Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

We just got married on June 10th. We both have careers, we just bought a house and always thought we would want to have a baby right away. I will be turning 26 and DH 29 in a few weeks. But SO MANY people we know tell us to wait 3-5 yrs. before having kids, enjoy each other, blah blah blah, but our question is what are we waiting for when we have everything else we want? I know we are going to here some comments if we get pregnant so soon after our wedding, but shouldnt it be what we want and what is best for us? Why do people always give their two cents where it isnt wanted?

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

Who cares what people say? People who care about you somtimes think its their RIGHT to say what you should or shouldnt do. An opinion is one thing but to make you feel like your decision may be the wrong one is uncalled for and you shouldnt have to defend your reasons. But at the same time, their advice might be from knowledge....Hard to say..

I think its important to only care about what you want though.

Me and my husband started TTC BEFORE our wedding...about 10 weeks before,..we didnt think it would happen right away and if it did, great...We didnt care what anyone would have said if we had conceived early..It was our choice...we had been living together for over 3 years , our marriage was just a celebration, not a time to "start everything" so to speak.

GOOD LUCK!

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

We discussed this very close to the time we were married this past February. I told DH that though I ran the risk of sounding cliche, my "clock was ticking." Sure if we knew each other and married young, we would have waited. But due to my age and family history, we felt it best to get started now after we paid down some wedding debt and living expenses. I think he would still like to wait, but I am not a risk taker and there is more risk with age - plain and simple.

ETA:
Many people told us to start right away. Some people, even close family, told us to wait - that we were not financially stable enough. Is anyone?

Message edited 7/1/2006 6:33:54 PM.

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

people will always have an opinion about everything. Which is fine, but there is certainly no reason to listen to any of them ;)

It took DH and I eight years to get married. We heard ALL THE COMMENTS in the world about why we were waiting so long, why weren't we in a big rush, etc. We did what works for us! And that goes for TTC'ing too. And buying a house. And getting another pet. And everything!



For us there wasn't this grand moment when we decided to start trying. It was just like, you wanna? And then when we opened up that door to figuring out if we really wanted to, we both realized we REALLY DID want to, and so we started trying. (if that makes any sense)

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says or does. Both of you will know when it's best for you! That's the most important thing! Good luck!

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

It dosn't matter what other people say only what is right for you and DH! I know people who started before they were married. Me and DH discussed this before we got married too. And we got pg on the honeymoon! We got some comments like oh don't you think you should've waited.. Blah blah blah but it's nobody's business but yours! We are TTC right away again after the m/c. When your ready your ready and that all that matters! Good Luck!!


By the way mjc... give me some of that patience dust!

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

first and foremost...you and yoru DH have to decide what YOU TWO want....

But as far as we are concerned age was a BIG factor as to TTC.

I am 33 and i tink that i do not want to wait an longer in fear of issues or complications....

I have to say i agree with the people who are telling you wait and enjoy your marraige...If i was married at 25 i would in fact wait 3 years before starting TTC.

I would go on many trips and do lots of things with my DH before deciding to have children...

But that is me.

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

and to be honest...i think people give their 2 cents because they have been through it and know what they would have wanted to do...

You know what they say about hindsight....

I don't think they are trying to be rude or mean about it....I think if you were my friend i would be honest and tell you what i thought.
You should appreciate a little honesty...IMO.

It doesn't mean you have to listen and it certainly doesn't mean that anyone won't be happy for you if you chose to not listen to what they say....


jmho

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

You definitely have to do what right for you and what you want to do.

We knew we wanted to start right away after we got married. We both can't wait to have kids. Plus, I have PCOS which could cause problems with getting pregnant. Also DH is 41 and and I'm 33 so we really didn't want to wait too lon to start trying. We 've been married for 8 months and been trying for about 6. We're kind of hopeful this month though!

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

I hear both sides all the time. Some people harass me everyday asking me WHEN? WHEN? WHEN? NOW! NOW! NOW!, and then others say wait until you are over 30. Well, what we want is somewere between now and then, so you will never please everyone.
I feel like you, we are fiancially ready, have our house and little to no debt, and we both love and want a baby soon, but we have some things to do first. Like we just got back from a 2 week trip to Italy and Greece. It was something we wanted to do before we had kids, and there are some other trips and things left to do. We were dating for a long time before we got married, and next April wil be 10 years dating (2.5 years married) so we decided that will be a good time to make a decision

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

I remember it clearly!

it was a Friday evening, we both just got home from work and were venting about the crappy week we both just had and how we hate the real estate market here - we were SO frustrated!

