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photoshopbabe
wow....
Member since 5/07 2197 total posts
Name:
linda
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Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
Why are people SO rude in this world? I mean really...
I've been married four years-and I always get the question, "when are you having kids". "what are you waiting for", etc etc etc.
I really dont MIND that question..its when I hear "Oh..so I guess you arent having kids". It's ONLY been for years! I got married young-at 24 years old. We don't own a house-and I don't see that happening anytime soon, not in NY.
On one hand-I want kids-I really do.. I've always loved kids. Ive babysat from when I was 12 years old. My friends are having babies now and I love it.
Why don't I want them now? Because when I have them, I want to be able to stay home. I cant fathom working full time, in the city, to come home and see them for an hour a night. To me, that doesn't make sense.
I don't have somoene to watch them-everyonw I know works, and daycare is 1400-1600 a month! It'd be most of my salary going to that 
Sorry for the vent..it's just frustrating!!
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Posted 10/11/10 11:18 AM  |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
Some people just don't understand that those questions are incredibly rude.
People have been asking the rude q's for years and years, and it seems to have no sign in stopping. Obviously having a kid in this day and age is a lot of work, time and MONEY! It's no one's business how you handle that!
I think family is a relative thing and it's what you make of it. There are those who believe a family is JUST a mom, dad, and kids, and that is all they will ever see it as. So even though we marry, we're not considered a real "family" until kids, in the eyes of some more close minded individuals.
DH and I have been a family since the day we got together, and when we have a baby, that baby will be an addition to an ALREADY existing family.
Message edited 10/11/2010 2:35:56 PM.
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| Posted 10/11/10 12:13 PM |
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Sweetwine29
LIF Infant
Member since 9/10 158 total posts
Name:
Brandy
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Re: Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
I hate when people ask me this!!! Especially when they were asking me a week after our wedding! I think since a lot of people these days have babies BEFORE they get married, it makes those of us who are waiting look like we don't WANT kids....the whole dynamic has changed from 'get married, buy a house, have good jobs, and then have kids' to 'meet a guy, get pregnant, get married if you want, and don't worry about a career or a house'. My best friend (2 unplanned pregnancies, 2 dads, and has no money) and a friend of DH's are in this situation, and it's DH's friends mom who constantly asks when we're having a baby. Her son had 2 kids (unplanned) and has a low paying job and moved to Florida because he thought it was cheaper....we're doing the "right" thing, and have been married just a year, and didn't want to have a baby simply because it's the next thing on the list.
I give  to those women who have to listen to this very personal, very ANNOYING, and very often repeated question because they are choosing to wait for the best time to have a baby. I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!!!
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| Posted 10/11/10 1:30 PM |
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PearlJamChick
No one sings like you anymore.
Member since 7/10 9264 total posts
Name:
Petticoated Swashbuckler
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Re: Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
I know exactly how you feel. We've been married only four months and people have been asking. And one of the things that we both agreed on early in the relationship is that we don't want kids - at all.
So when people get all pushy and ask, I tell them we don't want children. Then they act like we'll be incomplete, which is followed up by me telling them we don't particularly LIKE children, so why would we have any? (Which is always met with horrified looks...well, THEY ASKED!)
I particularly hate when people ask one friend of mine. She's in her late 30's and she and her DH cannot have children...the look on her face when people ask makes me so sad. And of course the person ends up putting their foot in their mouth and feels like a total jerk, and rightfully so.
I wish people would just live and let live. As a PP stated, DH and I are already a family...the two of us and our three kitties, that's all we need and all we want!
And if there were ever a place where people understand what you're talking about, it's right here in this section of LIF
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| Posted 10/11/10 2:12 PM |
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IrishLasss334
I'll be there soon!
Member since 1/08 6549 total posts
Name:
Patty
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Re: Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
It totally sucks, I completely understand. I've gotten the question myself and people don't realize how insensitive their questioning really is.
For you it's a choice at this point in time, for me it is not my choice and sometimes I'm nice about it, and honestly, sometimes if I'm in a "snitty" mood, I will throw out a "well I just wasn't that lucky..." or sometimes a little more...it depends.
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| Posted 10/11/10 11:24 PM |
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drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!
Member since 6/07 8274 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
omg I am with you!!!!!
I have these idiots in my life asking us the same thing, or making comments because we are married 3+ years... as if it's our "obligation" to have kids... give me a break.
I'd like to tell them "F---You, mind your own business" but I am always (well, usually) pretty polite, depending on who it is. Sometimes I lose my temper & say something nasty.... one was a priest (family friend) who asked & I told him "I'll have kids when you have kids, how bout that?"... that shut him up.
We haven't even decided if we want kids EVER, and definitely not in the near future.... but how can a person think it's okay to ask that?? what if I were having trouble getting pregnant, or what if I had a miscarriage they didn't know about, etc. etc? I think it is just BEYOND rude & annoys me to no end 
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| Posted 10/11/10 11:40 PM |
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photoshopbabe
wow....
Member since 5/07 2197 total posts
Name:
linda
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Re: Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
Posted by drpepper318
omg I am with you!!!!!
I have these idiots in my life asking us the same thing, or making comments because we are married 3+ years... as if it's our "obligation" to have kids... give me a break.
I'd like to tell them "F---You, mind your own business" but I am always (well, usually) pretty polite, depending on who it is. Sometimes I lose my temper & say something nasty.... one was a priest (family friend) who asked & I told him "I'll have kids when you have kids, how bout that?"... that shut him up.
