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Laura1976
Member since 5/05 5754 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Keeping twins separate or together in school
For moms with twins, when the time came, did you decide to keep your twins together or put them in different classrooms? What was your reasoning and how did it work out in the long run.
I've got 4 year old twins, next year for kindergarten, 'll have to make a decision. My DD seems to keep tabs of my DS and looks out for him to a degree, but my DS doesn't seem to care if she's there or not.
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Posted 8/11/12 1:43 PM  |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
At our school, twins are kept together in kindergarten and separated every year after that. I believe the thought is that going to K is a big enough transition.
But our school is small and half day K, so we have 1 morning class and 1 afternoon class. They might keep them together to make it easier for the family logistics-wise.
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| Posted 8/11/12 2:19 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
We are separating for K.
They have been in the same daycare class since 18 months old and were in the same Pre-K class in the same school they will be in for K.
I was on the fence about it until early spring.
My DD is miles ahead in reading but math/numbers is a different story.
My DS is miles ahead in math/numbers/measurement and a not as advanced in reading as she is.
I can tell he's feeling competitive with her. He always looks at what she is doing, usually it's trying to read a certain book above his level. He's twin B and he definitely defers to her, perhaps too much. He looks to her. He also always prefers to play with the girls over the boys and almost always with her.
He always wanted to know what #page/song DD was up to in the piano book so I asked the teacher to give them different songs so no one was "ahead of" the other.
They are attending a private school for K. The principal would have allowed me to keep them together but in light of the above, and numerous adult twins whom I have posed the same question to, we decided to separate them. They'll have slightly different h.w. and classwork.
This fall will also be the first time they differentiate one of their after school activities.
I work with a 30 year old woman who was Twin A. Her brother could never make a move w/o her. Even after he was engaged he'd still call her for advice before he called his fiancee. One day she finally had to remind him she loved him but he had to call his fiancee first.  and she wasn't taking his calls until he spoke to his soon to be wife first!!! From very early on, it's her stories that largely convinced me to separate them
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| Posted 8/11/12 8:17 PM |
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fdnywife
Mommy of 3 and 4 rescues
Member since 9/09 1841 total posts
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
Do you have the choice? I never thought about it. I believe in my school I have never had twins in the same classroom.
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| Posted 8/12/12 8:32 AM |
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Michelle
My Little Yankee Fans
Member since 1/06 4018 total posts
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
I have identical twin boys and I requested that they be kept together for K. I had a hard time with the principal with this, but it was something I felt strong about, and even their pre k teacher felt was necessary for them.
Each set of twins is different and some need to be together and some it is better to separate. They also say depending on the type of twins it sometimes matters. Identical are closer and it is more traumatic, fraternal same sex less traumatic and then boy girl twins even less.
I would have liked to maybe kept them together a bit longer but the principal was adamant about separating in first grade.
In the same classroom my kids did not only talk to each other or play with each other, but they went their separate ways when in the same room, it was a comfort thing knowing that they were there. Once one was absent they became hyper focused on where their brother was. It also makes things much easier since it is a new school, new hours and easier for the parents since you can go to everything and not miss stuff that is scheduled at the same time. Much easier to explain this to 1st graders then k's.
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| Posted 8/12/12 9:42 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
We only had one kindergarten in our school so my sister & I were in it together. For the rest of the grades, my mom always requested we be separated.
As a twin, I think it's really important for twins to maintain their own identity. If I had twins, I would have separated them in kindergarten.
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| Posted 8/12/12 8:52 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
Posted by nrthshgrl
We only had one kindergarten in our school so my sister & I were in it together. For the rest of the grades, my mom always requested we be separated.
As a twin, I think it's really important for twins to maintain their own identity. If I had twins, I would have separated them in kindergarten.
I'm glad you posted.
Whenever I meet someone and are told they are a twin I bring up this subject.
My neighbor's identical twin boys are off to college next week. He told me he's disappointed that they won't be walking out onto the field in matching jerseys in college. One of his sons will be playing on his college team, the other (different school, 5 hour drive between) has chosen to just play club sports.
When one of his sons heard the above he said to his him, "Dad, we are different people, we need to take our own path but that doesn't mean we won't be together again in the future. We need these years for people to know us as individuals, not just "The R Twins". He said, in his heart, he knew he was right.
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| Posted 8/12/12 10:48 PM |
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CunningOne
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Member since 5/05 26975 total posts
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
I don't have twins and I am not a twin. But I have a brother who is 10 months older than me and my mom held him back and put us through school together. Everyone thought we were twins and I think we explained that we weren't from K through 8th grade when we finally went to different HS.
