I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

I'm curious to know what you all think about this.

It is so awful and tragic and scares me to death - that - do you ever really know what your children are doing?

I don't know if any of you got a chance to see this girls myspace page but she did some hardcore partying - and she just turned 18. Do the parents not know this? Do they just turn a blind eye?

How do we - as parents - ensure that our kids hang out with the right group of people - and that they don't fall into the drinking and drugs?

It's bad enough that we have to worry about the sicknesses that we have no control over. The drunk drivers we have no control over. But, now to think that there are hardcore drugs out there in highschools - is just too much.

God know what this world will be like when our kids are teenagers.

ETA: I know that we don't know if she was on drugs or not yet - but I'm referring more to the fact that heroin is apparently the drug of choice in some of our local highschools.

Message edited 6/24/2008 8:47:33 AM.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

very sad - and scary too. Really makes you think about how you will parent your teenagers....

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

I would like to say about this...

first - it IS a tragedy and it is happening everday around the country

2nd - I HATE when people say, where were the parents? I know parents play a VITAL role in teaching their kids right from wrong. I ALSO know MANY people who had wonderful, loving parents and wound up with drug problems. I think it is unfair to place blame in these situations

Good parenting only goes so far, unfortunately. I think you do the best you can and just pray that your children make wise choices

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

Is this that girl that died in the garage? I think I heard something about it on the news this morning.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

This story sickens me. I'm extremely upset about it. I don't know how to ensure that your kids don't get mixed up with drugs and alcohol other than by being an active, involved parent. After looking at her myspace page, I don't know how her parents couldn't have know what she was into. But, I'm sure her parents were good parents and I don't know what else you can do.

I don't even know what to say...

Message edited 6/24/2008 9:10:59 AM.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

I have to say, I have sisters 12 and 14 years younger than me (they are 16 and 18 now) and the stories they tell me because I am their sister and I try to be a nonjudgmental ear (and interject when I can and really make them think--which has worked) well, I know I was no angel in HS but SEX and DRINKING are younger than I ever remember...

They go to the same HS I went to, but lordy loo. It terrifies me for when Bella gets older. (Locking her in her room until she turns 25 sounds like a viable option!)

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

Posted by mommy2bella

I have to say, I have sisters 12 and 14 years younger than me (they are 16 and 18 now) and the stories they tell me because I am their sister and I try to be a nonjudgmental ear (and interject when I can and really make them think--which has worked) well, I know I was no angel in HS but SEX and DRINKING are younger than I ever remember...

They go to the same HS I went to, but lordy loo. It terrifies me for when Bella gets older. (Locking her in her room until she turns 25 sounds like a viable option!)

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

I read about this this morning and I was shocked that the mother of the boy who through the party didnt know he was having a party in the GARAGE.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

Do you think parents really are able to have a control on their kids once they hit a certain age? I think we as "new' parents like to think so..

I always told my mother WHERE I was.. Even when I didn't live at home any more.. I could be in Sound Factory/Pacha/Limelight ect for 17hrs but did she didn't know what was going on inside..

My parents are from the era where you could leave your purse on the table and no one woudl touch it in a club...


I also think alot of parents turn their face the other way when it comes to specific drugs.. Pot for example they think isn't so bad..
a drug is a drug is a drug...

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

This does scare me, though not so terribly right now since DS is only 6 months. I worry more about illnesses, accidents in the home, lead paint, etc. than partying at this point. But this will be a concern one day, and as a fairly serious former teen partier, I know what goes on and feel fortunate to have suffered no serious repercussions of those days myself.

I plan to keep talking to my son when he's older and encourage his dad to do the same. We hope to have family dinners at least a few nights a week so there is some point when we all sit down and talk. I also plan to encourage him in activities, whatever interests him--music, sports, etc.

But there is no guarantee that despite our best efforts, DS will avoid this. I'm sure he will party at some point, to some degree, I just hope whatever he does is minimal and does not involve a car, etc.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

Message edited 6/24/2008 10:08:43 AM.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

Sad story

It all comes down to supervision IMO. If the homeowners (parents) would have not allowed a party to happen at their home with drugs and drinking, this very well may never have happened to this girl. Perhaps they didn't know there were drugs, but had they taken a walk out to the garage and checked in every 20 minutes or so...

