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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Interfaith families
I have to say we're all about being interfaith. A lot of this energy comes from me, and I think if it were only up to FH he'd ignore it, and ignore religion altogether, but I try to help him become more involved and he's happier when he is. I want my children to be proud ot be interfaith.
On the other hand I know couples who just ignore it and don't care and it doesn't matter at all. or other couples where it's a constant battle.
Message edited 8/30/2006 4:42:45 PM.
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Posted 8/30/06 4:40 PM  |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Interfaith families
It is an issue with us b/c DH family is very very religious & involved with their church.
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| Posted 8/30/06 4:41 PM |
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BobBsWife
No more school= too much time!
Member since 5/05 1395 total posts
Name:
Tracy
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Re: Interfaith families
Dh's family sux when it comes to jewish holidays. So we try to do something small for some of them (just us) so we have some type of tradition for the kids. My family (luthern but rarely practicing) goes crazy for most of the holidays.
The only thing that we have to worry about is thanksgiving. Lately I try to work it out so we go for dessert with his family. This is because they sux at cooking and its a meger meal. This way I get to have the fantastic dessert that I made!
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| Posted 8/30/06 4:43 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Interfaith families
We will be an interfaith family. It is not a problem for us - I enjoy celebrating all the holidays. It is more a problem for our parents, but they are learning to deal.
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| Posted 8/30/06 4:44 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Interfaith families
Thanksgiving sux!
It's really really hard. FH and I got into Battle royal over it one year. haha
but just think about the non interfaith families who have to find a way to split EVERY holiday.
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| Posted 8/30/06 4:44 PM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Interfaith families
It's not an issue for us. DH said he wants to raise our kids in my faith, which is Judaism.
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| Posted 8/30/06 4:45 PM |
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LisaW
Time for me to FLY!
Member since 5/05 13199 total posts
Name:
Did I ever tell you that I hate people?
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Re: Interfaith families
I am Jewish and DH was raised Catholic.
We spend Jewish holidays with my family, but DH's family lives is Western NY and OOS so we spend his holidays with friends or just with ourselves.
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| Posted 8/30/06 4:47 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Interfaith families
Posted by JenniferEver
Thanksgiving sux!
It's really really hard. FH and I got into Battle royal over it one year. haha
but just think about the non interfaith families who have to find a way to split EVERY holiday.
Why not just alternate thanksgivings? Thats what we do.
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| Posted 8/30/06 5:03 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Interfaith families
We are interfaith and attend a Unitarian Fellowship, the only house of worship that gives equal credit to both of our faiths.
We talked about this in-depth before we got engaged. My extended family is very Catholic and well, I guess they still are not "over it" (my choice).
Holidays are not so much about his family vs. my family. My extended family (cousins) don't all fit in one house anymore for the holidays. DH and I agree that Christmas will always be at our house with my family. Both of his sisters (non-religious Jewish) married Christians and are a bit miffed that we don't take the trek to their OOS houses . One of the main reasons I want it at our house is I always had to travel to a relatives home for Christmas, my mom died when I was 8 and we never hosted after that. Second, my Dad and brother, often, don't have anywhere to go. My aunts and uncles have their own grandchildren and often there are too many people or they travel OOS.
MIL is also nearing 70 and I think she only has a few more years left of the big Hannukah dinners... she really doesn't have the energy. Passover, we don't get together as DH's sisters live OOS.
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| Posted 8/30/06 5:29 PM |
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casey31
Mommy of 3!
Member since 5/05 2967 total posts
Name:
Mommy to two boys and a girl
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Re: Interfaith families
I'm Jewish and DH is Catholic- we spend Easter and Christmas with his family and Jewish holidays with mine.
thanksgiving we've always "split up" gone to our own families. It will be a big fight this year- DH wants me to go with him as, overall, we spend more holidays with my family. But, I'm an only child and I think my mom will be devastated.
Overall, we want to raise our children both religions and we know it will be a struggle- we accept that and beleive that our r'ship is strong enough that we will approach decisions with mutual respect and understanding- we know it will be hard though.