Anyway, we were never in the same class. We did go to a private school, but luckily, there were enough students in each grade to have 2 classes. I liked doing my own thing and having my own friends. I was thrilled we got to go to different high schools!
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| Posted 8/12/12 11:28 PM |
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Michelle
My Little Yankee Fans
Member since 1/06 4018 total posts
Name:
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
Posted by nrthshgrl
We only had one kindergarten in our school so my sister & I were in it together. For the rest of the grades, my mom always requested we be separated.
As a twin, I think it's really important for twins to maintain their own identity. If I had twins, I would have separated them in kindergarten.
While this works for some twins, it does not work for all. As a mom of twins, I want each set of twins to be looked at individually when making decisions regarding placement. And to look at what is best for those two kids entering school. It is a shame that some principals just see the negative aspect of them together. And force the individuality card. Each set of twins interact differently, there are two other sets in their grade and we were the only ones that kept theirs together, and mine were the only identical set. The other sets separating was ideal for them, for us, it wasn't. I think all 3 of us made the right decision, not a decision based on all twins should be separated but what would be best for our kids. One set is BG twins and the other are fraternal boy twins, so their dynamic is very different then identicals.
To this day my kids want to be in the same class and they don't understand why they will never be in class together, not based on which placement is better for them, but because they will always be separated and then placed. Which IMO is not taking the needs of my kids into consideration.
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| Posted 8/14/12 7:22 AM |
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marycpa
LIF Adolescent
Member since 7/07 635 total posts
Name:
Mary
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
We are keeping them together for K.
At least they will have each other in an unknown environment. We have a choice in K but not in the future grades.
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| Posted 8/14/12 9:04 PM |
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InShock
life is good
Member since 10/06 9258 total posts
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
Posted by Michelle
One set is BG twins and the other are fraternal boy twins, so their dynamic is very different then identicals.
I'm not a twin mom (nor a twin myself), but I'm just curious about the above statement. What makes identical twins relationships different from fraternal? I know the biological difference, but just wondering how that translates to the social/emotional realm (which is what I gather you're referring to).
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| Posted 8/14/12 9:57 PM |
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maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
my sister and I (well, i guess my parents) were not given the choice.
in my opinion, seperate them. let them form bonds with their own friends and begin to learn indepedantly from each other. they are together most of the time anyway.
competition amongst each other is very possible and tough for twins in every instance of their being. more than likely, they will do better indendant of each other.
now, just wait until one gets invited to a birthday party and the other does not   good times ahead!
ETA - we are identical. Who knows how it would have been if we were together but being seperated through most grades (with the exception of middle/HS honors classes) was a good thing in my opinion.
Funny enough, even though we took different classes and excelled in different areas, we still graduated 20 and 21 in our class meaning, we got basically the same exact grades on everything.
Message edited 8/16/2012 4:36:20 PM.
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| Posted 8/16/12 4:34 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
Posted by maymama
my sister and I (well, i guess my parents) were not given the choice.
in my opinion, seperate them. let them form bonds with their own friends and begin to learn indepedantly from each other. they are together most of the time anyway.
competition amongst each other is very possible and tough for twins in every instance of their being. more than likely, they will do better indendant of each other.
now, just wait until one gets invited to a birthday party and the other does not good times ahead!
ETA - we are identical. Who knows how it would have been if we were together but being seperated through most grades (with the exception of middle/HS honors classes) was a good thing in my opinion.
Funny enough, even though we took different classes and excelled in different areas, we still graduated 20 and 21 in our class meaning, we got basically the same exact grades on everything.
Great! Another adult twin perspective!
OK, now this is getting weird because both Maymama and her sister were in my AP History class So, yeah I've taught some sets of twins too.
For the life of me, it's been a while (where is the old teacher icon ) I can't remember if you were in the same section. I think you were but there were only two sections and that can't be avoided. Maybe it's that you sat in nearly the exact same desk. I had no idea you graduated #20 and 21... I knew you were up at the top of the class but didn't know one was right behind the other.
OK, now admit it... did one of you ever take one of my tests for the other? I do remember being able to tell you apart.
Message edited 8/16/2012 9:15:32 PM.
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| Posted 8/16/12 9:13 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
Posted by nrthshgrl
We only had one kindergarten in our school so my sister & I were in it together. For the rest of the grades, my mom always requested we be separated.
As a twin, I think it's really important for twins to maintain their own identity. If I had twins, I would have separated them in kindergarten.
