Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

On staying calm when you children are having a meltdown.

Last night, I was **trying** to cook dinner

Dh was not home and miki was freaking out, crying for no reason, throwing a tantrum cause she wanted my attention. I tried to tell her that mommy was cooking but she screamed "no mommy, no cook"

I had to ignore her, did not know what else to do she calmed down after about 10 minutes but man, that felt like a lifetime

so, what do you do when your children are having a meltdown?

I even picked her up for a few minutes to talk to her but as soon as I put her back down, she freaked again

Message edited 2/3/2009 8:30:30 AM.

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

It depends what the meltdown is for, if it is for a special treat he has to eat first and he will cave in and eat, if he see's me cooking he now helps me prep(that was the big and really makes a difference) everything else gets ignored . It definitly isn't easy, especially when he will often times decide to hurt DD to get my attention. Then it results in a time out.

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

I think my DS is younger (17mos) but I always put him in his crib for 1/2 hr or so when he gets crazy, when I need to get something done or just feel totally overwhelmed by his crabbiness! I usually don't care if he cries b/c I know he is safe, and its only when I truly need some time to compose myself!

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

I tell them that I can't understand them when they are so upset and I want to fix what's wrong but I just can't figure out what the problem is, so I can't talk to them until they are calm. I'll ignore them for a bit, repeat myself, ignore, repeat as needed.

Sarah will calm down after the first time I say it, and it's working faster and faster with Andy now that he's getting older too.

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

Posted by CathyB

I tell them that I can't understand them when they are so upset and I want to fix what's wrong but I just can't figure out what the problem is, so I can't talk to them until they are calm. I'll ignore them for a bit, repeat myself, ignore, repeat as needed.

Sarah will calm down after the first time I say it, and it's working faster and faster with Andy now that he's getting older too.

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

can she cook with you?

I use to have to wait till bedtime to cook...now I include him with me and he looks forward to it ever night.

I put a bowl on the floor...a small cup of water...a little flour or rice...he pours things into bowl, mixes.

I give him garlic grader upside down and he "grades" garlic. He loves chopping veggies with butter knives

I let him pour seasonings...things like that.

good luck!

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

Most of our meltdowns are also solved by letting him "help" with something.

When cooking I'll give him the salt and pepper to "stir".

I've notice lately that when he's freaking out like that if I get down to his level and say "I know you are upset, please tell me why."

And then he'll sign or point to what he wants.

We've also started using a timer. He wants everything NOW as most toddlers do.

So I set the microwave for 2 minutes and when he hears the "beep beeps" we can do what he wants again for a couple minutes.

Then I set it for 2 more minutes and the beep beeps this time means mommy needs to do something different.

Then I set it for 3 minutes, or 4, depending on what it is he wants to do and what I need to do.

Usually by the 2nd round he's able to wait more patiently.

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

In your above situation I might have stopped what I was doing. Something like cooking wouldnt be priority for me at that second. I know you are like ...WTH... but I am thinking about the benefit for you and her. The benefit for you would have been you wouldnt have felt like you were losing it if you stopped for 10 min (gave yourself a break). The way I look at it is that you werent getting a ton accomplished by having to stop and talk to her anyhow. Also, she was obviously distraught she wanted you to stop. I am willing to bet if you stopped for 10 min it might have decreased the intensity of the behavior. Believe me I know when ya read something in hindsightyou could go over all the would have could haves etc...
I swear I agree for the most part that children need to learn to wait but if its a situation like above you only have now to play with your 2 yr old dd. She will get older and older and you should value the time she wants to spend with you now. Cooking is so not important over the time that these children beg of us. Even if you dont agree with me completely, maybe you can slow down a bit at least for your own sanity at the time of the melt downs. I hope some of this helps you

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

also, wanted to add...during "typical" melt downs... If they get intense (which they havent) I might have removed myself for a few min just to recoup. Nothing is worse then 2 highly anxious people fighting for what they want and neither is giving in.

