Long Island Driving

A right-lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same drivers to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels

Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Long Island driver never uses them. Use of them in Massapequa may be illegal.

Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation

Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."

The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit

Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork

Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs

Construction signs warn you about road closures immediately after you pass the last exit before the backup

Electronic traffic warning signs are not there to provide useful information. they are only there to make Long Island look high-tech, and to distract you from seeing the state police radar car parked on the median

Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right

Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions, and are apparently not enforceable during rush hour

Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Long Island driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot

Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident, or even if someone is just changing a tire

Throwing litter on the roads adds color to the landscape and gives Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean up

It is assumed that state police cars passing at high speed may be followed in the event you need to make up a few minutes on your way to work, or the beach

Learn to swerve abruptly. Long Island is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to potholes

It is traditional in Long Island to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes

Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way, except in Garden City where it acts as an invitation to duel or play chicken

Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding. In Long Island it is common to stop and then decide which direction to turn

Remember that the goal of every Long Island driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary

Real Long Island female drivers can put on makeup, and balance the checkbook at seventy-five miles per hour, during a snowstorm in bumper-to-bumper traffic

Real Long Island male drivers can take off pantyhose, unsnap a bra with one flick of their wrist at seventy-five miles per hour during a snowstorm in bumper-to-bumper traffic

Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way of insuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales

Re: Long Island Driving

Wow, so true and while it is funny, it also makes me glad that I don't drive on LI so much anymore! Where I live now, people are seldom in a hurry, and they hardly ever honk!

Re: Long Island Driving

I had heard that they changed the driving rule book.
Thank you for pinpointing these changes!

Re: Long Island Driving

This and a guide to walking in Manhattan are all one ever really needs.

Re: Long Island Driving

I think they need one for Florida's I-75. When the snow birds are down

I think when you get to be a certain age height and sight should be tested at the DMV

When I moved to FL and was transfering my license over their was a guy who had to be in his 80's having his eyes tested for his license. He looks into the little looking glass and is told read the 5th line.

He says " L 4 1 Q Square" then is interupted and told to read line 3 "7 R T G 2 Triangle"

DMV person: Sir their are no numbers or shapes in this

And guess what, the Department of Motor Vehicles in the state of FL gave this man a license

Speed limit is 70 on the interstate min 50. Why oh why must a person drive 55 in the left hand lane. What is worst is they get you boxed in so you can not past them.

I need to go get ready for work otherwise I'd be here all day about the driving in FL

Re: Long Island Driving