Insert foot in mouth?

..there is no icon for that one, is there?



here's my list of "crimes":
-slower vaccine schedule
-no flu shot this year
-no swine flu shot
-sometimes he doesn't wear socks
-sometimes he goes barefoot in the grass
-I allow him to walk around stores (or, you know, kinda run...)
-If eating peanutbutter off of a matchbox car makes him happy, I've been known to look the other way. Once. Maybe twice.
-I've given up on those grocery cart covers, exposing him to tons of germs.
...and a whole bunch of other things.

(just so no one thinks I feel I have a glowing record; I definately do not and will be the first to admit it!)

Message edited 1/20/2010 8:49:35 AM.

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

I agree that smoking around or in in sight of your kids is not a good thing.

I think that parents that don't make sure infants toddlers are getting the right amount of sleep are also not doing the right thing for their kids. It has such a profound affect on their health and intelligence.

The other for me is food. I've seen people feed chicken nuggets and fries night after night, it boggles my mind. I know parents who's 2 year old is still on bottles and almost only drinks milk and barely eats otherwise. Their DC barely talks and I'm worried about their development. I've given some input and gentle suggestions but its been ignored so I've kind of backed away.

All in all, I can't say any of those make a parent a bad parent. We all make mistakes, yell on occasion and have our own bad habits we'd prefer not to see in our kids. I find parenting to be a learning process with quite a bit of trial and error.

To me truly bad parents neglect or abuse their kids.

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

Parents that scream at their kids in public.

NEVER in my life did my mother scream at any of us in public, although sometimes we deserved it. We'd get "THE LOOK" and know to cut it out bc there was going to be a tonguelashing in the car.

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

definitely the smoking thing....

and people that have absolutely NO control of their kids. dave is astounded on a regular basis how many kids just RUN around his store (he works at an appliance store) and open and close the doors of things and break things & their parents don't even blink...

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

The smoking thing drives me CRAZY, especially when I see them smoking in the car with them

When I was teaching, I couldn't help but judge the parents who never came to a conference, avoided my calls at all costs and those who never checked their child's folder!

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

to me bad parents are the ones that dont dicipline and set boundaries for their children. An old friend of mine had two children who got whatever they wanted. they would kick and scream and throw a tantrum and she would always cave. All I kept thinking (while keeping my mouth shut) was what spoiled brats these kids were going to grow up to be and how she was doing a terrible dis-service to them. and like the pp, dont get me started on what she fed them....no...oreos, kraft mac and cheese, and frozen dinners just because you kid wants them is completely unacceptable in my book. You need to be the bad guy once in a while in order for your children to grow up to be respectful, healthy, productive members of society.

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

I saw a woman at the mall (Roosevelt Field) letting what looked like a 1.5 year old teeter down the stairs, by himself. I almost had a heart attack. I wanted to run and carry him down. He must have been about 8 steps up. Why risk him falling?!?!?

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

nothing! I no longer judge other parents! Most parents try their best.

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

I dont know...

Ive been a parent for so long that Im sure Ive made a ton of mistakes. Im sure that at some point someone would have looked at something that I have done and judged me as being a bad parent.

When push comes to shove I have raised some really good kids. They are well mannered, polite, sincere, hard working, kind, compassionate, etc (Of course there are exceptions at any given moment..they are, after all...children)

With all of that said..I refuse to pass quick judgements about people who may be simply having a bad day...

I do, however, know a few people whom I consider to be bad parents. They show a pattern of behaviour that has proven to me that they arent taking their child/s best interest to heart.

In most of these cases these parents are guilty of emotional abuse.....

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

I don't necessarily feel that certain people are bad parents, but sometimes it's easy to see where certain undesirable behavior stems from. We have friends who don't really discipline their children - they come to visit and their kids run around our house. Their 1 year old was banging on our DVD player with a toy one day and it didn't work after they left... Seems to me it's easy enough to remove the child from the situation when they're that little. They also fed them all sorts of salty things - cured meats and cheeses - from a very young age and their oldest ended up on an IV not once but twice because of dehydration!

But I think a lot of what seems like bad parenting is just people trying to find their way. There's so much information on parenting out there that it's easy to get confused. Someone here mentioned sleeping - my 6 month old DS has just started STTN due to CIO. Now that he is on a good schedule of naps and nighttime sleep, it's pretty clear that he wasn't getting enough sleep before, but I was told that he was too young for CIO and had been sick, so over a period of time bad habits have formed....

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

I would never judge anyone else as being a bad parent, just because you see a tiny little snapshot of someones life at the mall, doesn't mean that they are bad parents, its a tiny infinitesimal moment of their life where they may be making a bad choice, or showing bad judgement, but we all do that from time to time.