I agree with this.
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| Posted 8/16/12 11:23 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
Posted by Michelle
Posted by nrthshgrl
We only had one kindergarten in our school so my sister & I were in it together. For the rest of the grades, my mom always requested we be separated.
As a twin, I think it's really important for twins to maintain their own identity. If I had twins, I would have separated them in kindergarten.
While this works for some twins, it does not work for all. As a mom of twins, I want each set of twins to be looked at individually when making decisions regarding placement. And to look at what is best for those two kids entering school. It is a shame that some principals just see the negative aspect of them together. And force the individuality card. Each set of twins interact differently, there are two other sets in their grade and we were the only ones that kept theirs together, and mine were the only identical set. The other sets separating was ideal for them, for us, it wasn't. I think all 3 of us made the right decision, not a decision based on all twins should be separated but what would be best for our kids. One set is BG twins and the other are fraternal boy twins, so their dynamic is very different then identicals.
To this day my kids want to be in the same class and they don't understand why they will never be in class together, not based on which placement is better for them, but because they will always be separated and then placed. Which IMO is not taking the needs of my kids into consideration.
But how old are your boys? When would you have separated them? I ask because I think twins can become too dependent on each other & it's not healthy.
I'm not sure what you are disagreeing with in my post. Is the part where I said that I think it's really important for twins to maintain separate identities? or if I had twins I'd separate them in Kindergarten?
Message edited 8/17/2012 9:06:19 AM.
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| Posted 8/17/12 9:05 AM |
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maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH
Posted by maymama
my sister and I (well, i guess my parents) were not given the choice.
in my opinion, seperate them. let them form bonds with their own friends and begin to learn indepedantly from each other. they are together most of the time anyway.
competition amongst each other is very possible and tough for twins in every instance of their being. more than likely, they will do better indendant of each other.
now, just wait until one gets invited to a birthday party and the other does not good times ahead!
ETA - we are identical. Who knows how it would have been if we were together but being seperated through most grades (with the exception of middle/HS honors classes) was a good thing in my opinion.
Funny enough, even though we took different classes and excelled in different areas, we still graduated 20 and 21 in our class meaning, we got basically the same exact grades on everything.
Great! Another adult twin perspective!
OK, now this is getting weird because both Maymama and her sister were in my AP History class So, yeah I've taught some sets of twins too.
For the life of me, it's been a while (where is the old teacher icon ) I can't remember if you were in the same section. I think you were but there were only two sections and that can't be avoided. Maybe it's that you sat in nearly the exact same desk. I had no idea you graduated #20 and 21... I knew you were up at the top of the class but didn't know one was right behind the other.
OK, now admit it... did one of you ever take one of my tests for the other? I do remember being able to tell you apart.
different sections  and no, we never took tests for one another
BUT my mom did have us switch classes in Kindergarden on April Fools Day! Another benefit to being in seperate classes  
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| Posted 8/17/12 1:25 PM |
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Michelle
My Little Yankee Fans
Member since 1/06 4018 total posts
Name:
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
Posted by InShock
Posted by Michelle
One set is BG twins and the other are fraternal boy twins, so their dynamic is very different then identicals.
I'm not a twin mom (nor a twin myself), but I'm just curious about the above statement. What makes identical twins relationships different from fraternal? I know the biological difference, but just wondering how that translates to the social/emotional realm (which is what I gather you're referring to).
In researching keeping my two together or not, research has shown that in general identicals are closer and more attached and separating them too early can be traumatic for them. It is because they have the same DNA and the same enviornment growing up. and doing anything that can cause trauma in school is not recommended be haze you can shape how they feel about school for the rest of their school years. I am sure this does not correlate to 100% of identical twins and there may be fraternal BG twins that are closer and more attached then mine were, but in general. I know for my two they had a different dynamic then other kids and were not held back because of their attachment. The comfort of the other in the room made it easier for them to form separate bonds with different kids in the classroom because they didn't
Feel that they were being forced apart. I don't think evey twin should go to k thru 12 together and be mirror images of each other, I am all for celebrating their differences and their own likes but I think blanket agreements for how every set of twins is a bad idea. I also think that every parent is entitled to their own opinion and the schools should work with the parents instead of following hard and fast rules regarding twins.
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| Posted 8/20/12 6:36 AM |
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Michelle
My Little Yankee Fans
Member since 1/06 4018 total posts
Name:
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
Posted by nrthshgrl
But how old are your boys? When would you have separated them? I ask because I think twins can become too dependent on each other & it's not healthy.
