Jealousy and bitterness........

Does anybody else suffer with this?
I feel as if I am CONSTANTLY flooded with emotions of jealosy and bitterness, almost to the point where I really do not want to be at anybody else's family function's anymore. It has gotten so bad I am just plain miserable at many events. It doesn't help that I currently have a strained relationship with a few in my immediate family.

It does effect the relationship with DH and I when it comes to his family. A lot of times I cringe and get a sick feeling in my stomach if a gathering for his family comes up. I see Grandma and Grandpa (his parents) and watch them enjoying their 3 beautiful grandchildren. They are growing up right before their eyes. Why did my mom, who worked so hard to raise a good family and did so much to provide for us get robbed of this???? Not only is my mom never going to meet her grandchildren but she never got to meet my husband or my brother's wife. It makes me so angry and the problem, for some reason, has gotten even worse with years.

Anyway, anybody else feel like this? Do you have any coping mechanisms? This is tearing me up inside and it is not as if the problem is going to just go away.

Re: Jealousy and bitterness........

I just get upset-

seeing a mother and daughter shopping or a mother and daughter doing anything together

It makes me NOT want to have a close relationship with my MIL- b/c we look so much a like that some one misstook her for MY mother at a store once

my sisters works at a preschool- and when the moms and grandma's come to pick up the kids together she gets upset

I wouldn't say I am jealous- but bitter and upset is more like it

Re: Jealousy and bitterness........

Yeah, the whole mother/daughter thing hit me hard during my wedding planning. A few times during dress shopping I was asked where my mom was. That was hard.

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Re: Jealousy and bitterness........

Hi,
It really is difficult sometimes, and people just don't get it who haven't experienced any serious loss in their lives. I think it's a totally normal reaction. I've dealt with the loss slowly over 27 years, and through the more difficult times, I'd be raging with anger and bitterness. Each big event in my life, and each small moment; shopping and witnessing the bond that people are still able to share in their lives with their Moms. My Mom didn't get to see me even grow into a woman and it makes me sad that she's missing out on so much.
At some points, it affected other aspects of my life so much that it was beginning to affect my relationship with the people close to me so I seeked therapy. I feel that the self reflection helped me through so much. If I can't be mentally healthy for the people around me, I feel it will damage the relationships with the people who love me, and in turn hurt my own happiness. I will probably be back in therapy at some point in the future again.....
I believe that my Mom is always "with me" and I try to live my life as a good person so she will always be proud of me, but maybe I'm delusional. Also, i'm a refelction of her, and I take a certain pride in that.
As much as we feel that no one else in the world has experienced such a horrible loss at times, at least we know that there are other people that can relate, (unfortunately under such a sad circumstance )
But, I think we all have a right to be angry and bitter. I know I ramble, sorry....

Elena

Re: Jealousy and bitterness........

I think your feelings are so normal. I feel the exact same way. Just the other day I was int he hair salon and there were all these young girls in there with their moms getting ready for the prom. A part of me was thinking, aww thats so nice, but another part of me just had jealousy running through me. I want my mom here with me. DH and I are TTC and more than anything I want my mom here with right now.

Re: Jealousy and bitterness........

I totally have these feelings ALL of the time. I know it's terrible but i feel like i want to either claw people's eyes out or stop them on the street and tell them how lucky they are. I can't stand when people (i.e. my "friends") complain to me about fighting with their mothers as if they are saying "having a mom is not all it's cracked up to be". It makes me crazy!!! does this happen to anyone else? I recently started seeing a psychologist who told me that these fellings are normal but she hasnt really given me any coping strategies besides writing in a journal to get my feelings out. so far all the journal does for me is make me cry. anyway, it is very hard for me to be around my in laws. my dh has an older sister who has 2 babies. i am so jealous of her because it reminds me of what i will never have.

Re: Jealousy and bitterness........

I get it too.... I know its not right, but I cant help it... its just something that overcomes me... it just reminds me over and over what I am missing from my life.

Re: Jealousy and bitterness........

I do too -

I have a wedding to go to this sunday and its fathers day...and its my first fathers day without my uncle/godfather who passed away suddenly in march.

when the father/daugher dance happens, i will hopefully be outside or at the bar.

Re: Jealousy and bitterness........

All the time. When I see mom and daughters out shopping or something I want to stop and tell them to value these times.

Or when my friends b i t c h about their moms I want to say you are lucky to have her no matter how big a pain she is being.

Re: Jealousy and bitterness........

last week I was chatting with a nice mother and daughter at the mall- I wanted to cry- I forced a smile and conversation ( they started)

it reminded me so much of the times me and my Mom had- it's so hard to think that I will never have that again

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