If every single parent supervised their children, I think there would be a lot less of this garbage going around. When I was a teen, my mom checked up on me and made sure I KNEW she was going to check up on me and I better have been where I said I would be or I was grounded, my car was taken away, etc.

Message edited 6/24/2008 10:11:11 AM.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

Posted by Summerrluvv

Sad story

It all comes down to supervision IMO. If the homeowners (parents) would have not allowed a party to happen at their home with drugs and drinking, this very well may never have happened to this girl. Perhaps they didn't know there were drugs, but had they have taken a walk out to the garage and checked in every 20 minutes or so...

If every single parent supervised their children, I think there would be a lot less of this garbage going around. When I was a teen, my mom checked up on me and made sure I KNEW she was going to check up on me and I better have been where I said I would be or I was grounded, my car was taken away, etc.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

Posted by Summerrluvv

Sad story

It all comes down to supervision IMO. If the homeowners (parents) would have not allowed a party to happen at their home with drugs and drinking, this very well may never have happened to this girl. Perhaps they didn't know there were drugs, but had they taken a walk out to the garage and checked in every 20 minutes or so...

If every single parent supervised their children, I think there would be a lot less of this garbage going around. When I was a teen, my mom checked up on me and made sure I KNEW she was going to check up on me and I better have been where I said I would be or I was grounded, my car was taken away, etc.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

I came from a home of VERY strict parents so my discussion with DH on this came to this:

As a 17/18 yr old, I was not allowed out past 11pm and my butt was picked up!
My parents would not be worrying about me, they knew I was home.

I didnt like it then but look back and say, THANK YOU and hope that I can do the same with DD.


I also heard that this girl had a history of drug abuse and was in rehab. There was trouble prior and the parents knew.
Just sad...so young.

Message edited 6/24/2008 10:21:07 AM.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

I read the thread on NFR and honestly, this story terrifies me. I remember when I was a teenager...as strict and tough as my mother was, I knew how to work her. I knew how to cover my tracks. At 18, I dropped out of college 3 semesters in a row and my parents had no clue! I wasn't into drugs so they had nothing to worry about on that front - I had a cousin who got into trouble when I was only 12 so that was enough to keep me straight. It's so scary.

ETA: I think having an early curfew helped to keep me in line - there wasn't enough time to get drunk and get sober before I got home. But what is really the answer? Because if you're too lenient your kids are crazy and get into everything and if you're too strict they rebel and get into everything anyway.

Message edited 6/24/2008 10:25:47 AM.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

being in GA, I've got no clue. With that being said....I think ALOT of it is parent involvement (both DH and I think this) and parents SHOULD NOT be friends with their kids. There MUST be some fear involved as well as respect that goes both ways.

Idle threats....MUST be followed through, or the kid realizes that the parent will never do what they say they will do. So why should they listen?

We're going to adopt DH family policy of an open door to the friends as they get older. I'd rather my kids hang out in my house till 3 am so I know where they are.

As for drugs and drinking....we got a ways to go.

ETA: down here, counties have CURFEWS FOR TEENAGERS AND if they kid has bad grades, they are not permitted to get their license.

Message edited 6/24/2008 10:28:39 AM.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

I always had to call my mom 100x (and still do lol) but that didn't stop me from going out and drinking and whatnot.

I - to this day - still remember my parents expressions on their face when they picked me up at jail - when I got arrested for DUI. They saw me in handcuffs - and looking back now- that had to have killed them inside.

The second I was released my father grabbed me - by my hair in front of everyone and kept saying "you are so stupid. You think you're so smart - but you are so stupid" -- and I was. I endangered not only myself - but everyone else who was on the road while I was driving.

As teenagers - you think you are invincible. You don't think of the repercussions or what can really happen. I just hope that somehow I can teach Jack what can happen - and that it has life altering effects.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

Posted by Diana1215

I always had to call my mom 100x (and still do lol) but that didn't stop me from going out and drinking and whatnot.

I - to this day - still remember my parents expressions on their face when they picked me up at jail - when I got arrested for DUI. They saw me in handcuffs - and looking back now- that had to have killed them inside.

