Interfaith Families - Jewish/Christian - This Triduum and Passover

For the observant folks, we have a major dilemma this year.

I've had the seder fall on holy Thursday before, and I skipped mass and went to the seder because since The last supper was a seder it seemed 100% appropriate.

THIS year the seder nights are Good Friday and the Easter Vigil.

Good Friday is a day of fast, not for a festive meal.

On Holy Saturday, I sing in the choir and I go to the Easter Vigil each year.

it's really a dilemma. In honesty, I don't have a lot of control over which night the seder is. it's all up to DH's Aunt and what she works out with her in-laws. I guess the best possible scenario is that it is Good Friday at night and I go to the 3:00 service and fast another day.

How are you handling this situation?

Re: Interfaith Families - Jewish/Christian - This Triduum and Passover

I see no reason for you not to go to the Sedar on Friday. If you choose not to eat, no one should say anything. You are supporting your DH.

You can always join DH at the Sedar after choir on Saturday if you choose/time permits.

Re: Interfaith Families - Jewish/Christian - This Triduum and Passover

Re: Interfaith Families - Jewish/Christian - This Triduum and Passover

DH and I are both Catholic, but his mom's family is Jewish, so I was wondering what was going to happen if they held the Seder on Good Friday. It didn't play out that way (they are having it on Saturday), but I think if it was on Good Friday, DH and I just wouldn't have eaten meat. I don't think anyone would have cared, since we're all very respectful of everyone else's traditions.

DH and I don't really fast on Good Friday though(aside from not eating meat), so I suppose we aren't the best followers of Catholicism.

Re: Interfaith Families - Jewish/Christian - This Triduum and Passover

If you fast all day on Good Friday and then just eat the minimum at Seder (as long as you aren't eating meat) that more than fulfills your fasting obligation.

For Easter Vigil, I guess you can just switch to Easter morning mass, not ideal but a compromise (since they are very different masses)

Re: Interfaith Families - Jewish/Christian - This Triduum and Passover

Im Jewish.

Unfortunatly, not all people are open minded weather you are Jewish or Catholic.

My PERSONAL feeling is that you should discuss it with you DH and see what YOU feel comfortable with. I would only hope that his family could take a step back and see that YOUR faith is just as importnat to YOU as THEIR faith is to them.

I dont see why Passover has to "trump" your easter celebration. If you have to fast, equate that with Yom Kippur. Would they be expected to put aside their beliefs?

I would hope you could feel that you should celebrate your holiday without having a problem with his family....but I suspect there might be problems, hence the post.

Re: Interfaith Families - Jewish/Christian - This Triduum and Passover

I've had some issues in the past. I got a lot of BS from them over not eating certain things. I'm a vegetarian so the seder is kind of rough. One year they made me matzah ball soup that they said was vegetarian. I smelled it and tasted it and to me I KNEW there was some kind of stock in it. I felt so much pressure to eat it since they had made it for me, that i ate it and became violently ill. They talked about me for not being at the table for most of the meal. Umm I was in the bathroom. my body can't process meat.

After the fact they did realize that something they put in it DID have chicken stock.

But anyway, it's a tense thing. I think they DO try to be respectful but I honestly think that a lot of the time they just don't "get it." I've had to sit through some extended family members making rude jokes about christians, italians, etc, so I can't guarantee everyone will understand and I'd rather NOT make a big deal out of it or offend anyone

Re: Interfaith Families - Jewish/Christian - This Triduum and Passover

Re: Interfaith Families - Jewish/Christian - This Triduum and Passover

Re: Interfaith Families - Jewish/Christian - This Triduum and Passover

Re: Interfaith Families - Jewish/Christian - This Triduum and Passover

Generally on Good Friday you fast during the day and have an evening meal. I would say go to the Seder and limit your food intake if you feel you need to eat a modest meal. I cannot imagine you being pressure to eat by your in laws. Simply explain the situation if you are questioned. Judaism has tons of fast days it is not a foreign concept to a person of the Jewish faith.

Re: Interfaith Families - Jewish/Christian - This Triduum and Passover

Yikes that a tough one. One thing though -- about the ones making rude and ignorant comments about italians and christians....I wouldn't be overly concerned regarding offending them when they clearly don't care about offending others. Sorry you have this conflict!!!

Re: Interfaith Families - Jewish/Christian - This Triduum and Passover

I'm catholic, my DS is jewish.

Like a PP mentioned, i would go on friday night and eat what you can and if they have something to say, tell them to screw off! My inlaws can be very outspoken as well and I've learned when I stick up for myself and say something, it gives them a a wake up call that I'm not going to put up with that nonsense. They seem to give me more respect now actually since i said something!

As for Saturday, i would either blow it off entirely since you enjoy easter vigil or not go to mass that night and go on Sunday.

good luck!

Message edited 3/2/2012 1:38:04 PM.

Re: Interfaith Families - Jewish/Christian - This Triduum and Passover

I should say things have gotten a LOT better, especially with the family whose house we'd be going to. they're seriously great, but it's always a crapshoot of what like relative of theirs or neighbor or whoever is also there and making a scene.

We went to a seder with the other side of the family once, and like somehow the fact that I was Catholic came out and the guy leading the seder (not our relative, a relative of the relative) really made a big deal out of it, and would like stop to explain things to me (unneccessary. it was like my 7th seder by this point), and made some really stupid (not mean, just STUPID) comments.

I just feel like in general I want to fly under the radar it would probably be fine, but I was seriously scarred by some early experiences with DH's family (when i got sick, I was accused of doing it for attention), so I just want to fly under the radar.

I'm hoping it's Friday. I'll just eat less and not have to choose between the 2

Re: Interfaith Families - Jewish/Christian - This Triduum and Passover

Im Jewish and observant and I dont think you should have to give up your fast day for passover. Passover is a kind of fast in itself so they should understand that. it it your holiday, tell them its your yom kippur. You woldnt expect them to eat on YK, they shouldnt expect you to eat at yours. My BIL's wife is catholic and my nephews birthday is around the high holidays and ive told her in the past that if she made the party on the high holidays I couldnt come and so far she's been respectful of that and this past year I had to make my hanukkah party a week early bc of christmas. We all work it out and nobody's religious beliefs are compromised. By going to the seder you are supporting your husband and that is all that matters.