Ladies, I need help

DH just called me. SS(19yrs old) and BM have been venomously fighting again for the past 2 weeks or so. DH tells me tonight that he has had it and wants to move SS into our "apartment" (it is a converted garage with an outside entrance we use it for storage right now). What can I say? I told Dh there is obviously no way I can sayno, but there would have to be VERY strict rules that SS is not used to. I have a baby and I can see this being a total disruption. Please give me advice, rules, etc... IDK

Re: Ladies, I need help

As you already said, you can't say no....But I would tell my DH that before anything concrete happens and even a shoe gets brought into the house, that the 3 of you need to have a sit down outlining exactly whats expected of him ( chores, curfew, loud music past certain times, eating together, rent if any etc etc...) ...Then I would set up a "probationary" period and see how it goes from there...

The most important thing is that you are all on the same page ( specificallly you and DH), and that this does not disrupt your everyday life in any way aside from positive.....Keep us posted !

ETA- I would also make it a rule that no-one aside from SS is to sleep at your home ( )

Message edited 8/20/2009 8:51:38 PM.

Re: Ladies, I need help

Posted by Bops

As you already said, you can't say no....But I would tell my DH that before anything concrete happens and even a shoe gets brought into the house, that the 3 of you need to have a sit down outlining exactly whats expected of him ( chores, curfew, loud music past certain times, eating together, rent if any etc etc...) ...Then I would set up a "probationary" period and see how it goes from there...

The most important thing is that you are all on the same page ( specificallly you and DH), and that this does not disrupt your everyday life in any way aside from positive.....Keep us posted !

ETA- I would also make it a rule that no-one aside from SS is to sleep at your home ( )

Re: Ladies, I need help

Including all of the above, I think that you have to also make sure that you go to court and stop giving the BM money for a son that will be in your custody. I know that is $$, but it would be absolutely ridiculous for you to be paying her for YOU to have him in your house.

I'm so sorry. I would take him in, but you need to make sure there are rules lined out, and if he breaks them, he is out!

Re: Ladies, I need help

What are the real reasons? DH might want to step in and "save" his son, but why can't he live with BM?

Is it normal 19yo/parent fighting because he thinks he is an adult or something specifally based on BM? Moving to your house might not help the situation and transfer the fighting to your house.

What does BM think? Can your DH and BM have a conversation about what is best for all of the parties involved?

Is this something to that you can agree to? It is your house too and you can say "no". Although prepare for backlash from your DH.

Do you pay BM child support? If he moves in with you that would change. Also, I don;t know your BM, but would that require going to court to change the order?

Then there are the house rules. A 19yo living in your "apartment" doesn't preclude him from being a member of the family.

Many to you.

Re: Ladies, I need help

Message edited 11/29/2011 4:48:35 PM.