I'm not sure what you are disagreeing with in my post. Is the part where I said that I think it's really important for twins to maintain separate identities? or if I had twins I'd separate them in Kindergarten?
My boys will be 7 next week I would separate them when I and their teachers felt that it would be the best for them. Not a decision based on the principal's arbitrary rules placed on them prior to them even starting school. IMO each year they should reevaluate what class they would be in and what would be the best for them. Maybe them begin separate at this point is what it best. But if they both needed to be in the inclusion class and they won't put them together what happens to one of them? They don't get the help they need? What if one teacher would be the best fit for both for boys? One always gets not the best for them.
You have your opinion based on your relationship with your twin and how you were raised and that is fine and what worked best for you and your twin. You are not wrong in thinking what you think, I am sure it was what was best for you two. I just hate that everyone in the general sense thinks that they know what is right for every single set of twins. Every parent knows their children best and they should be involved in making the decision on placement. I just worry that people saying what they would and wouldn't do when they are not in the situation and not looking at the children involved is a dangerous statement to make. You can foster independence and have independent children while in the same classroom. maybe that is not the norm but it can happen. There were times in first grade that said it might have been beneficial for them to be kept together this year, and it sucks that were not looked at as what was best for them but let's follow a blanket policy not based on any set of facts. My two didn't cling to each other and only focus on each other. Bring together helped them be more confident and outgoing to others since they were a little more comfortable just by being in the same room. When separate they are shyer and more closed off. My main point is that every single set of twins is different and independent and the schools don't tend to foster that all the times, even in my district each school handles it differently.
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| Posted 8/20/12 6:51 AM |
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MrsDrMatt
Live and RUN like a Ninja!
Member since 5/06 3104 total posts
Name:
MrsDrMatt
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
I have identical twins (3 years old). We plan on separating them in first grade.
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| Posted 8/20/12 9:21 AM |
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anti36
LIF Zygote
Member since 5/12 14 total posts
Name:
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
I have 5 year old twin girls entering kindergarten in Sept. They have been separated since pre-k. It has been the best thing for them. We have had occasions when one has been invited to a birthday party without the other and we have made the best out of it. I usually attend the birthday party and my husband or grandparent will take the other one to the movies or some other kid friendly place while her sister is at the party.
While I was pregnant I received a lot of advice about keeping them together or separating them. Most of the ppl I met told me to keep them together no matter what. However, this did not work for my girls. During Pre-school, we realized pretty early how very dependent on each other they were to the point of being a distraction to the teachers, classroom and each other.
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| Posted 8/20/12 11:25 AM |
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maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
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Re: Keeping twins separate or together in school
My sister and I were in pre-k together. I have vivid memories. She was a crier in pre-k. As soon as my mother would drop us off, she was hysterical. I cannot even tell you how damaging that was for me - to try to understand and to cope with. Why was she crying? Should I have been crying? Did she know something I didnt? Why was she so upset...
I remember being 3.5 years old and my sister being so emotionally upset. One teacher was trying to distract me, to being me back to circle time or whatever while another was trying to calm my sister (i wanted to stay with my sister - to the point that I was getting emotionally upset to the point of tears). I remember bringing her my jacket because I thought holding something familiar would make her feel better. I was more concerned with her emotional well being then with what was going on in the class.
If I had not been in the class, I would not have witnessed it. Being in the same class at that point GAVE ME emotional stress that I would have not had, had I not been in the class. Twins feed off each other. She is stressed, that stresses me which validates her stress.
Twins are SO emotionally bonded. Even to this day - if my sister is upset over anything, I feel it in my core. If she is in need of something - I will go without so that she can have.
I really feel like it is important for twins to experience things seperately as going through trying times together may hold one or both back. Its like taking one step back. In pre-k - my sister looked at me and felt validated in being so upset because I was starting to get upset? Does that make sense? It can be a vicious cycle. I was distracted from what I was supposed to be doing because I was so concerned for her. That is OK and totally NORMAL and a great thing - but not in a learning, structured environment. Of course, I think I am an overly sympathetic and empathetic person today because of it.
This happened a lot.
Seperating twins also forces them to make independant decisions. When we were together, we would make decisions together. Look to each other for reinforcement and approval before picking a flavor ice cream or deciding on a game to play etc. They need to be able to make decisions without looking for approval from the other twin. Start early! The longer you wait, the harder it is.
Message edited 8/20/2012 2:13:37 PM.
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| Posted 8/20/12 2:11 PM |
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