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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?
A lot of moms here would dislike me if I were to reveal my thoughts on bad parenting so I am pleading the fifth. I also think that before this gets to 6 pages of people going back and forth over good vs. bad, that maybe the thread SHOULD be pulled. Im not getting a good feeling at all.
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Posted 1/20/10 8:37 AM  |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?
Posted by rileysmama
Well, that's why I put "bad" in quotes, because while you may judge them, you do not really know if they are good or bad just by what you see for a brief second...and I think most parents try their best and are decent.
I know I've done *tons* of things people would judge.
Yeah...that was the title, but it most definitely was not the subject of the post....
Like I said earlier, my DH smokes, he tries not to around DS, but he has, and I'm sure he will again..
Another example was a DC eating chicken nuggets nad fries every night, yep, my DS eats them 6 nights out of 7.
I honestly, truly believe that it is unfair to judge a parent based on things like this. We provide a loving home for our DC, what does it matter if someone smokes to relieve their stress or if the child eats chicken nuggets?
It is really unfair and makes me sad
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| Posted 1/20/10 8:38 AM |
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rileysmama
needing a vacation..!
Member since 10/09 2162 total posts
Name:
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Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?
Posted by JennZ
Posted by rileysmama
Well, that's why I put "bad" in quotes, because while you may judge them, you do not really know if they are good or bad just by what you see for a brief second...and I think most parents try their best and are decent.
I know I've done *tons* of things people would judge.
right, but using YOUR example I am a "bad" parent. I smoke, and YES I will push my kids stroller and smoke. So I am "bad" in your eyes. I think the topic is just going to cause issues with a lot of people. So, maybe just pull the thread. Because yes, I was offended by the smoking comment.
I do not think your bad. I judged in that specific moment, which was brief as I was getting into my car at the mall, but I do not think I am a better or worse parent than the next. I didn't like the feeling of being judgemental, as I'm usually not. I'm sorry if I offended you. 
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| Posted 1/20/10 8:40 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: What are some things you see parents do that makes you judge them as "bad" parents?
I really do see where rileysmama is coming from - she was simply stating that in that moment, she was judgmental, and it made her feel bad! This is a great opportunity (even if the thread gets pulled) for all of us to stop and think of something that we were once judgmental about, and next time remember that the person you may be judging is a friend, or a mother or father, who is a really great parent and just trying their best.
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| Posted 1/20/10 8:44 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by rileysmama
..there is no icon for that one, is there?
I know you didn't mean to start drama (so far you haven't come across as that kind of person  )
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| Posted 1/20/10 8:44 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by KateDevine
It kinda makes me sad that if someone saw my DH walking with my son and he was smoking (b/c he does) someone would assume that he was a bad parent
I agree, OR if someone saw me disciplining (yelling, raising my voice, whatever) my child, that they would judge me
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| Posted 1/20/10 8:49 AM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
After reading these responses, I can only say one thing. I now want chicken nuggets and french fries. And yes, its only 8:50am. Don't judge
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| Posted 1/20/10 8:50 AM |
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rileysmama
needing a vacation..!
Member since 10/09 2162 total posts
Name:
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by rileysmama
..there is no icon for that one, is there?
I know you didn't mean to start drama (so far you haven't come across as that kind of person )
Thanks!
My flaw is that I'm easy to change my mind after hearing the other side of things, and can sometimes see all different angles..and I love open discussions.
Thank you for not thinking I'm a dramamama!
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| Posted 1/20/10 8:52 AM |
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
I also feel that sometimes we judge before getting to that parenting point.
Ex - mom of newborn - "I'd NEVER let my 2 year old run around like that!!"
Oh really?? Just wait.
Mom of 6 month old - "my DD wil NEVER watch TV!!"
Guess what allows you to get dinner made every night? Yup, Dora followed by Diego. DC chills and you can cook safely and patiently. Plus she picks up a ton of vocabulary you never thought she knew.
So....until you have walked a mile in another's shoes....
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| Posted 1/20/10 8:54 AM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Also, sometimes the things you "never" said you were going to do, and really DIDN'T do, with your first child, fall by the wayside when you have your second.
I breastfed my first DC, fed him only organic babyfood, and did not let him watch TV till he was over 1 year old. I was very "passionate" (read: smug and judgmental) about these things. Parents who did not do these things were "lazy" and didn't want "the best" for their kids.
So far this morning, my younger DC has chugged down her bottle of formula, ate her non-organic applesauce and oatmeal, and enjoyed an episode of Olivia along with her older brother. So much for my passionate stand on things....
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| Posted 1/20/10 9:07 AM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by brownie
After reading these responses, I can only say one thing. I now want chicken nuggets and french fries. And yes, its only 8:50am. Don't judge
My son does too
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| Posted 1/20/10 9:07 AM |
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JP826
=)
Member since 9/06 10903 total posts
Name:
Me!! All about ME!
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by karacg
I also feel that sometimes we judge before getting to that parenting point.
Ex - mom of newborn - "I'd NEVER let my 2 year old run around like that!!"
Oh really?? Just wait.
Mom of 6 month old - "my DD wil NEVER watch TV!!"
