its over

Went to the DR last night. They did a sono- there was no heartbeat.
I cried. I was 9 weeks 3 days.
I had my son with me because we went right after i picked him up after work from my parents house. My husband wasnt there with me. It wasnt for a normal visit- the DR wanted to switch me to progesterone injections 3 times a day.
When I got to my parents house, I used the bathroom and there was some blood. When i got to the DR I asked for a sono to make sure everything was okay.
When i looked at the screen and didnt see the flicker i knew it was over. I tried not to cry infront of my son (he is almost 19 months).
I had all these thoughts go through my mind...did I do something to cause this miscarriage?
Im waiting for the DR's office to call me to schedule a D&C.
Only my parents, my sister, husband and 3 friends knew i was pregnant. They ask how am I doing- I lie and tell them I am okay. Im really not.
How do I cope with this?

Re: its over

I'm so sorry for your loss. My advice is to talk about it. Don't tell people you're ok when you're not. It takes a lot of strength to get through this time and you're going to need all the support you can get. It's only natural that you're upset, your friends and family will understand and want to be there for you

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First, there was nothing you could have done to cause the miscarriage so stop thinking that!!!!


Tell them the truth, that you lost the baby and youre not ok!... just take it one day at a time... there is not one way to cope, but thinking ahead is not going to help!!!

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I am so sorry.

I agree with the other posters that if people are asking how you are, be honest. Let them be there for you. Ask for help if you need it. Don't punish yourself by holding it all in.

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I am so sorry for your loss.

I will also reiterate what the others have said - talk about it, don't hide it. Eleven people knew I was pregnant. Far, far more know that I miscarried. Some because I had to tell them (work, I needed the time off) and others because it just was too hard to pretend to be fine. It would make me sick to my stomach when someone who didn't know would say "Hey how are you?" and I would say "Good, thanks..." Because I wasn't.

Now, I didn't tell EVERYONE, but friends and coworkers and family members who noticed something was wrong, knew I had been "sick," etc. - it was just easier to tell them the truth, and to let it be out there. I also learned that so many women in my life had unfortunately been through the same experience, and while my heart breaks for them too, it was nice to talk about it with those who really understand.

The ladies on here are great too!

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I'm so sorry.

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I'm so sorry..I got bad news yesterday as well so I can relate. I also have another child and it is so hard to put on a smile for them at this time. The only advice I can give you it let it out and tell your family and friends you are not okay. I have cried to the people that knew and I need to be able to do that right now. I even had my husband tell my mother in law and my mother tell my grandmother (they didn't even know we were expecting) bc I need that extra support right now. It is too hard to keep things inside and put on a happy face and you shouldn't have to

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I'm so Sorry.

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i am so incredibly sorry for your loss i'm also sorry you didn't have your husband there as support, and that you had to put a brave face on for your son. i can only imagine
i too, lost my baby at 9 weeks. there was no heartbeat when we went in for a regularly scheduled sono, although we had seen one at 6 weeks and 7 1/2 weeks.
not seeing that flicker on the screen is the worst image, i still cannot erase it from my mind.
i wish i knew how to cope with this... almost 5 weeks later and i am still in a state of depression. all i can offer as advice is to find support and solace in women who have been through what you have. it's the only place i found comfort and the only people i wanted to talk to. in time, you will not heal from this loss, but you will handle it with more ease.

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Posted by Megs4

I am so sorry for your loss.

I will also reiterate what the others have said - talk about it, don't hide it. Eleven people knew I was pregnant. Far, far more know that I miscarried. Some because I had to tell them (work, I needed the time off) and others because it just was too hard to pretend to be fine. It would make me sick to my stomach when someone who didn't know would say "Hey how are you?" and I would say "Good, thanks..." Because I wasn't.

Now, I didn't tell EVERYONE, but friends and coworkers and family members who noticed something was wrong, knew I had been "sick," etc. - it was just easier to tell them the truth, and to let it be out there. I also learned that so many women in my life had unfortunately been through the same experience, and while my heart breaks for them too, it was nice to talk about it with those who really understand.

The ladies on here are great too!

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I am so, so sorry for your loss Its truly an awful thing to go through.

I have two kids so I had to stay strong for them but I did find and still do that I was so busy staying strong during the day that I used to have meltdowns at night.

Its a very slow process of healing - I had a missed miscarriage in May and I still have bad days.

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I am very sorry for your loss. It was at my 8 week appt that the flicker was gone. I too was alone at the appt. I went to the car and called my husband and cried. I didn't even know if I could drive home, but I did. That alone time in the car was needed.

I just want to let you know that we are all here for you. It is a sad time but things will get better. You have the right to grieve and be upset. This was just gods way of saying this wouldnt be a healthy baby. I completely understand what you are going through. Hang in there and we are all here to chat. You will be back to ttc before you know it ! Hugs and prayers to you and your family

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I am so sorry for your loss

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i"m so sorry for your loss....i just went through this 4 weeks ago...please dont hold it all in to your self....talk to people...i held it in for so long and it was the worse thing i could....it wont entirely heal the pain and loss you feel but definitly let people be there for you

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I learned today (1st appt) that I am no longer pregnant. There was no heartbeat which was the first thing I looked for but did not see on the screen. I knew that very second that I would not be having this child.
Im coping & have my D&C tomorrow. I just want this over.
I (we here) understand and know your not alone and I hope with time your back to yourself. This goes for all the women posted on here.

ps: I was 9w 6days but baby measured 8wks.

Message edited 9/8/2011 5:56:24 PM.

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I'm so sorry

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I am sorry for your loss!

Message edited 9/8/2011 7:54:50 PM.