Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

glad i stumbled across this post! i haven't gone through this yet (i'm about 6 week pregnant), but i've already had a talk with DH about this. my IL's live out of state and i know his mom is so excited to have her first grandchild... but i definitely do not want her staying in our house when we bring the baby home. it's just going to stress me out and i want the time alone to relax and get on a schedule with our new little baby.

i dont think i'll mind visitors at the hospital (i say that now), but i would hope they call first or at least let me know when they plan on coming and not just show up. same goes for visitors at our house after we bring the LO home.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

With my first DD, I was induced (overdue). My mom & sister were driving down from upstate (my labor was much shorter than we anticipated) and got to the hospital just as I started pushing. We didn’t want anyone else in the room during the labor/delivery…more relaxing that way. I think my mom & sister were annoyed, but it was our experience. They came in a few minutes after DD was born and got to spend an hour or so with us and baby before she was taken to the nursery.

My second DD, we got to the hospital 20 minutes before she was born, so no one had time to even get there

I prefer it to be just my husband & I....our family was thankfully understanding and waited.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

i felt stripped of a lot of dignity with my first labor/hospital stay. My parents came to the hospital while I was in labor. I never ever expected or wanted anyone on the delivery room with me while i was laboring except DH. The nurse invited my parents in without asking me. I love my parents. But I did not want people around me as I was squirming in pain looking sorry for me, telling me to breathe, or..sleeping (it was the middle of the night and they had both taken ambien before we told them I was in labor.) I asked them to leave when it got really really intense because i could not deal with being watched in that state and didnt want to have to worry about trying to keep my hooha covered so that my parents wouldnt be seeing all my privates as I squirmed around (no epi, so I was definitely in pain). after delivery, I was happy to have them for a little while. That night, I had a lot of friends visit. I was mixed--I liked it because I wanted them to see the baby, but I was also nursing and she was on my boob constantly, so many friends and their husband's saw my boobs. It was very very very uncomfortable.
Second baby--nobody wanted to come except close family, and second baby was easier nursing. She was on more of a schedule naturally--like every 2 hours instead of every 15 minutes. As for my second delivery--nobody was there except DH. It was again the middle of the night, but this time my parents were watching DD, so they came after I delivered and brought DD. It was a much better experience in terms of visitors.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

When I was giving birth I had an entire wall lined with students watching me. I opened my eyes in the middle of a push and saw them with their stupid faces all up in my space. They had originally asked for ONE person to be allowed in, which I thought was okay. Not 5 or 6 people.

Then after I had her there was no room for me to go so I had to stay in the L & D room. I had all of our friends visiting me in there- including DH's firement friends. I was pouring blood out onto the sheets and there was blood all over the floor. They didn't even TRY to clean up a little before they let my people in. My BIL looked like he was gonna faint and a friend of ours still has a pic of the bloody floor on his phone.

Needless to say- next time will be different.

Oh yeah- DH also allowed his dad to be in the room while I was squirming in pain. He just sat in the corner reading a book until I made him leave when the nurse was going to be doing an exam. Talk about uncomfortable.

Message edited 11/18/2010 11:53:37 AM.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

I didn't mind visitors though I wouldn't want anyone other then DH in the delivery with me. I had a C-section and I wish DH could have been there (I was knocked out so he wasn't allowed in )

But, if you don't want anyone, tell them that. Let them know how it makes you feel. As for MIL, I kind of agree with a couple of people - if your mom is there, it seems unfair that she can't be (again, NOT in the delivery room, but waiting.)

My friend's SIL & brother didn't want anyone at the hospital at all. It made my friend's mother so upset and hurt (the SIL mother was not there either - though I think it was mostly b/c she lives in another country.) I didn't understand why she was so upset, but just be prepared for that.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

Why would anybody other than your husband want to watch you give birth? I don't get this at all. What's the big deal about waiting until the next day? Or even waiting a few days if the mother doesn't want visitors in the hospital? I know some people get offended by "no visitors" policies -- I just don't get it. <shrug>

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

i told everyone flat out, no one in the room except my DH. My mom was there while i was in labor as was my SIL (she works in the hospital i delivered)
My best friend (godmother to my DS) came later with my dad as did my ILs but i asked them to leave when i was tired and uncomfortable. they all know how stubborn i am, so they had no choice but to leave.

i ended up with a c/s. when i found out my dad happened to get there at that time and one look at his face and i lost it. kicked everyone out of my room except for DH and my best friend. they all understood.

i had some visitors at the hospital but none i did not want. DH asked everytime someone wanted to stop by and if i didn't feel up to it, i just said no and he took care of it. none of them (except the ILs, which was a whole other argument) stayed for more than an hour, so it wasn't that bad.

I was very clear that no one was coming over when we got home from the hospital. my parents drove us, helped us upstairs and left after five minutes. no one else came over until two days later.

After that, i scheduled people. sounds silly but it was best for me. one set of visitors per day (no more than three people) and i took breaks in between days. everyone understood and did not stay long.

i think as long as you make your wishes clear ahead of time and keep on reminding everyone, you should get what you want. also, have DH on the same page and make sure he deals with people and not you

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

I didn't tell anyone I was in labor. That's it. It's not a social event.

i had too many visitors after. Thinking about it: I should have told people I wasn't feeling well enough for visitors.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

i totally get it..
but lets just say 2nd time around- no one really came anyway..
It was during the whole flu thing anyway- so kids weren't allowed in hospital which worked out great b/c someone had to stay home with DD and watch her for the 4 days I was in hospital.
Did I miss DD? Absolutely- but I don't think I would have had the opportunity to bond with DS like I had if DD was there.