Don't get me wrong, people who abuse their kids etc yes, I would consider them to be bad parents, but I would hate to think that because someone saw me shouting at my kid in the mall (which surely we have all done once in our lives) they would think I was a bad parent. Live and let live I say.

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

I learned early on you never know what is going in someone else's lives. There have been moments that I have picked up DD, threw her over my shoulder, literally, kicking and screaming, literally. One time someone asked me what was wrong. I told them I zipped up DD's jaclket in the winter and she didn't want me to. But I swear, the way she screamed, someone must have thought I was abusing her.

One day I was at the library when Jordana was about 1 year on a Sat. morning. There was a mom with two little ones clearly losing her patience. She took them to the bathroom. As soon as they came back, one kid said- well now I have to go. Mom was frustrated and snapping at the kids.

So I began to engage one of the children and got her to read with me and DD. Then our kids were playing together. Mom told me she has 3 kids under 3 and the baby didn't sleep the nigth before. She was exhausted. Once she got to vent to me, I saw her mood change so much.

We all have our moments. It doesn't make us "bad parents".

That said, for some reason, it bugs me when I see parents pushing a stroller with an Ipod when their kids are awake. It doesn't make me think they are bad parents, but its something I'd never do.

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

I am glad those moms were outdoors and not in the car....let's give them that...

When someone smokes while pregnant, while BFing, and while holding their NB/baby/toddler and complains about the constant trips to the dr b/c of ear infections!!!!

When a parent always has their cigarettes but claims not to have $ for something for their child like glasses!

When a parent is going on a second honeymoon but their kids (ages 6 and 3) don't get to leave the house unless someone else takes them somewhere

I am no longer friends with this "parent" and I miss those poor kids and hope to god they are doing OK.

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

Honestly, I think this thread while probably not intended that way, is really going to upset people.

We ALL have done things that someone will judge. As parents or not.

There is no need to point fingers and be reminded that someone going to judge us.

For example, if I say that CIO is horrible, what am I really saying? That people are bad parents for doing it. While I don't mean to hurt people, it surely will upset some people here. Hence I am not sure of the purpose of a thread that could contribute to just upset people.

I am sure you did not mean to start drama but your thread while not intented that way is certainly going to raise eyebrows and is a huge red flag for drama.

Sorry! I am just being honest.

ETA: the example of kids out of control. What the heck do I know about a snap shot of a kid behaving "wildly"? Maybe I don't know if the child has behavioral issues that the parents are already stressed out about and trying to fix.

Message edited 1/20/2010 7:28:21 AM.

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

The parents that have noo control over their kids whatsoever.

A dear friend of mine came out with us to dinner the other night at friendlys and thought it was ok for her son to litterally run around the place the whole time. He's almost 2 years old and I was like do you want a highchair for him and she's like no, he won't sit in it anyways so we don't bother. I just let him run around, he can't open up the doors yet so he's kind of confined in here.

To me, I was shocked and if i was any of the patrons at the other tables i would have been complaining about this little boy running around wild and crazy, but her answer is well we just let him do what he wants.

I know my kids would never be able to act like that. And I always get compliments on how well behaved my kids are, that it just floors me to see how some of my friends let their kids just run wild.

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

The only way I'll say someone is a "bad" parent is regarding emotional/physical abuse. With everything else, I wouldn't say bad, I'd say "misinformed".

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by hbugal

I dont know...

Ive been a parent for so long that Im sure Ive made a ton of mistakes. Im sure that at some point someone would have looked at something that I have done and judged me as being a bad parent.

When push comes to shove I have raised some really good kids. They are well mannered, polite, sincere, hard working, kind, compassionate, etc (Of course there are exceptions at any given moment..they are, after all...children)

With all of that said..I refuse to pass quick judgements about people who may be simply having a bad day...

I do, however, know a few people whom I consider to be bad parents. They show a pattern of behaviour that has proven to me that they arent taking their child/s best interest to heart.

In most of these cases these parents are guilty of emotional abuse.....

I agree with this...

It kinda makes me sad that if someone saw my DH walking with my son and he was smoking (b/c he does) someone would assume that he was a bad parent

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

I really have to at the topic of this thread

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

Message edited 1/20/2010 8:15:19 AM.

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

Well, that's why I put "bad" in quotes, because while you may judge them, you do not really know if they are good or bad just by what you see for a brief second...and I think most parents try their best and are decent.

I know I've done *tons* of things people would judge.

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?

Posted by chelle

I really have to at the topic of this thread