its almost my birthday but........

i do not feel like celebrating at all.

this is a major pity party post so please dont read if you are already feeling down.

when i got pg this january...i could not believe it! we were about to close on our first home together and then this pg after all the if treatments.

on feb 14th we saw the hb and cried and cried happy tears.

then in march we had to have the d&c bc of missed mc.

i feel very very lonely.
when i was only 20 my parents both passed within the year. i am an only child.

dh is an only and we always wanted to have kids.

so this year as my bday approaches.... i am turning 36. not old at all to have babies but old if your eggs are already shitt.

i want my mommy and daddy sooooooooo badly during all this. and yess i said mommy and daddy bc i think sorrow makes you feel like a little helpless child sometimes.

actually..i dont know what is weirder....missing them so much after all this time....or the days i dont miss them bc i am almost so used to not having family of my own.

i really thought when this past pg was going so well that G o d finally was blessing me with LIFE instead of so many losses ( many others i wont even go into) just to have joy/hope taken away again.

i dunno maybe if i was turning 30 the age thing wouldnt be upsetting me but i feel my time is running out and having a bday just kinda digs the knife in.

no need to reply at all....i guess this was just a vent or theraputic whining moment.
thanks for reading!

Re: its almost my birthday but........

Re: its almost my birthday but........

i'm sorry you are having a hard day

i can identify with just about everything you said. loss sucks. i've had 3 losses and they NEVER get easier. and with every pregnancy i think "this is it! god has blessed us" and then it's ripped away. i have lots of days where i feel hopeless. and many many where i think "why me". if you ever want to talk, b!tch, vent, etc, please FM me

Re: its almost my birthday but........

I am so sorry.

I hope that your birthday (as hard as it will be) marks a new year of hope - and ultimately great happiness - for you.

Re: its almost my birthday but........

I am so sorry.

Re: its almost my birthday but........

I am so sorry

Re: its almost my birthday but........

I'm so sorry for everything that you've been through. I that the next year is good to you.

Re: its almost my birthday but........

You KNOW that I can identify with pregnancy losses... and I can also say that I felt the same sting around my birthday last year. It was just 2 months or so after losing Jack, and I did NOT want to celebrate anything!!

I know there's not much I can say to make you feel any better... but just know there are so many people here, including me, who can identify with at least part of what you are going through and we are always here!!

Re: its almost my birthday but........

Re: its almost my birthday but........

I am so sorry You have been through so much. It's just not fair.

Re: its almost my birthday but........

Re: its almost my birthday but........