - you may have a cervical issue and that's why you are A; having a problem getting PG and B; experiencing pain from the IUI. I know I had a lot of scar tissue on my cervix, had some extremely painful IUI's and IVF transfers and asked to have a dilatation done in order to remove the scar tissue.

I'm surprised they gave you the HCG in your stomach - I thought it was an intramuscular injection and should have been in your arm. But even so, my guess is the pain and nauseau are probably more because you are upset than anything.

I can't tell you what to do but as far as advice...being so negative won't help you...a lot of this battle is attitude and you need to keep your chin up through the hellish experiences - and trust me, I've had many...the most important thing for you right now is to get some real answers. As I said before, you need to talk to your Dr. we can't help you much more at this point. You need to take control of your protocol and find out what exactly they are doing and why.

Good luck

Re: im really feeling sorry for myself right now (LONG)

You are not being a baby. You are scared and that is normal. I hated having to do IUI and I still hate having to do it but it is an unfortunate means to an end. Make no apologies to us or anyone else. For me, it is sadly becoming old hat and something else I have to do. In the beginning, I felt similarly to the way you do. Now its routine.

It is normal to cramp after an IUI. They open your uterus as they put the catheter in and the cramping is an adjustment. Your concern is certainly justified as it is a new experience for you.

I would also be glad that you have an other opportunity to maximize your chances of "hitting it" by having subsequent IUIs in a cycle. "Washed sperm is supposed to only live for 6-12 hours, but sometimes as long as 24 -- not nearly as long as sperm can live in fertile cervical mucus (sperm can live up to 5 days in fertile mucus, 2-3 days being pretty common). This is why timing is so important." But by putting the sample directly into your uterus, it has less distance to travel and AGAIN, you maximize your chances. They do work. I assure you.

We are here for you.

Re: im really feeling sorry for myself right now (LONG)

I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad

I haven't had any IUI's yet, but I know when I do I will be just as nervous/scared as you are. I think you should go back tomorrow and talk everything out with them and then decide if you will need to go through with the second IUI. I hope you start feeling better and never apologize for venting here, it's what we are here for

Re: im really feeling sorry for myself right now (LONG)

I think we have all been there at some point and I can relate to alot of what you are saying.

I think some of your questions about the timing of your IUI are valid and I would insist on having them answered. I would also ask why it was so painful... because it is not supposed to be. Like Gerty said you could have some cervical issues. It also could be because you were so nervous to begin with.

As for the HCG shot, mine were always in my belly. And that is the pregnancy hormone, so some of your mood lability, and nauseau could easily be because of that. I would also ask tomorrow how much they gave you. Usually 5000, sometimes 10,000. That will depend on how long it takes to leave your body.

Hug that beautiful boy and acknowledge that you are doing everything you can and thats that.

Re: im really feeling sorry for myself right now (LONG)

I'm sorry you are feeling this way Jules...

Bellieve me we have all been there before and it s*cks. I have no advice about the IUI but I do agree that from what I've read it should not be that painful...have you had an HSG done?

And I did my HCG shot in the stomach as well, that was no picnic and I felt bloated, crampy and nauseous for a few days afterwards. I'm sure you are still feeling some of the emotional effects of the Clomid as well.

Just take it one day at a time...things will get better.

Re: im really feeling sorry for myself right now (LONG)

Jules, I'm sorry to hear you are so upset and not feeling well. I would ask all your questions today and make sure you get the clarification you need. I have asked them to repeat themselves 3x, just so I could understand, sometimes. There is so much to know and sometimes it can feel like the information is swirling around you. Also, you shouldn't do anything you aren't comfortable with and you should know why the IUI hurt. I remember being scared having to take myself to my HSG and we all know what it is like being scared with IF treatments/tests. Hang in there and we're here for you!

Re: im really feeling sorry for myself right now (LONG)

Jules, do you know if they gave you hCg or if they gave you Ovidrel? Ovidrel you take subcutaneously but regular hcg is an intramuscular injection either in your butt or your leg.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're not being a baby. I would definitely talk to Brenner, though

Re: im really feeling sorry for myself right now (LONG)

Jules- I'm so sorry you're going thru this! I stop w/ Clomid being my last option (and hoping so desperately that it works) due to my DHs beliefs, but I know I would have been terrified going thru what you had to go thru!
Though I can't relate, please FM me if you ever need a shoulder to lean on!

Re: im really feeling sorry for myself right now (LONG)

Posted by LaurenExp

Jules, do you know if they gave you hCg or if they gave you Ovidrel? Ovidrel you take subcutaneously but regular hcg is an intramuscular injection either in your butt or your leg.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're not being a baby. I would definitely talk to Brenner, though

Re: im really feeling sorry for myself right now (LONG)

I don't think you sound like a whiny baby. Just a woman who is frustrated at having secondary infertility and not getting the answers you need. I can relate to thinking perhaps one child is all we are going to be blessed with but then I remember that I am a good mom and I deserve to have another, just as you should.

Good luck with everything.

Re: im really feeling sorry for myself right now (LONG)

I'm sorry you feel so bad! Hopefully you will be feeling better soon! I completely understand about the cramping and IUI! Mine was last Friday (9/14) and I was in so much pain about an hour later, I had to go home and lay down, it was terrible. I didn't feel better until the next day!

I also had myself a little "pity party" yesterday, DH was at work, I laid in bed and cried for about 30 minutes with my dogs and then fell asleep for a little while.

Re: im really feeling sorry for myself right now (LONG)

I personally have no experience with IUI, just IVF. I hope you are feeling better soon. You didn't go for 2nd IUI?

Re: im really feeling sorry for myself right now (LONG)

Posted by PattyO

I'm sorry you feel so bad! Hopefully you will be feeling better soon! I completely understand about the cramping and IUI! Mine was last Friday (9/14) and I was in so much pain about an hour later, I had to go home and lay down, it was terrible. I didn't feel better until the next day!

I also had myself a little "pity party" yesterday, DH was at work, I laid in bed and cried for about 30 minutes with my dogs and then fell asleep for a little while.

Re: im really feeling sorry for myself right now (LONG)