I said to him "you know what honey, lets stop using BC and see what happens"!

it came out NOWHERE! it was so weird. it was a thought that popped into my head and I just blurted it out he said "ok"

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

We lived together for 4 years before we got married. I am also 26, and everyone consistently tells me to wait, and enjoy our married life first as a couple. For me, its a bit different, because we already had that for 4 years, and now married for a year is 5.

We felt it really is important to first get to know each other as a couple, and than have a baby where our lives will turn from being about 'us' to about 'them'. However, being that we already lived together for 5 years - I don't think its an issue.

For us, we are waiting until we are ready. I just don't think we really are. All our married friends having kids, but we are just not ready. Plus, i will be completing my MBA hopefully next year, and than we can reconsider. For now, my school and our 'time alone' is important to us.

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

Well I am a planner and I wanted to have much control as possible as to when we were going to TTC. The most important thing for me was that finiancially we were okay and I was done with my Masters degree. I wanted all the time I can have with her, so I am soooooo happy I don't have to worry about that, I finished my degree 2 weeks before she was born . Other then that I always wanted to be a young mom, I've dreamt of being a Mother since I was a little girl. We got pg 10 months after being married, we've been together for 9 years. Do what's right for you and don't worry what others will say, it;s your life!

Message edited 7/2/2006 4:16:11 PM.

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

definately do what you feel is best for the two of you. in my opinion at 26 you still are a young bride, I was married at 22, we closed on our house the week we got married. And Im very glad we took a year & 1/2 to wait. We still arent "trying", plotting the good days to try it and stuff. Dh says let god decide.



It definately takes time to adjust unpacking, living with each other. Taking a 1/2 year, or year to enjoy each other isnt much time now, but once you find out your pregnant its a big life change(good, but big). Totally changes trips, leaving the house, having to find a babysitter if you do want to leave the baby home, and many moms who plan to go back to work after they give birth end up staying home because they dont want their baby in someone elses cares and thats a very big life change

Editted for side note- my dh has wanted a baby since our honeymoon.

Message edited 7/3/2006 12:03:41 AM.

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

DH and I really want kids too. WE just got married and aren't officially TTC'ing but if it happens it happens. I am going to be 26 and DH is 27. WE have lived together for 4 years already and look forward to starting a family. However, we have a lot of issues to work out with each other. We tend to argue a lot and he doesnt want to bring that onto a baby. He wants to be able to get a long and communicate better before we really really try to have a child. I really wanted to try after the wedding but I think he wants to try naturally. Imean we are both still young.

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

We were married for 4 years. Been together for 11. Have vacationed a lot, house hunting now. We always went back and forth on the topic. Then DH was diagnosed with varioceles. That was the push we needed. So we got pregnant, and it is exciting, but everything changes. I am glad we were together so long, just the two of us. We have a super solid foundation.

good luck and congrats on the wedding!

ETA: we are both 28

Message edited 7/3/2006 10:27:45 AM.

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

I am 30 and DH is 27. We were married on April 15th and we are TTC now. I just came off the pill after the wedding so my cycles are a little screwey. It may take a while for us to concieve, who knows......you need to do what is right for you both....good luck with everything.

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

DH and I started talking about soon after we got married (about 8 months ago). We both decided we would try in about a year or so. We already had a house, and careers, so it was just a matter of when we would feel comfortable. I always knew I wanted babies, and wanted to be a mother, and it was more of waiting for DH to be ready. I didnt want to pressure him at all, and knew that he would be ready one day. So, sometime in May, I was out all day with my Mom, and DH had gone fishing. I came home, and then he came home right after I did, and was being all mushy with me. He told me that he was ready to be a dad, and we started talking about it some more. So, the next month after AF, we started trying (that was last month). It really is so adorable, because DH is just as obssessed with it as I am. He is constantly asking me what names I like, and things like that. I love the fact that he is like this. I know he is just as excited as I am to get pregnant and have babies.

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

I said to DH "do you want to start now?" He said "Ok" and that was it

We didn't' really give it much thought Sometimes you can over think something.

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

We were ready even before we got married but had to hold off because my job laid me off. So now about a year later we are ready to try in September.

I had major baby fever before we got married and so did DH he wanted a baby too but I think by us waiing a year was a good thing because we got enjoy each other and travel a little bit.

But now I am definately more that ready. :

Message edited 7/3/2006 11:57:55 AM.

Re: Just wondering how you and DH decided you were ready to have a baby

We were 33 and 37 when we got married.

Nuff said