Ladies who have taken care of a sick parent/grandparent

I need help/advice... most of you know the story with my father - he's on dialysis, very, very sick, had to move out of his house and sell it because my mother wanted a divorce and demanded that he buy her out of hte house (which he couldn't afford). The plan was for him to stay in FL until the weather got warmer and then to move to Philly to be closer to me and my brother, at which time he would stay at my house for a while until we found him a condo.

That's all changed because he just found out that he needs heart surgery ASAP. He has decided the best place to do it is in Philly so that if there are any complications, my brother and I can tend to him. That means that within the next 2-3 weeks he's moving up here and moving into my house, and I will be taking care of him after the surgery.

What do I do to get my house ready for him? Where do I look for referrals for nurses that come to the house? Where do I look for a helper to tend to him while I'm at work? What should I expect here? I'm feeling so unbelievably overwhelmed and I don't want my father to have even an inkling of how I feel because I want him to feel completely welcome in my home, so any advice or words of wisdom would be so appreciated

Re: Ladies who have taken care of a sick parent/grandparent

you can start off by contacting his doctor that will be doing the surgery....or the local hospital. They will know some agencies that deal with home care nurses. You'll need to know WHAT kind of nurse (LPN, RN, etc) and sometimes all you need is a nurses aide that can do basic things like change dressings, help with preparing meals, and keeping them company.

I doubt he'll need a hospital bed, but a room where he has easy bathroom access, entertainment, a window for fresh air, maybe on the 1st floor so he doesn't need to worry about stairs.

Maybe a magazine subscription that he will enjoy or his own Tivo unit filled with shows he might enjoy. I'm sure he'll be getting some sort of therapy as part of his recovery. Maybe some of the basics: socks, underwear, comfortable clothing.

Re: Ladies who have taken care of a sick parent/grandparent

Is it possible to get a weekly cleaning/laundry person to help you out? It sounds like you will have a lot on your plate and i'm sure it would help.

Re: Ladies who have taken care of a sick parent/grandparent

Re: Ladies who have taken care of a sick parent/grandparent

try to set everything up for him on one floor....so if he's going to be in a certain bedroom, make sure there's a bathroom with a shower near by so he doesn't have to do stairs, and if they can both be on the same floor as the kitchen, that would be good.
by a shower chair now, that way you have it on hand, also, a bed desk or one of the hospital bed stands with a tray, that way he can eat in bed. As for where to get nurses, I don't know of any place in Philly, maybe check with the hospital?

Good Luck!!!

Re: Ladies who have taken care of a sick parent/grandparent

Re: Ladies who have taken care of a sick parent/grandparent

While at the hospital they should assign a social worker to your fathers case, the social worker will help you work with his insurance company to get him home health nurses or help you apply for aid to get home nurses if they feel he needs them.

Re: Ladies who have taken care of a sick parent/grandparent

If you can afford it, my GMIL has a doctor who makes housecalls. You have to sign up for a year and promise you'll pay a year even if the patient doesn't make it. It made it a million times easier on my MIL who used to have to haul my Dh's grandma around to and fro all the appointments plus he was basically on call 24 hours a day to my GMIL-MIL because she had POA. So if she had a question about her oxygen or something the doc would call or come.

The Doc was coming to Oreland so I can pretty much guarantee he would come to your home since you guys live close.

Re: Ladies who have taken care of a sick parent/grandparent

When my grandmother moved in with my mom she contacted Catholic Services and they had someone on staff who was able to walk my family through the Medicare process so that she was able to get a home health care aide through them. It also allowed my grandmother to have a secondary health insurance, so the 20% of everything that my grandmother was responsible for was picked up by Medicare. There are also lawyers who specialize in this and have contacts to help expedite the process. I believe most elder care lawyers can help.

My mom had a bathroom pretty much converted to be handicapped accessible. I know you don't have the time and maybe not the need to do that, but maybe stop by a medical supply store and see if they have any advice on products that may help your dad. Perhaps a shower chair, those handles to help get in and out of the shower, etc.

She got my grandma one of those "I've fallen and can't get up monitors" It just made her feel better knowing that just in case something happened and my mom or the aide wasn't aware right away (maybe they were in another part of the house or it was the middle of the night) my grandmother could get the help she needed.

I'll let you know if I think of anything else.

ETA: I forgot that our church has a list of parishoners who visit sick and elderly parishoners during the week, my grandmother really looked forward to their visits just for someone else to talk to.

Message edited 1/30/2007 9:10:15 AM.

Re: Ladies who have taken care of a sick parent/grandparent

my grandmom lives in NJ right outside philly ( cinnaminson area), and she has a live-in aid. she had a stroke about a year and a half ago, and was in a nursing home for awhile (lol long story but she got kicked out), and the social worker there gave my parents names of home care agencies and places to call. so, i'm sure if you talk to the doctor/hospital that is doing the surgery, they have a social worker there who could put you in contact with someone...
maybe if its possible, put your dad on the first floor so that he doesn't have to go up and down steps much. my grandmom got lucky that everything in her house is on one floor...
now this is extreme, but my uncles are builders, so before my grandmom came home they redid her bathroom for her to make it more "accessible". they took out the tub, and it just has a stall shower now, so she does't have to step over the side of the tub. they put a pedistal sink so that a wheel chair could fit up next to it ( if she ever needs one)...

Re: Ladies who have taken care of a sick parent/grandparent

Thank you everyone - these are wonderful ideas. Thankfully, we live in a very large ranch house, and the guest bedroom is right next to the guest bathroom. We were going to take out the tub and install a shower stall but we don't have anytime, so I guess this weekend we'll remove the shower doors and put up a shower curtain instead, paint the room and install a few rods that he can hold onto when he's in the shower. I guess when he gets more information from the surgeon, I'll call the hospital and find out what they can refer to me.

Re: Ladies who have taken care of a sick parent/grandparent

I know you said that the bathroom is right next to his room but one of those bathromm chairs (it looks like a walker but is actually a seat with a bedpan in it and has a cover) he may be weak to actaully walk to the bathroom.

Re: Ladies who have taken care of a sick parent/grandparent

I cared for a great uncle when he was dying. A visting nurse is key - you can call the local Visiting Nurse Service, or you can call any health care agency. You may not need an RN, just a nurse's aid. Call his insurance first and see what they will cover.

You might need a hospital bed so that he can move it up and down to get in and out of it easily and on his own.

Special shower supplies - a pole so he can hold on and a chair to sit in, plus a moveable shower head.

Clothes that don't have a lot of buttoning, wide-tipped socks so his circulation is ok.

If his bedroom is upstairs, you might want to get him a mini-fridge to keep things to drink in.

A medicine-sorter-outer container, marked with days of the week. I also suggest being really on top of the meds - some meds can make people forgetful, then the overdose, or don't take them at all.

Good luck

Re: Ladies who have taken care of a sick parent/grandparent