Just tell everyone they are not allowed to come.. Say the time in the hospital is the only time you'll really be able to bond & relax with this DC before you are thrown into the mix at home and have to care for 2..

if they are offended- too bad

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

DH wanted his fam there, bc the hospital is far from them I told him and my IL's I'm sorry NO, but you're not coming until the next day, they were fine with it, and understood, it took DH a little to sink in I would just tell them point blank this is how its going to be and how I need for it to be to feel comfortable!!!

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

I am a c section mom - but my plan going in was that during labor, my mother and DH only in the room. Anyone who had a problem with that could kick rocks as far as I was concerned.

As for waiting at the hospital, I didn't specify. I get that you have anxiety about it, but shutting MIL out is a no no in my opinion. I hope one day my son has a child. And I would be devastated if they didn't allow me to come to the hospital when he/she was born.

I was a mess the first day. Vomiting from anesthesia, crying because my son went to the NICU, bleeding, catheter etc. The only people who came into the room were my sister, my mother, one cousin and DH. I believe in playing fair - if MIL wanted to come, I would not have said no, but I would have made DH impress on her how bad I was doing.

At home visits were my call. Some days I flat out told DH "no, your sister can't come today. I feel awful, got no sleep and I'm not up to it." He respected that, and I didn't take advantage. I made sure that eventually said person got to come see my son.

It's so hard to juggle all of it. I wouldn't put too much thought into it now. Some of it stinks and you kind of just have to get through it.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

As far as the "my mom there, but not my MIL" thing, I hear you on that. When and if I have a DIL, if she just wanted her mom there, I would completely understand. I'd want to make her feel as comfy as possible. My MIl has a way of getting an inch and taking a mile...and I learned this many times. I will bend and cater to what she wishes, set limits, and they will be overstepped and then I will be guilted to go further, if that makes sense. I just want an easy, breezy labor and recovery and want no stress until I'm ready to handle it. Yes, its her grandchild, but I'm the one pushing it out , but I hear you guys and get what your saying. :). Eta. - I did ask for honest opinions and respect everyone"s feelings, just presenting that aspect of it.

Message edited 11/18/2010 2:42:05 PM.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

I VERY much understand I had a crew at my DD birth- my SIL, my mom, my DH and best friend. THIS WAS IN THE ROOM! Honestly, it was fine and really easy, quick birth so I didn't mind too much.
But then came the return home. My parents live in NY, I am in CA with my brother, SIL and their new baby daughter. There were people at the house every day to "visit"- even my other former SIL who I absolutely HATED for insisted on being in the room while I was trying to breast feed. IT WAS RIDICULOUS!

I swore it wouldn't happen with my son when he was born. Only my mom and DH came to the hospital with me. I ended up with an emergency C-section and needed them both so I am glad they came. I wouldn't let anyone else come to my room but my MIL (who was dying at the time so I wasn't saying no to her) after. I was a mess- the spinal block did not wear off forever and I was so upset. I am so glad I didn't have vistors.

Fastforward to coming home- once again, my parents are in town so my SIL thinks its a great opportunity to have them babysit so she can do her thing. Here I have a house full of people, my two year old DD and niece fighting constantly in my house, a mess everywhere since my mom couldn't take care of me, the house and two toddlers. My DH was forced to go out of town for business and my Dad was not much help.

I WAS MISERABLE! I finally went the first ped appointment for my son and literally lost it in the doc's office. I cried and cried. It was the worst day of my life. I was at the end of my rope. I was running a household, caring for a new born, no sleep, house guests, you name it. I came home and my DH put the house on lock down. NO visitors and my mom was there to help me and ONLY me.

I know this is long but please learn from me. Speak up- you don't want people at the hospital- tell them to STAY HOME. Don't want people in your house- appoint someone to be the bad guy- whether it be your mom, DH or your sister(who went off on my SIL for all the "babysitting").

Please FM if you need. I VERY much understand what you are going through

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

I get it. Having YOUR mom there is completely different than having MIL there. She is YOUR mom. Yes, MIL is a grandmother too, but she is not YOUR mom. I get it.

When DD was born (my 3rd c-section) I had DH tell EVERYONE not to come till the next day during visiting hours. I told my nurses that I did not want any visitors except DH and my 2 other children. We wanted time to bond as a family.

Just make your wishes clear.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

I can see not having your MIL in the delivery room (I didn't want my own mom in there, DH was barely allowed in).

But not at the hospital at all seems hurtful if your own will be there.

And, to prevent her from trying to push her way in, make your wishes known to the nurses. They will keep her out of the room

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

Your labor and delivery, your choice of what you want Everyone ought to respect your wishes.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

You can always do what i did, i would pretend to be asleep when anyone came to visit me that i didnt want to see. LOL> I even had my roomate cover for me. When people would come in she would wisper "oh im sorry, she just fell asleep", the person or people would always leave. LOL. I know i know. its not the nicest thing to do, but when i had my csection, i was in the worst pain of my life. i had a catherer sticking out of me, looked terrible, felt terrible.I didnt want to see anyone. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

Re: Let's discuss labor, delivery, and VISITORS. Long, but maybe someone out there gets it.

I limited visitors to our parents aand siblings and a select few aunts and uncles. I wanted to focus of being with DH and our new baby and not on "entertaining"