Guess what allows you to get dinner made every night? Yup, Dora followed by Diego. DC chills and you can cook safely and patiently. Plus she picks up a ton of vocabulary you never thought she knew.
So....until you have walked a mile in another's shoes....
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I love you!
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| Posted 1/20/10 9:14 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by jellybean1420
Posted by leighdvm
The only way I'll say someone is a "bad" parent is regarding emotional/physical abuse. With everything else, I wouldn't say bad, I'd say "misinformed".
I agree with Liza! To me a bad parent is someone who emotionally/mentally/physically neglects or abuses their children.
ETA: Why someone would think that because a parent smokes or because their kids can't sit at a restaurant dinner table or because their kids may be "wild" that they are bad parents is beyond me??? I dont really think that is a fair judgment being you dont know everyone's circumstances.
Even if a child can't sit at a restaurant table and the child is happy, healthy and thriving the parents are doing something right.
I kind of agree with this. My kids are only 14 months old and they have temper tantrums, scream in public(cry etc) and we are tough with them! If they fight over toys-we take them away, we don't cater to their every need. I think the issue is when a child is "young" lets say under 4 or 5-they have their own personalities and it is hard to rationalize with them. I don't think someone should be judged for this sort of behavior as a bad parent.
Now on the other hand-if my child is in a restaurant and they make a scene or are being too loud for the environment-it is my job to remove them
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| Posted 1/20/10 9:17 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by karacg
I also feel that sometimes we judge before getting to that parenting point.
Ex - mom of newborn - "I'd NEVER let my 2 year old run around like that!!"
Oh really?? Just wait.
Mom of 6 month old - "my DD wil NEVER watch TV!!"
Guess what allows you to get dinner made every night? Yup, Dora followed by Diego. DC chills and you can cook safely and patiently. Plus she picks up a ton of vocabulary you never thought she knew.
So....until you have walked a mile in another's shoes....
Kara I was just thinking about this the other day. One of the things I always said was I would not be quiet while my children are asleep. I think I am posting a spinoff
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| Posted 1/20/10 9:18 AM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by karacg
I also feel that sometimes we judge before getting to that parenting point.
Ex - mom of newborn - "I'd NEVER let my 2 year old run around like that!!"
Oh really?? Just wait.
Mom of 6 month old - "my DD wil NEVER watch TV!!"
Guess what allows you to get dinner made every night? Yup, Dora followed by Diego. DC chills and you can cook safely and patiently. Plus she picks up a ton of vocabulary you never thought she knew.
So....until you have walked a mile in another's shoes....
and Im going to admit, while pregnant with DS I was saying "Oh the TV will be OFF!" "Ooh Im NOT gonna let him do that"...
Ummmm 3 years later, guess what? All those "Im not going to let him...." I think he's done..
Oooh and he eats waffles, grilled cheese or chix nug for dinner pretty much thru out the week!
One person that is very close to me does smoke. She goes outside ALL the time (could be a blizzard). Comes right in scrubs her hands and continues on.
Never ever smokes in the car with her child or mine.
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| Posted 1/20/10 9:23 AM |
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by GaryElla
Posted by 5ofClubs
nothing! I no longer judge other parents! Most parents try their best.
I agree!
ITA I think sometimes we are so quick to judge other parents but have no idea their circumstance or situation. I am sure we could all correct some of our own behaviors. Like I tell DH everybody parents diffrently and what I feel is right may be right maybe wrong in others eyes. I look in the mirror before I look to anyone else. After all we all have the same goal right?
Message edited 1/20/2010 9:42:16 AM.
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| Posted 1/20/10 9:38 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by computergirl
Also, sometimes the things you "never" said you were going to do, and really DIDN'T do, with your first child, fall by the wayside when you have your second.
I breastfed my first DC, fed him only organic babyfood, and did not let him watch TV till he was over 1 year old. I was very "passionate" (read: smug and judgmental) about these things. Parents who did not do these things were "lazy" and didn't want "the best" for their kids.
So far this morning, my younger DC has chugged down her bottle of formula, ate her non-organic applesauce and oatmeal, and enjoyed an episode of Olivia along with her older brother. So much for my passionate stand on things....
You know I want to address this because I do feed my kids organic and I feed them well. I am passionate about it(for MY children) but do not feel I am smug and judgmental. However-I do feel if you say something like thatfor example someone says so what did your kid have for breakfast etc.-even when asked that people get pissy.
Mostly because they feel it is an instant judgment I think...an internal one I guess. If someone else wans to feed their kids chicken nuggets and fries more power to them. I do not look down on them whatsoever. I worry about my own and let others worry about theirs
Message edited 1/20/2010 9:44:01 AM.
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| Posted 1/20/10 9:43 AM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by karacg
I also feel that sometimes we judge before getting to that parenting point.
Ex - mom of newborn - "I'd NEVER let my 2 year old run around like that!!"
Oh really?? Just wait.
Mom of 6 month old - "my DD wil NEVER watch TV!!"
Guess what allows you to get dinner made every night? Yup, Dora followed by Diego. DC chills and you can cook safely and patiently. Plus she picks up a ton of vocabulary you never thought she knew.
