It's been a while since I've vented.....

So here I am

Get a bill in the mail from SD's BM.....

Entered her in a beauty pageant .....
$440 entrance fee , not to mention what outfits, dresses, accessories and whatever else will go into this

As usual, no consulting w/ DH prior, just a receipt in the mail asking for his half...
When I looked it up online and called the # on the charge slip I was told for the formal wear, they need a male escort with them...I'm sure DH will not be asked, let alone told what date this pageant will be ( though I asked when I called)

Mark my words, this will be BM's new obsession, and though my SD is somewhat vain- she is not your typical "pageant" kid and is quite shy...Here we go

Oh, and the prize that you get if you win this pageant w/ the $440 entrance fee....$1000
And then of-course you move onto the next phase of the competition which is held in Disney which I'm sure is not free of an entrance fee ...

All this while my DH is paying 100% of her braces along with all the regular "stuff" and we haven't even seen her since April

ETA- She still hasn't sent the bill for what "she" decided to do with her over the summer...Guess that will be a suprise as well ...

Message edited 6/15/2010 6:17:52 PM.

Re: It's been a while since I've vented.....

Oh I'm so glad you started a vent b/c I just had a LOVELY feeling of anger regarding my SD BM too...

I'm sorry to hear that you get all these surprise financial obligations that probably drive you up a wall as do mine! I LOVE how the BM's feel its just assumed that there is all this money growing on trees all around our houses to support absolute ridiculous "hobbies" that will never go on to amount to any sort of a career move when reality finally sets in...

So my vent all has to do with my SD's hobby of horseback riding and how BM feels just b/c I'm not working right now due to a lay off, I'll just be around to pick up the slack or give her a "break" as she worded it on Sunday from her daughter. I'm ready to lose it today b/c I PAY enough each month to her and actually have my SD 4 days out of the week and you need a break???? And you can't pick up the slack on the days you're supposed to have your child??? Am I wrong here for wanting to say, then you don't get this week's check... I've done all your work for you, so what do you need the child support for this week?

And then she expects for DH and I to just help out with the riding costs that we NEVER agreed to move forward with. My DH and I are expecting our first child together in late Sept. all while trying to move into a new home and get our finances in order and you're just spending our money for us thinking that we have extra money just floating around. Well I'm sorry, but I do not have a money tree growing in my backyard although you may think we do; WE DON'T!! And now that I'm not working, an extra $20 is hard to come by let alone an extra $200!

So where do these women get off just thinking it's right there for them to take? Why do they feel its NEVER necessary to converse first with our DH's before agreeing to all these new bills and charges when its not even deserved of by the child? My SD is also doing very poorly in school and getting in trouble for making rude comments at her teachers, but here you go, you're more then welcome to still have everything you want! Please take it all... UGH!!!! I can't even tell you how my keyboard is probabaly screaming right now from me typing so hard b/c I'm so frustrated LOL...

Re: It's been a while since I've vented.....

My SD takes horseback riding as well

The biggest problem in our situation regarding extra curricular activities is that when the original order was drawn up, my DH did not have a cap put on them, which in turn leaves him as an open checkbook...And the BM in my case has zero regard for my DH and has never given him the courtsesy of consulting with him first

Re: It's been a while since I've vented.....

Same here with my DH's agreement; and he's remained so darn civil with the XW b/c he doesn't like confrontation that he always gave in. But now that we're not exactly in the position to give in they all don't know what to do. He admits that he was the epitome of "disneyland dad" b/c of the divorce when his daughter was only 2 so he always felt guilty about really never being there full time. But now times have changed... So frustrating! Outside of the fact that there is so many other issues that play into the entire situation.

Re: It's been a while since I've vented.....

I would NOT pay that bill. Entering a pageant is NOT a necessity. If she wants to enter than let her pay it! Thats insane!

Re: It's been a while since I've vented.....

Re: It's been a while since I've vented.....

Message edited 6/17/2010 8:19:28 AM.

Re: It's been a while since I've vented.....

Re: It's been a while since I've vented.....

wow!
I feel for you guys!!

Can you just say "No. we can't afford that right now"..... and then she comes up with another thing, use the same answer "no. we can't afford that right now". Tell her "if you can afford this then by all means go for it, but we cannot at this time. Sorry."