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

we had this exact thing happen last week.. I did same as you by trying to hold a bit, but would freak out again once was down.. making impossible to cook. I tried to distract her with something else.. like a toy or cookie.

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

Posted by Janice

can she cook with you?

I use to have to wait till bedtime to cook...now I include him with me and he looks forward to it ever night.

I put a bowl on the floor...a small cup of water...a little flour or rice...he pours things into bowl, mixes.

I give him garlic grader upside down and he "grades" garlic. He loves chopping veggies with butter knives

I let him pour seasonings...things like that.

good luck!

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

Posted by PrincessP

In your above situation I might have stopped what I was doing. Something like cooking wouldnt be priority for me at that second. I know you are like ...WTH... but I am thinking about the benefit for you and her. The benefit for you would have been you wouldnt have felt like you were losing it if you stopped for 10 min (gave yourself a break). The way I look at it is that you werent getting a ton accomplished by having to stop and talk to her anyhow. Also, she was obviously distraught she wanted you to stop. I am willing to bet if you stopped for 10 min it might have decreased the intensity of the behavior. Believe me I know when ya read something in hindsightyou could go over all the would have could haves etc...
I swear I agree for the most part that children need to learn to wait but if its a situation like above you only have now to play with your 2 yr old dd. She will get older and older and you should value the time she wants to spend with you now. Cooking is so not important over the time that these children beg of us. Even if you dont agree with me completely, maybe you can slow down a bit at least for your own sanity at the time of the melt downs. I hope some of this helps you

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

I save a lot of our "sit down" activities for when I cook. Things like drawing, painting, coloring, playdough, etc. She still will sit in either her booster seat or highchair so it contains her. If shes not having that, she too will "cook" with me. She knows shes not supposed to pass a certain line in the kitchen because its too close to the stove.

If a meltdown happens because she wants all of my attention, which does happen, I just stop for a second, get down on her level and explain that Mommy is cooking and that I will play with her after dinner. Usually her fave television show or movie help A LOT!

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

dinner time is hard, she helps me cook, prep time and setting table when I am cooking.... if she is not helping she is going crazy so i just have her help me. if it is another time, I say to her sorry you are upset, let me know when you are better and i go do something and she is over it by then

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

Steph...Im dealing with this now as well.

Im not sure...maybe not being home all day she wants my attention so she tells me, HOLD ME!

I want to but given that its time to cook, it becomes difficult.

I noticed she threw a tantrum as I was cleaning up after dinner, and ONLY wanted me.
DH took her, and asked her to put the stuff in fridge, (things she could reach) and would pick her up for things in cabinets. It actually calmed her down.

I do have to ignore it at times, because I cant stop all the time, and hold her.
Eventually it does stop, the crying or whining.

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

Posted by Mikismom

Posted by PrincessP

In your above situation I might have stopped what I was doing. Something like cooking wouldnt be priority for me at that second. I know you are like ...WTH... but I am thinking about the benefit for you and her. The benefit for you would have been you wouldnt have felt like you were losing it if you stopped for 10 min (gave yourself a break). The way I look at it is that you werent getting a ton accomplished by having to stop and talk to her anyhow. Also, she was obviously distraught she wanted you to stop. I am willing to bet if you stopped for 10 min it might have decreased the intensity of the behavior. Believe me I know when ya read something in hindsightyou could go over all the would have could haves etc...
I swear I agree for the most part that children need to learn to wait but if its a situation like above you only have now to play with your 2 yr old dd. She will get older and older and you should value the time she wants to spend with you now. Cooking is so not important over the time that these children beg of us. Even if you dont agree with me completely, maybe you can slow down a bit at least for your own sanity at the time of the melt downs. I hope some of this helps you

I know you are coming from a good spot with this post and trying to help but some of what you said is unfair. I DO appreciate and treasure all the time I spend with her. I did the best I could given the situation

Thank you for your insight though

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

Heres another idea...
I actually put her kitchen set in my kitchen. That way when I cook...she cooks. Win/Win situation.

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)

Re: Let's share some tips (toddler meltdowns)