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MrsPJB2007
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Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
So I was just watching a talk show on tv--and they were talking about a rather interesting case of sperm donorship....
A woman who is a lesbian decides to ask her best friend to donate sperm we'll call her Jane...as she and her partner want to have a baby. They make a contract that states that the best friend..we'll call him John...shall donate his sperm and that he shall be a "male role model" for the child, but not be required to pay child support, as the 2 women would be the "parents". a few months after the baby is born, the couple break up. Jane remains with the baby and asks John to donate sperm again, with the same contract as before---you are the donor, and will be a "male role model" -- but you are NOT required to pay child support.
Fast forward 14 years later, the 2 kids have grown up spending time both with "Jane" and "John" -- splitting holidays, weekends, summers, etc. He's played a role in their lives. Suddenly "Jane" decides that she thinks that "John" should have to provide child support for the 2 kids he fathered, despite their contract. She takes him to court and after a battle in family court, the judge also agrees that because John took an "active role" in the children's lives--he is ordered he has to pay back support as well as current support for the kids.
Do we think this is fair? I'm kind of somewhat torn on it...was curious about other opinions.
***ETA: i was wrong---she didn't wait 14 years--my bad. she waited 6 years and for the past 8 years they've been battling in the courts for child support and NOW 14 years after the birth of the first child, the courts have decided that he should have to pay child support.....so she only waited 6 years after the contracted was signed and the child was born to ask for money.***
Message edited 8/7/2008 11:32:06 AM.
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Posted 8/7/08 10:04 AM  |
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EmmaNick
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
If he wasn't an active part of their lives and was *just* a donor, then I would say he shouldn't have to pay. But, since he was actively participating in their lives, I think they both should share in the financial burden.
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| Posted 8/7/08 10:07 AM |
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nbc188
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
I don't think he should. They had a contract, he should NOT have to support them financially...this was never the plan.
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| Posted 8/7/08 10:13 AM |
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MrsRbk
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
Posted by nbc188
I don't think he should. They had a contract, he should NOT have to support them financially...this was never the plan.
ITA.
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| Posted 8/7/08 10:14 AM |
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ReiRei13
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
Posted by MrsRbk
Posted by nbc188
I don't think he should. They had a contract, he should NOT have to support them financially...this was never the plan.
ITA.
I agree too
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| Posted 8/7/08 10:32 AM |
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Christine
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
I don't think he should have to since they have a contract relieving him of this obligation.
I am a little surprised he wouldn't want to since he has an active role in their lives. Although it could be that he has but it's not part of the article.
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| Posted 8/7/08 10:41 AM |
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JennZ
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
I dont think he should have to pay. He was following the contract by being an "active male role" and thats that. She should have thought about that 14 yrs sooner when she wanted his boys, and wrote up the contract. JMO
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| Posted 8/7/08 10:42 AM |
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nrthshgrl
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
My instinct is to say no, he should not have to pay support.
However, the caveat of "male role model" is troublesome. It seems that he played more than a male role model. He played the role of a father with joint custody.
Based on that, it changes the nature of the contract.
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| Posted 8/7/08 10:43 AM |
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MrsPJB2007
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MJ
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
Posted by Christine
I don't think he should have to since they have a contract relieving him of this obligation.
I am a little surprised he wouldn't want to since he has an active role in their lives. Although it could be that he has but it's not part of the article.
Well both "John" and "Jane" phoned into the show earlier to talk to producers and he had stated that in his own way he had provided support and helping with the kids--but he never felt like he had to pay a structured amount like she was asking for suddenly now. He had helped by taking care of the kids thru the years and stuff...but he felt he was going by the contract.
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| Posted 8/7/08 10:44 AM |
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Kara
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
According to the contract, no, I don't think he should pay. HOWEVER, I could see where the courts would order him to pay. Family court is going to look out for the best interests of the child -- and if the contract results in being terribly unfair to the child in some way, then I can see why the court would award child support.
Ideally, the child support would go toward the CHILDREN - who were not part of that contract. I'm not saying I agree or disagree with the court awarding money, but I can understand why they would set aside the contract and evaluate the situation with the children's best interests in mind.
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| Posted 8/7/08 10:48 AM |
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SoinLove
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
Posted by nbc188
I don't think he should. They had a contract, he should NOT have to support them financially...this was never the plan.
My thoughts exactly
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| Posted 8/7/08 11:01 AM |
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Kara
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
Posted by SoinLove
Posted by nbc188
I don't think he should. They had a contract, he should NOT have to support them financially...this was never the plan.
My thoughts exactly
I realize that this is a bit different as this person was a sperm donor, but there's still a child involved... A court would disregard a contract between a rich biological father and a destitute biological mother stating that the mother would never pursue child support in the event of a divorce b/c it would be unfair to the child who had no say in that contract.
My GUESS (just a guess) is that the court was grappling with what crosses the line between being just a contractual sperm donor and being a parent. My guess is that they found his behavior / involvement to make him not just a sperm donor and therefore they set aside the contract to look at what would be best for the children.
