In-Law Vent (and q)! UGH!

ok. so less than a year ago, BIL and his wife and DS and I agreed to become legal guardians of each other's kid. now.. fast foward to today..

about a couple of months ago, we were all at a friend's place for dinner. BIL & SIL are very on-point when it comes to their son's sleep schedule. they rarely go anywhere due to it. while having dinner, part of the conversation was on why they wouldn't be able to make it to a party or having to leave early due to their son's sleep schedule. my son was trying to get my attention and i kept on rolling my eyes at him. SIL caught this and she thought i did it because i disapproved of her parenting skills. BIL later called my husband at work adn told him how upset they both were. not before telling him to keep it a secret from me. sheesh! DH may be BIL's brother but come on! dumbarse! anyway, BIL then proceeds to tell dh that my MIL asked SIL's mom why is it that she rarely takes her son out adn about. so now SIL thinks i'm in cahoots with my MIL. first of all, i haven't talked to MIL in about a year. second, i hate MIL. so i know SIL's tripping!

this is just a bit of what i'm venting out. there's just one too many things that's irritating me about them two. so now dh and i aren't too keen on them taking our son under their care. they're just too an8l about everything. dh and i are more easy-going in comparison. we want our son to be open to many and different things. but with BIL & SIL's personality.. i think they'll just hinder him.

DH and I do agree that things seem to be getting worse. and all under a misunderstanding. i would like to say something but i'm apparently am not suppose to know all this. it's all ridiculous. if we tell BIL & SIL that we are recanting our decision that totally and will definitely cause a rift.

ugh! what to friggin do??!

Message edited 3/3/2008 12:10:49 PM.

Re: In-Law Vent (and q)! UGH!

So sorry!

Sounds a huge assumption and misunderstanding on your BIL and SIL's part. She should have said something to you right then and there about why you were rolling your eyes. I would have

I'd be the bigger person though, i'd invite BIL and SIL over for dinner and explain the whole misunderstanding and explain you WOULD never judge their parenting skills.

IMO if they are good people and you trust them with the care of your DC if something happens, then I wouldn't change anything just because they are more anal with parenting. They might think you are too lax but wouldn't trust anyone else with the care of their kids if something happened. That trust to me would overrule any other little nuance parents have.

So sorry! Family is the best and worst at times.

Re: In-Law Vent (and q)! UGH!

Posted by sweetness

So sorry!

Sounds a huge assumption and misunderstanding on your BIL and SIL's part. She should have said something to you right then and there about why you were rolling your eyes. I would have

I'd be the bigger person though, i'd invite BIL and SIL over for dinner and explain the whole misunderstanding and explain you WOULD never judge their parenting skills.

IMO if they are good people and you trust them with the care of your DC if something happens, then I wouldn't change anything just because they are more anal with parenting. They might think you are too lax but wouldn't trust anyone else with the care of their kids if something happened. That trust to me would overrule any other little nuance parents have.

So sorry! Family is the best and worst at times.

Re: In-Law Vent (and q)! UGH!

I agree to have BIL & SIL over to clear up any misunderstanding.

Actually you are judging your BIL & SIL's parenting - and you should. After all, each side is going to entrust each other with the care of most important people in their lives.

We grappled with guardianship of our kids. It was a huge decision to make. I'm never going to find someone who will raise my kids exactly as I want them raised. What we did do is find a couple with similar values & a huge heart. One that would understand what's important for us & with enough understanding to deal with the ILs that come along with taking on that responsbility.

Looking at the bigger picture, being on a strict schedule or a little anal about my children isn't such a big deal to me. If it goes against your very core, than yes..it's time to rethink your choice.

Re: In-Law Vent (and q)! UGH!

i would ask them over for breakfast, lunch or dinner but seriously.. it's the sleep schedule. i would go over but i'm afraid she might feel bombarded and thrown off. because she doesn't know BIL's venting to my husband. the brothers should just keep things to themselves. but at the same time, this is too important. a misunderstanding will always be blown out of proportion. esp kept under wraps. we def need to come up w the best plan of action that will benefit us all. ugh! why must family be so hard?! i feel so stuck!

Posted by sweetness

So sorry!

Sounds a huge assumption and misunderstanding on your BIL and SIL's part. She should have said something to you right then and there about why you were rolling your eyes. I would have

I'd be the bigger person though, i'd invite BIL and SIL over for dinner and explain the whole misunderstanding and explain you WOULD never judge their parenting skills.

IMO if they are good people and you trust them with the care of your DC if something happens, then I wouldn't change anything just because they are more anal with parenting. They might think you are too lax but wouldn't trust anyone else with the care of their kids if something happened. That trust to me would overrule any other little nuance parents have.

So sorry! Family is the best and worst at times.

Re: In-Law Vent (and q)! UGH!

I would say something like, "we'd love to have you over this weekend. We have no plans, so whatever time works for you is good for us." Maybe the whole situation doesn't even need to be discussed. just get together and have a good time. If it's brought up, explain that you were not judging them and you're sorry she misinterpreted you.

Re: In-Law Vent (and q)! UGH!

we wanted family to take over as guardians. we felt BIL & SIL had teh best overall values. their son's only 7mos older than our ds. he'll have a 'brother' and may share similarities. both BIL & SIL are well educated, BIL has a very good job. are family oriented. but due to recent many tedious upsets, it's quite distracting when it comes to our true goal.

so now we're rethinking our selection. we've always had another couple in mind. they're great but they're not family. i do want our ds to keep in close touch with family members.

this is just SOOOOO effing stressful!

Re: In-Law Vent (and q)! UGH!

I would try to ease the present situation before making any long term decisions. I know it can be stressful. We still haven't decided on who the right guardian for DS.

Re: In-Law Vent (and q)! UGH!

thank you all for letting me yell out loud. dh and i will have to think of the best plan of action. hopefully, this problem will play its course and never return.

by the way.. any more advice is still welcome! thanks a zill, all!!!!!!!

Re: In-Law Vent (and q)! UGH!

The decision for us about guardenship all came down to: who can provide my children with a similar home life and values? That turned out to be close friends, and not a family member.
You can always change your Will.

I would, however, call my SIL and explain the situation. I would not want them mad at me for no reason.

Re: In-Law Vent (and q)! UGH!

we're considering DH's close friend and his wife. they're really great people. Nice, educated, family oriented, loving, open, funny, realistic.. and i can see them accepting ds with a full heart. the only reason why we held back is because they're not family. that's the only absolute reason. although it's not a gigantic concern of mine, it is for my DH. but given what's been going on, his perception has changed. i'm also afraid that they won't want us to take their son out of retaliation (sp?). i can see this happening. which is kinda petty. but whatever their reason may be, it's their decision. we'll accept that.
going through this stupid sh1t is really clouding my judgement. my number one concern is for my DS. i don't want to make the wrong decision and right about now.. i'm not sure what's right.