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| Posted 8/30/06 6:00 PM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Interfaith families
We're interfaith although DH isn't religious and doesn't mind that we'll raise our children Jewish. We spend the Jewish holidays with my family, and Christmas and Easter with DH's family. Last year, DH's grandmother invited my family to spend Christmas Eve with them. We always spend Thanksgiving (and celebrate DH's birthday) at my parents' house. Last year, MIL came to my parents' house for Thanksgiving, and we drove to FIL's house the next day to have a post-Thanksgiving dinner.
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| Posted 8/31/06 12:12 PM |
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july06bride
I'm a mom!
Member since 5/05 3966 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Interfaith families
Posted by lululu
Posted by JenniferEver
Thanksgiving sux!
It's really really hard. FH and I got into Battle royal over it one year. haha
but just think about the non interfaith families who have to find a way to split EVERY holiday.
Why not just alternate thanksgivings? Thats what we do.
can you host thanksgiving dinner with both families?
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| Posted 8/31/06 12:14 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Interfaith families
Posted by july06bride
Posted by lululu
Posted by JenniferEver
Thanksgiving sux!
It's really really hard. FH and I got into Battle royal over it one year. haha
but just think about the non interfaith families who have to find a way to split EVERY holiday.
Why not just alternate thanksgivings? Thats what we do.
can you host thanksgiving dinner with both families?
We were going to do this one year, but FH's place is really too small. We had a party, total 8 people and it was at max, capacity.
I think my mom would host it, but FSIL's kids are really sort of wild and we have a lot of breakables. We'll see what happens this year. FH's family only gets togther for like, 2 holidays and thanksgiving is one of them, wheras my family has a special dinner for every holiday, so he thinks it's fair to have thanksgiving with his family, but I am just not willing to give up thanksgiving with my family.
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| Posted 8/31/06 12:19 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Interfaith families
You know what's also hard? When the 2nd seder falls on good Friday. I am more than willing to go to sseder isntead of Holy Thursday mass, however, Good Friday is a solemn day and to go to a celebratory meal is kind of against that. Also, to get there on time I'd have to miss Good Friday servoces at 3pm
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| Posted 8/31/06 12:22 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Interfaith families
Posted by JenniferEver
Posted by july06bride
Posted by lululu
Posted by JenniferEver
Thanksgiving sux!
It's really really hard. FH and I got into Battle royal over it one year. haha
but just think about the non interfaith families who have to find a way to split EVERY holiday.
Why not just alternate thanksgivings? Thats what we do.
can you host thanksgiving dinner with both families?
We were going to do this one year, but FH's place is really too small. We had a party, total 8 people and it was at max, capacity.
I think my mom would host it, but FSIL's kids are really sort of wild and we have a lot of breakables. We'll see what happens this year. FH's family only gets togther for like, 2 holidays and thanksgiving is one of them, wheras my family has a special dinner for every holiday, so he thinks it's fair to have thanksgiving with his family, but I am just not willing to give up thanksgiving with my family.
I think that you are going to have to learn to compromise on this one, until its possible for you to host it. I dont think it would be fair for him not to see his family on thanksgiving if they only have two holiday dinners a year and your family gets together for every holiday.... Presumably you would still be able to get together with your family for Christmas as well as Easter.
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| Posted 8/31/06 12:48 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Interfaith families
if you have to miss good friday one year, you'll have to go the following year. i'd say a compromise is key. and as far as the interfaith thing goes, we have a heard enough time with holidays as it is, and we are the same religion.
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| Posted 8/31/06 12:50 PM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Interfaith families
Posted by july06bride
Posted by lululu
Posted by JenniferEver
Thanksgiving sux!
It's really really hard. FH and I got into Battle royal over it one year. haha
but just think about the non interfaith families who have to find a way to split EVERY holiday.
Why not just alternate thanksgivings? Thats what we do.
can you host thanksgiving dinner with both families?
This is what we do... (actually, this will be the first year with both families together, so I will be cooking for 35!)
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| Posted 8/31/06 12:52 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Interfaith families
Posted by JenniferEver
You know what's also hard? When the 2nd seder falls on good Friday. I am more than willing to go to sseder isntead of Holy Thursday mass, however, Good Friday is a solemn day and to go to a celebratory meal is kind of against that. Also, to get there on time I'd have to miss Good Friday servoces at 3pm
Personally - if good friday is that important to you, I think that you should be late to the seder. If I remember correctly, you are catholic and your FH is jewish? I see no reason that before you have children, you cant split up for a few hours to celebrate your own beliefs.... Ultimately you can not be catholic and jewish at the same time - so this would be one instance where you would have to make a choice and decide which is more important to you.....