Just a thought... not sure how I really feel about the outcome -- just saying that I can fathom why it would turn out this way.
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| Posted 8/7/08 11:10 AM |
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Ophelia
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remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
it seems if he was splitting the parental duties, that he WAS supporting the children. certainly emotionally, and I am sure in some ways financially.
just b/c he wasn't handing a check to the mother every month doesn't mean he didn't continue.
How greedy can you be???14 years of BACK child support....for 2 kids....that's a nice chunk of money.
If I was that guy I'd fight this to the Supreme Court!
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| Posted 8/7/08 11:15 AM |
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pinkiegirl
Member since 7/07 2160 total posts
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Dana
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
Posted by Ophelia
it seems if he was splitting the parental duties, that he WAS supporting the children. certainly emotionally, and I am sure in some ways financially.
just b/c he wasn't handing a check to the mother every month doesn't mean he didn't continue.
How greedy can you be???14 years of BACK child support....for 2 kids....that's a nice chunk of money.
If I was that guy I'd fight this to the Supreme Court!
ITA with this... 14 years later they want child support....that's not right!
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| Posted 8/7/08 11:20 AM |
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MissingLI
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
Posted by pinkiegirl
Posted by Ophelia
it seems if he was splitting the parental duties, that he WAS supporting the children. certainly emotionally, and I am sure in some ways financially.
just b/c he wasn't handing a check to the mother every month doesn't mean he didn't continue.
How greedy can you be???14 years of BACK child support....for 2 kids....that's a nice chunk of money.
If I was that guy I'd fight this to the Supreme Court!
ITA with this... 14 years later they want child support....that's not right!
ITA with this as well. What upsets me even more is that this man was a father to these children (even though that didn't seem to be in the oringinal 'contract') and seemed to have a good working relationship with the mother as well. The strain that her taking him to court probably has caused is more upsetting to me. I guess in my mind I have to ask the question: is it really worth it to hurt your family over money? I'm sure I'm not phrasing this right.
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| Posted 8/7/08 11:26 AM |
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MrsPJB2007
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Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
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MJ
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
Posted by pinkiegirl
ITA with this... 14 years later they want child support....that's not right!
i was checking the story out--and i was mistaken...my bad.
it was about 6 years in that she asked for child support -- and for the past 8 years they have been battling it out for child support in the courts and 14 years after the birth of the 1st child---NOW he has been ordered by the courts to pay child support.
sorry for the confusion--but either way...it was after the kids and contract was signed that she wanted child support.
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| Posted 8/7/08 11:30 AM |
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Kara
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They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
Posted by MrsPJB2007
Posted by pinkiegirl
ITA with this... 14 years later they want child support....that's not right!
i was checking the story out--and i was mistaken...my bad.
it was about 6 years in that she asked for child support -- and for the past 8 years they have been battling it out for child support in the courts and 14 years after the birth of the 1st child---NOW he has been ordered by the courts to pay child support.
sorry for the confusion--but either way...it was after the kids and contract was signed that she wanted child support.
How horrible for the kids to have to go through all these legal battles between these two. I'm sure they are much more aware of what is going on than the parents would like to believe. And I'm sure these two wasted lots of time and money that could have been spend with / on the children on this legal battle.
I think it's even more horrible that these people are going on TV. Poor kids.
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| Posted 8/7/08 11:34 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
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remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
Posted by MrsPJB2007
Posted by pinkiegirl
ITA with this... 14 years later they want child support....that's not right!
i was checking the story out--and i was mistaken...my bad.
it was about 6 years in that she asked for child support -- and for the past 8 years they have been battling it out for child support in the courts and 14 years after the birth of the 1st child---NOW he has been ordered by the courts to pay child support.
sorry for the confusion--but either way...it was after the kids and contract was signed that she wanted child support.
the person that should be paying the child support is the OTHER MOTHER (at least for the first child)
the fact that she is cut out of the picture is a blow to gay rights as parents as far as I am concerned.
If a gay couple wants to adopt or use other means (sperm donor, surrogates etc) then they need to maintain ALL of the legal rights and responsibilities that ANY couple with a child would face...
this is totally ridiculous. that lady is LUCKY this dude didn't desert her with those kids.
disgusting.
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| Posted 8/7/08 11:34 AM |
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HoneyBadger
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BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: Interesting case of sperm donors and child support
Posted by Ophelia
the person that should be paying the child support is the OTHER MOTHER (at least for the first child)
the fact that she is cut out of the picture is a blow to gay rights as parents as far as I am concerned.
If a gay couple wants to adopt or use other means (sperm donor, surrogates etc) then they need to maintain ALL of the legal rights and responsibilities that ANY couple with a child would face...
this is totally ridiculous. that lady is LUCKY this dude didn't desert her with those kids.
disgusting.
I completely agree. I was wondering the same thing...where's the original mother???
Why is she seemingly out of the picture and having nothing to do with her child?
I think the only reason this woman is seeking child support from this man is b/c she had a better legal leg to stand on.
Pitiful.
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| Posted 8/7/08 11:39 AM |
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