Is it selfish to keep your results a secret?

Im not preggo.. but was just curious. DH and I had a MC with our first one on 1/30 so we are being so causious with this one. I mean MIL even tonight was talking and said well when you have the baby... and i was thinking to myself should i say... maybe this month we will be lucky. I know if i get a BFP i dont want to tell anyone but then again i want to tell our parent cuz i iknow how crushed they were with the MC. I almost want to hide it from DH untill we past the 8 wk mark ( i know i wont be able to cuz.. he is right on top of when to test he is worse then me. LOL). i know thats selfish but i just felt horrible and like such a failure the first time. Anyone feel like this. i know people gennerally wait till the 12 week point to share news but how do you fight the urge

Re: Is it selfish to keep your results a secret?

i wont hide it from DH; i would never be able to

we will tell our immediate families pretty much right away, but no one else until after 1st trimester

Re: Is it selfish to keep your results a secret?

I would tell DH right away, because I would burst if I tried to hide it.

Telling the rest of your family and friends is up to you and DH, I don't think it's selfish at all to keep it a secret for a few weeks.

Re: Is it selfish to keep your results a secret?

I don't think it's selfish at all. It is your news to share when you're ready. However, it is also not your burden to carry alone either. AND, you are not a failure!!

IMO, however, you shouldn't hide from DH. The news will be emotional, and you should share it with him since he is just involved as you are.

I sympathize with what you're going through. It seems as though you are selfLESSly trying to protect the ones you love in case, G-d forbid, something terrible should happen again.

I think its admirable of you to want to protect them, but like I said, it's also not something that you shold go through alone.

Hopefully the news of a BFP will bring you nothing but helath and happiness.

Re: Is it selfish to keep your results a secret?

I don't think it's selfish at all. DH and I will tell our family and friends when we are comfortable and ready.

I personally wouldn't wait to tell DH. He helped in creating the baby he should know right away.

Re: Is it selfish to keep your results a secret?

Posted by ANON4NOW

I don't think it's selfish at all. It is your news to share when you're ready. However, it is also not your burden to carry alone either. AND, you are not a failure!!

IMO, however, you shouldn't hide from DH. The news will be emotional, and you should share it with him since he is just involved as you are.

I sympathize with what you're going through. It seems as though you are selfLESSly trying to protect the ones you love in case, G-d forbid, something terrible should happen again.

I think its admirable of you to want to protect them, but like I said, it's also not something that you shold go through alone.

Hopefully the news of a BFP will bring you nothing but helath and happiness.

Re: Is it selfish to keep your results a secret?

I had two miscarriages after surgery and IUIs. When I got PG a third time, we kept it to ourselves until we felt comfortable. I didnt worry about being selfish. We had to deal with our losses in our own way. Shoot, I kept our second loss off the boards here for the same reason. You do not owe anything to anyone but you and your DH. I am sure close family and friends would understand. My family did - they knew better than to ask questions and they were by no means hurt that we did not share right away.

Re: Is it selfish to keep your results a secret?

All I know is that next month, if it is our month, I am keeping my big mouth shut. I told everybody who would listen that I was late, I was crampy, I really "felt" it and then BOOM...TBAF!!! I feel like everyone thinks I'm a "Babyzilla" now.

I would tell DH, of course and my Mom, but I think that's it.

Re: Is it selfish to keep your results a secret?

I understand what you mean. My mother told me the other night that she had a conversation with DH & he was telling her how he can't wait to have another baby. On the one hand, that made me all mushy inside, but on the other, it broke my heart. I feel like my body failed him by losing our baby. I do know that I could never hide it from him when I eventually get pregnant again.

It's not selfish to keep things quiet at all. I think when you do tell, people will understand that you were scared & trying to spare yourself from repeating what happened last time.

Re: Is it selfish to keep your results a secret?

I'm absolutely terrible with keeping secrets like that. I'll find a cute way of telling dh within hours of getting my BFP, and then I'll probably be right on the phone with my mom. I can't imagine waiting weeks before telling family and close friends. We'll see when the time comes!

Re: Is it selfish to keep your results a secret?

Posted by ANON4NOW

I don't think it's selfish at all. It is your news to share when you're ready. However, it is also not your burden to carry alone either. AND, you are not a failure!!

IMO, however, you shouldn't hide from DH. The news will be emotional, and you should share it with him since he is just involved as you are.

I sympathize with what you're going through. It seems as though you are selfLESSly trying to protect the ones you love in case, G-d forbid, something terrible should happen again.

I think its admirable of you to want to protect them, but like I said, it's also not something that you shold go through alone.

Hopefully the news of a BFP will bring you nothing but helath and happiness.

Re: Is it selfish to keep your results a secret?

I couldnt agree more in what is being said. Yes the support was unbelievable from this site and from family as well. I just felt so akward and even to this day feel akward when people as how the baby is doing. my response is my baby is doing great in heaven i miscarried almost 2 months ago. Then they feel so bad which in turn makes me feel even worse. I know they dont mean any harm. Im sure we will tell our patients after we get confirmed HCG levels that everything is looking good and then everyone else after 12 weeks. It is so hard to keep it in at work because my nurses look to me for assistance in in handling thiier confused and combative patients and boosting them up in bed. I guess i better start delegating now.

Re: Is it selfish to keep your results a secret?

Posted by autumn

Posted by ANON4NOW

I don't think it's selfish at all. It is your news to share when you're ready. However, it is also not your burden to carry alone either. AND, you are not a failure!!

IMO, however, you shouldn't hide from DH. The news will be emotional, and you should share it with him since he is just involved as you are.

I sympathize with what you're going through. It seems as though you are selfLESSly trying to protect the ones you love in case, G-d forbid, something terrible should happen again.

I think its admirable of you to want to protect them, but like I said, it's also not something that you shold go through alone.

Hopefully the news of a BFP will bring you nothing but helath and happiness.

You said it perfectly.

Re: Is it selfish to keep your results a secret?

I am very confilcted about this. I told the whole world that we were pg and then we m/c. So I probably won't do that. But I can't keep a secret about myself. I hate secrets and I would feel terrible if someone asked me if was pg and I lied. So I don't know what to do. I might wait until I get past the point where I had the m/c. I guess I will just play it by ear. I definitely won't tell as many people as last time but I will tell some.

Re: Is it selfish to keep your results a secret?

I'm going to do exactly what I did this past time. Tell my parents and a close friend and thats it. My DH was there when I tested because I was yelling at him "do you see a line, do you see a line??" I would never keep it from him. And I needed my mom's support when I had the miscarriage.

Funny thing is (well not really funny) is that after I had the miscarriage I wound up telling all the people that I didn't tell I was pregnant in the first place.

I don't think it is selfish not to tell anyone. You have to do what you are comfortable with.

I will tell those select people until we see the heartbeat, and then I will tell more. After the 1st tri, we will tell the world.

Re: Is it selfish to keep your results a secret?

I waited to tell people. I found people to be very understanding about waiting. I told my mom and my dh right away. Then my inlaws and close family members around 8 weeks. We told friends at 12 weeks. Everyone I know was very understanding. It's definitely a hard secret to keep!

Good luck to you!!!

Message edited 3/21/2008 9:04:26 AM.