The second I was released my father grabbed me - by my hair in front of everyone and kept saying "you are so stupid. You think you're so smart - but you are so stupid" -- and I was. I endangered not only myself - but everyone else who was on the road while I was driving.

As teenagers - you think you are invincible. You don't think of the repercussions or what can really happen. I just hope that somehow I can teach Jack what can happen - and that it has life altering effects.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

Posted by cjik

Posted by Summerrluvv

Sad story

It all comes down to supervision IMO. If the homeowners (parents) would have not allowed a party to happen at their home with drugs and drinking, this very well may never have happened to this girl. Perhaps they didn't know there were drugs, but had they taken a walk out to the garage and checked in every 20 minutes or so...

If every single parent supervised their children, I think there would be a lot less of this garbage going around. When I was a teen, my mom checked up on me and made sure I KNEW she was going to check up on me and I better have been where I said I would be or I was grounded, my car was taken away, etc.

No offense, but I don't agree that this always prevents these tragedies. It helps certainly, but it doesn't always prevent them.

My parents checked up on me a lot, and I was on a pretty tight curfew, grounded, etc. I still managed to find and use drugs here and there though--never anything too serious, but I did dabble. Also some drinking. Unless parents don't ever allow their teens to leave the house, it happens.

Message edited 6/24/2008 10:39:12 AM.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

I wasn't having sex at 12 like you hear so much of nowadays but I was pretty much doing all kinds of stuff in high school, probably on a par with stuff that is going on now except it was a LONG LONG time ago. I agree about the supervision bc while my parents might like to say they knew what was going on, LMAO, they had no clue. They were so not involved. Which of course scares the h*ll out of me as a parent now. My kids are small but i worry practically every day about them and ever letting them have an ounce of freedom as they get older. And I fear not being current enough with the latest thing or newest technology to be on top of it. I don't doubt that most teenagers know a lot about being sneaky - I certainly did. My one SIL's kids are all older (17, 22 & 24) and she did an awesome job - my nephew was often uninvited to parties bc his Mom might show up. Good for her! All 3 have great heads on their shoulders. My niece has so much self confidence and self awareness when she was a teenager, more than I ever had. I hope somehow to have what my SIL did rub off on me.

I so don't want to hear these stories or hear other things from parents about what is going on in the schools and with teens today - it's so depressing - but you can't keep your head in the sand, even when you kids are small, KWIM?

I was looking at my kids last night, so innocent and I was in tears, as I am many nights, fearing for their futures. I was especially saddened by the story of this girl. Whatever she was doing (I saw the myspace page too), she didn't deserve that. My heart goes out to her parents.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

I didn't know she went to rehab. I think what it really comes down to is to try to instill your values in your child as early as possible & keep it up.

The fact that her parents knew about it & put her in rehab tells me that they were aware of the problem & acted on it.

I learned firsthand that you cannot stop someone from doing drugs who chooses to do them. Anyone who has dealt with addiction will tell you the same thing.

As for your kids, you can ground them, you can never let them out of the house - but they go to school & see their friends. Throughout HS, my DH was grounded more than he wasn't. The only thing that did was when he did get out, he made sure it was worth his while because he knew he was going to be grounded the following night.

As I said I don't know the answers but unless you are going to handcuff your teenager to your wrist (which doesn't sound so bad now that I've thought of it), eventually they will meet up with friends. We just have to hope they are the right type of friends.

Re: I'm surprised we don't have a thread on this here - girl who died in Seaford

Well, I have first hand experience because I have younger brothers and sisters still in high school.

My sisters both have a problem with drugs and drinking and I believe its the people they hang out with. Most parents do know that they are partying and do nothing. Some pretend they don't notice, some allow them to smoke weed and drink at their houses. Very rarely do any of their friends get in trouble for their esacapades.

I think the way to avoid this is to be firm about not allowing your child to be friends with the wrong crowd. My paretns would just let my sisters be friends with anyone. Even if they didn't like the kid or my sisters always got in trouble with them, they still saw each other.

I plan on making sure my kids don't hang out with the wrong crowd. If I were these parents I would be checking their myspace, diary, etc. and will look at their frind's myspace pages as well/