So....until you have walked a mile in another's shoes....
As a Mom to a son who at 2years old would hardly sit stil anywhere I say
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| Posted 1/20/10 9:45 AM |
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sweetie
Member since 8/06 1730 total posts
Name:
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Message edited 3/5/2010 1:40:07 PM.
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| Posted 1/20/10 10:36 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
I don't think anyone can argue that it's NOT ideal to smoke around ANYONE..let alone children.
but smoking is an ADDICTION and sometimes you NEED to smoke and you are with your kid...
what is worse, having a nicotine fit and yelling at them b/c you are testy...OR...smoking while they are with you but trying to direct the smoke away? I don't know. I personally HATE cigarette smoke (I am allergic) but the kid doesn't deserve either..
being good to both yourself AND your kid would be to quit, but it's not like going on a diet or quitting your job. it's extremely hard.
anyway, I do things for my son now and plan to do things in the future (even though I know all about the best laid plans) that I feed EXTREMELY passionate..relating to what he eats, when he eats, what he plays with, what he does.
if that comes off as smug or whathaveyou...there is nothing I can do about that...b/c that comes from how someone ELSE receives what I say/do...and that is on them.
I admit that I hate when kids only eat certain things or are entertained in ways that I don't like...
that doesn't mean though that the parents love it or don't care...what I take it to mean is that this is the BEST of the situation they are in. maybe their kid will ONLY eat nuggets and fries or they go on a hunger strike...is it better to let them starve? what if they bang their head against the floor if you turn off the tv?? what is better, Dora or a concussion??
so basically, I TRY not to judge one situation over another...b/c I have NO IDEA about the next situation I myself my find myself in.
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| Posted 1/20/10 10:59 AM |
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bellaro
LIF Adult
Member since 7/06 927 total posts
Name:
Rosalia
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
I truly can Not judge im a new mommy and im sure im not perfect.. im sure i do somethings that i shouldn't ..
Like
1- too much baby eistein I cant help it he lovesssss it ..
2 i put him to sleep in my arms thats the only only only way he goes to sleep .
3- he wakes up like a million times in the middle of the night so i pick him up and put him on my chest and he can sleep for HOURS on end. ( which gives me some Sleep ) LOL
Message edited 1/20/2010 11:06:12 AM.
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| Posted 1/20/10 11:06 AM |
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My4GirlsMyLife
My 4 girlies
Member since 2/08 9702 total posts
Name:
Valerie
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by JennZ
Posted by rileysmama
Well, that's why I put "bad" in quotes, because while you may judge them, you do not really know if they are good or bad just by what you see for a brief second...and I think most parents try their best and are decent.
I know I've done *tons* of things people would judge.
right, but using YOUR example I am a "bad" parent. I smoke, and YES I will push my kids stroller and smoke. So I am "bad" in your eyes. I think the topic is just going to cause issues with a lot of people. So, maybe just pull the thread. Because yes, I was offended by the smoking comment.
Same here !
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| Posted 1/20/10 11:08 AM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by Goldi0218
A lot of moms here would dislike me if I were to reveal my thoughts on bad parenting so I am pleading the fifth. I also think that before this gets to 6 pages of people going back and forth over good vs. bad, that maybe the thread SHOULD be pulled. Im not getting a good feeling at all.
ITA!
(though i'm indifferent about it being pulled... if this one doesn't turn into a crappy thread, another one will anyway)
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| Posted 1/20/10 11:17 AM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by rileysmama
..there is no icon for that one, is there?
here's my list of "crimes":
-slower vaccine schedule
-no flu shot this year
-no swine flu shot
-sometimes he doesn't wear socks
-sometimes he goes barefoot in the grass
-I allow him to walk around stores (or, you know, kinda run...)
-If eating peanutbutter off of a matchbox car makes him happy, I've been known to look the other way. Once. Maybe twice.
-I've given up on those grocery cart covers, exposing him to tons of germs.
...and a whole bunch of other things.
(just so no one thinks I feel I have a glowing record; I definately do not and will be the first to admit it!)
You know I have an icon for everything.... 
Luckily, I'm perfect, as are my DC....
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| Posted 1/20/10 11:18 AM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Insert foot in mouth?
Posted by teddysmama1021
Posted by GaryElla
Posted by 5ofClubs
nothing! I no longer judge other parents! Most parents try their best.
I agree!
ITA I think sometimes we are so quick to judge other parents but have no idea their circumstance or situation. I am sure we could all correct some of our own behaviors. Like I tell DH everybody parents diffrently and what I feel is right may be right maybe wrong in others eyes. I look in the mirror before I look to anyone else. After all we all have the same goal right?
I agree. None of us is perfect...what may be important to you as a parent may not be as important to me. Chances are unless you are the rare parent that puts your childs life at risk or are verbally/physically or emotionally abusive to your child...you most likely want the same for your child as I do for mine...to be healthy, happy and successful in life so who am I to judge?
Message edited 1/20/2010 11:45:30 AM.
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| Posted 1/20/10 11:44 AM |
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