We haven't even decided if we want kids EVER, and definitely not in the near future.... but how can a person think it's okay to ask that?? what if I were having trouble getting pregnant, or what if I had a miscarriage they didn't know about, etc. etc? I think it is just BEYOND rude & annoys me to no end
gosh, i agree 100% with all of this!!!
what if i couldnt have kids? what if something was wrong?
a few times i have answered with..."you cant get preg from the butt, can u?"
 shut them up REAL quick!!!!!!
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| Posted 10/12/10 10:17 AM |
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EBG10
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/10 642 total posts
Name:
Erin
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Re: Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
does this mean you want me to stop telling ur boo to pull the goalie and leave it in???
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| Posted 10/12/10 10:31 AM |
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photoshopbabe
wow....
Member since 5/07 2197 total posts
Name:
linda
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Re: Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
Posted by EBG10
does this mean you want me to stop telling ur boo to pull the goalie and leave it in???
lol oh boo i dont mean u  i heart u!!!!!! this isnt meant for u or any of my FRIENDS..lol
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| Posted 10/12/10 10:35 AM |
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EBG10
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/10 642 total posts
Name:
Erin
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Re: Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
Posted by photoshopbabe
Posted by EBG10
does this mean you want me to stop telling ur boo to pull the goalie and leave it in???
lol oh boo i dont mean u i heart u!!!!!! this isnt meant for u or any of my FRIENDS..lol
OoOoOOo, i know.. i'm just teasinggg... i heart you more Linda!!!
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| Posted 10/12/10 10:37 AM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
Posted by IrishLass
It totally sucks, I completely understand. I've gotten the question myself and people don't realize how insensitive their questioning really is.
For you it's a choice at this point in time, for me it is not my choice and sometimes I'm nice about it, and honestly, sometimes if I'm in a "snitty" mood, I will throw out a "well I just wasn't that lucky..." or sometimes a little more...it depends.
This is why people should shut the fcuk up and mind their own. I am so angry for you.
This topic has been discussed on here quite frequently; we get it. Vent away!
For us, it's a bit different because dh and i have been together for almost 10 years, married for 3 and everyone knows we never wanted kids so its not an issue for us anymore, BUT people who barely know me (say a work acquaintance) will ask if I have kids, I say "no"; they say "planning?" I say "no" and get the same look you describe, to which I add "I'll take a furry kid over a real one any day!!"
eta: We have also discussed on here that lots of parents are miserable, and some of us on here have gotten the impression that people will pressure you to have kids because misery loves company.
Message edited 10/19/2010 8:25:25 AM.
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| Posted 10/19/10 8:21 AM |
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dfw343
LIF Infant
Member since 7/10 246 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
you are a very smart girl. Most people on LI have kids way to early b/c of pressure and end up getting divorced. The rate in LI is alarming! MY Dh was married before with kids and that is the reason why IMO. Him and ex are on good terms. I feel they just got married too young and had kids wayyy too fast.
You have plenty of time. You are smart to wait until you have the finances to stay home.
By the time you have kids, your marriage will be so solid there will be nothing you can't handle! KIDS are TOUGH. Just me, DH, the BM, and DH have our hands full with 3 kids (BM's DH has a daughter).
I am 43 and people ask all of the time. Don't they get? I am 43? The odds are against me. STFU!
The nice people just compliment my step Mother role and admire my relationship with my SDs.
Just reply "we are working on it". That's what I say.
One of my friends I know has not gotten preggers in like 5 years. I know she wants kids so I never ask to upset her. I am sure she is frustrated, KWIM?
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| Posted 10/19/10 8:41 AM |
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SusiBee
. . . . .
Member since 3/09 8268 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
It is such a personal and rude question to ask.
It's not meant to be for me and that question is really hurtful.
I usually respond with an answer or another question that has nothing to do with children, something like "Did you know that red wine is my favorite drink ?" Then I walk away.
Totally throws off the asker and makes THEM feel uncomfortable.
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| Posted 10/19/10 9:22 AM |
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jasmine
little boy blue <3
Member since 10/10 1475 total posts
Name:
x
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Re: Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
we actually have the opposite situation. together 8+ years, married 2.5 years, great jobs, no debt, etc and NOBODY has asked us "so when are you having kids?????"
Makes us feel self conscious. Do people not think we should?
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| Posted 10/19/10 3:00 PM |
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MichLiz213
Life is Good!
Member since 7/07 7979 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
I could have written this myself, and we're the same age and got married at the same age too!
My biggest problem is I put so much pressure on myself about when to start a family that I don't need everyone else doing it too! My parents and DH's parents don't ask, but my aunts are CONSTANTLY nagging at every family function.
I hear you, it's frustrating. 
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| Posted 10/19/10 11:43 PM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
Posted by jasmine
we actually have the opposite situation. together 8+ years, married 2.5 years, great jobs, no debt, etc and NOBODY has asked us "so when are you having kids?????"
Makes us feel self conscious. Do people not think we should?
I wonder the same thing. I think my friends & in-laws want me to, my family doesn't! Mostly b/c my mom doesn't wanna babysit! 
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| Posted 10/20/10 10:05 AM |
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bird382
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Member since 7/07 1712 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just a little vent..excuse me if you will...
Posted by jasmine
we actually have the opposite situation. together 8+ years, married 2.5 years, great jobs, no debt, etc and NOBODY has asked us "so when are you having kids?????"
Makes us feel self conscious. Do people not think we should?
Same here! My inlaws and some friends keep asking us the kids question, but NOT A PEEP from my family in the 6 years we've been married. I guess my parents just don't want to be grandparents?
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| Posted 10/20/10 10:18 AM |
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