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| Posted 8/31/06 12:56 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Interfaith families
Posted by lululu
Posted by JenniferEver
Posted by july06bride
Posted by lululu
Posted by JenniferEver
Thanksgiving sux!
It's really really hard. FH and I got into Battle royal over it one year. haha
but just think about the non interfaith families who have to find a way to split EVERY holiday.
Why not just alternate thanksgivings? Thats what we do.
can you host thanksgiving dinner with both families?
We were going to do this one year, but FH's place is really too small. We had a party, total 8 people and it was at max, capacity.
I think my mom would host it, but FSIL's kids are really sort of wild and we have a lot of breakables. We'll see what happens this year. FH's family only gets togther for like, 2 holidays and thanksgiving is one of them, wheras my family has a special dinner for every holiday, so he thinks it's fair to have thanksgiving with his family, but I am just not willing to give up thanksgiving with my family.
I think that you are going to have to learn to compromise on this one, until its possible for you to host it. I dont think it would be fair for him not to see his family on thanksgiving if they only have two holiday dinners a year and your family gets together for every holiday.... Presumably you would still be able to get together with your family for Christmas as well as Easter.
I cook Thanksgiving dinner with my mom, it's really special to me. I'm not williong to give it up, but I am willing to compromise. One year we tried to have dinner ay my house and dessert at FH's grandma's but they didn't wait for us and his cousins went home. Last year they went upstate to FSIL's friend's house and we weren't invited, so it's kind of like, they're not really willing to make the effort. I have to see what we'll do this year. I think my mom hosting it for everyone is good and she would do it, but out house is nowhere near baby proof and our furniture has a lot of glass, and FSILs kids are really all over everything...
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| Posted 8/31/06 12:59 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Interfaith families
Posted by lululu
Posted by JenniferEver
You know what's also hard? When the 2nd seder falls on good Friday. I am more than willing to go to sseder isntead of Holy Thursday mass, however, Good Friday is a solemn day and to go to a celebratory meal is kind of against that. Also, to get there on time I'd have to miss Good Friday servoces at 3pm
Personally - if good friday is that important to you, I think that you should be late to the seder. If I remember correctly, you are catholic and your FH is jewish? I see no reason that before you have children, you cant split up for a few hours to celebrate your own beliefs.... Ultimately you can not be catholic and jewish at the same time - so this would be one instance where you would have to make a choice and decide which is more important to you.....
Yeah for right now it's just the two of us, so if they're unwilling to start late (which is usuaklly the case) we just have to get there late.
it's just difficult to go to a celebratory dinner on a day of fast and solemnity. It would be like going to a party on Yom Kippur. But we work it out.
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| Posted 8/31/06 1:00 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Interfaith families
Posted by JenniferEver
Posted by lululu
Posted by JenniferEver
You know what's also hard? When the 2nd seder falls on good Friday. I am more than willing to go to sseder isntead of Holy Thursday mass, however, Good Friday is a solemn day and to go to a celebratory meal is kind of against that. Also, to get there on time I'd have to miss Good Friday servoces at 3pm
Personally - if good friday is that important to you, I think that you should be late to the seder. If I remember correctly, you are catholic and your FH is jewish? I see no reason that before you have children, you cant split up for a few hours to celebrate your own beliefs.... Ultimately you can not be catholic and jewish at the same time - so this would be one instance where you would have to make a choice and decide which is more important to you.....
Yeah for right now it's just the two of us, so if they're unwilling to start late (which is usuaklly the case) we just have to get there late.
it's just difficult to go to a celebratory dinner on a day of fast and solemnity. It would be like going to a party on Yom Kippur. But we work it out.
If you believe that you should spend that day in a particular way - I dont think that you should compromise that for your husbands religious beliefs. I think he and his family would understand that no? If I were you, I would just skip it altogether. But there is no reason why he cant go.
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| Posted 8/31/06 1:03 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Interfaith families
Well the way we are, it's together or nothing..but we compromise pretty well. We've been doing it for 7 years. 
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| Posted 8/31/06 1:05 PM |
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