Even if she says nasty things about the BF to the kid.... in time the kid will see that the father does love them.... love is not shown through materialistic things... it's the fact that the father is still there for them and still takes care of them, aside from making sure all their NEEDS are met. Plus... eventually they will see the only one speaking negatively is the BM and thus she's the one with the problem.

Re: It's been a while since I've vented.....

Re: It's been a while since I've vented.....

oh boy, I feel for you ladies. I know any day now we are going to get a huge bill for SD's "camp" or whatever summer activity she wants. Last summer we had to borrow the money for it. You feel like you can never get ahead it is always something that pops up. And Bops, a beauty pageant? that is insane, if your DH wasn't part of the decision making to enter her in one, BM should pay for it...I know easier said than done, but so frustrating for you.

Re: It's been a while since I've vented.....

Posted by Bops

Posted by MrsKS

wow!
I feel for you guys!!

Can you just say "No. we can't afford that right now"..... and then she comes up with another thing, use the same answer "no. we can't afford that right now". Tell her "if you can afford this then by all means go for it, but we cannot at this time. Sorry."

Even if she says nasty things about the BF to the kid.... in time the kid will see that the father does love them.... love is not shown through materialistic things... it's the fact that the father is still there for them and still takes care of them, aside from making sure all their NEEDS are met. Plus... eventually they will see the only one speaking negatively is the BM and thus she's the one with the problem.

In "theory" that would be ideal....

However, though my DH has joint custody of my SD, she lives w/ the BM , so in essence- she makes the every day decisions and because of my DH's agreement, he is responsible for 50% of extracurricular activities ...So while she "should" consult with him and DH "should" have the opportunity to give his input and decide whether he can afford it, he cannot...

The magistrate told DH that because he did not have a cap put on this, the order would stay ( because he should have thought of this from the beginning )

With all that said, I'm fairly certain that pageants are not considered "extracurricular activities", but my DH loses either way because of what she will do if he fights her

Re: It's been a while since I've vented.....

Posted by MrsKS

Posted by Bops

Posted by MrsKS

wow!
I feel for you guys!!

Can you just say "No. we can't afford that right now"..... and then she comes up with another thing, use the same answer "no. we can't afford that right now". Tell her "if you can afford this then by all means go for it, but we cannot at this time. Sorry."

Even if she says nasty things about the BF to the kid.... in time the kid will see that the father does love them.... love is not shown through materialistic things... it's the fact that the father is still there for them and still takes care of them, aside from making sure all their NEEDS are met. Plus... eventually they will see the only one speaking negatively is the BM and thus she's the one with the problem.

In "theory" that would be ideal....

However, though my DH has joint custody of my SD, she lives w/ the BM , so in essence- she makes the every day decisions and because of my DH's agreement, he is responsible for 50% of extracurricular activities ...So while she "should" consult with him and DH "should" have the opportunity to give his input and decide whether he can afford it, he cannot...

The magistrate told DH that because he did not have a cap put on this, the order would stay ( because he should have thought of this from the beginning )

With all that said, I'm fairly certain that pageants are not considered "extracurricular activities", but my DH loses either way because of what she will do if he fights her

that's ridiculous! i would totally understand your husband not knowing to put a cap on it... but what about the lawyers???

sorry you have to deal with this. i think it's nuts.

Re: It's been a while since I've vented.....

Jesus, and I thought the 1/2 of $28.00 a MONTH was asking too much from the BF (for twirling classes) I can't believe how outrageous these BM's are! I never enroll/engage my DC in ANYTHING without consulting the BF. 1/2 the time, if I do let's say a 1x event (like a bowling tournament, etc.), I don't even ask for reimbursement. My idea, my $$$. I can't believe how inconsiderate some people really are!

Re: It's been a while since I've vented.....

Posted by Mom2010

Jesus, and I thought the 1/2 of $28.00 a MONTH was asking too much from the BF (for twirling classes) I can't believe how outrageous these BM's are! I never enroll/engage my DC in ANYTHING without consulting the BF. 1/2 the time, if I do let's say a 1x event (like a bowling tournament, etc.), I don't even ask for reimbursement. My idea, my $$$. I can't believe how inconsiderate some people really are!